


so runs the world away

by clarissawrites



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Family, Kidnapping, Multi, Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attacks, after effects of kidnapping, imagined child death, mentions of psychological torture, not actual death of anyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-23 14:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9660479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarissawrites/pseuds/clarissawrites
Summary: In 2021, Felicity is abducted, pulled from her life as a wife, mother, and CEO, and forced to work for an underground organization. Oliver fights to find her, but with the threat of her death from her captors looming over him, all searches have to be kept discrete. For three years, he keeps searching. When he finally finds her, though, the real difficulty begins, as Felicity struggles to return to a normal life.(mostly canon through 4x06)





	1. This Realm Dismantled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work title and chapter title from Hamlet, Act 3 Scene 2. (Work title also from Josh Ritter's album by the same name.)

_Why, let the stricken deer go weep_ ,

_The hart ungallèd play_.

_For some must watch while some must sleep_.

_So runs the world away_.

                                         ~ _Hamlet, Act 3, scene 2_

_January 9 th, 2021_

Oliver stumbles to his knees inside the front door, exhaustion weighing down on his shoulders. He takes a shuddering breath, sobs catching in his throat as he tries in vain to stop his hands from shaking. The last few days have been the worst days of his life, but there is nothing more to be done tonight.

Feet pad softly across the hardwood floor, and he drags his head up to watch Thea cross the room toward him, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle.

“Ollie?” she whispers, the tiniest ounce of hope left in her voice. It crushes him, but he’s unable to respond, barely managing to meet her eyes sadly.

His eyes say everything he can’t, and she covers her mouth with a hand and turns away slightly, visibly fighting back tears. He can hear the breath rush in through her nose as tears well up, her shoulders shaking. She braces herself on the back of the couch, emotions crackling through the room like raw electricity.

It’s way too quiet and Oliver feels so cold.

Neither of them says anything for a long time. Slowly, Thea moves to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He leans into her touch, craving comfort she can’t give and lets the tears fall. He just wants Felicity; he needs his wife.

He chokes out a sob and Thea’s fingers dig into his shoulder as she tries to compose herself. He knows she was holding out hope for both of them, hope that he could bring Felicity home and they could put this nightmare behind them.

He doesn’t quite know how much time passes before he pushes himself to his feet and makes his way over to a barstool at the kitchen counter to sit, running his fingers over the edge of the granite surface. Hollow silence fills the room. He feels distant from Thea, two separate entities that are no longer quite connected, because of this devastating loss. Oliver is drained and limp, not just from the stress of the last few days, but also from the crippling realization that Felicity is really and truly gone.

_She’s GONE._

Thea’s voice is soft when she finally speaks again. “She’s a hero, Ollie.”

“She already was.” His tone is clipped. He doesn’t mean to be harsh, but he’s oh so tired. It’s been three days and he misses his wife so badly that he can barely breathe. There is a vice around his ribs and a lump of bile in the back of his throat.

“I know,” Thea responds, her voice quiet and small. He can hear the tears she’s trying to blink back.

Oliver’s head drops to his hands. Rubbing calloused fingers over his hair and the back of his neck, he debates telling his sister everything, but lies have never gotten them anywhere. The words are still hard to get out. “Her abduction doesn’t appear to have anything to do with saving those people.”

Her hand finds his arm. She must have moved closer at some point. “Ollie?”

“Whoever took her might not have gotten to her if she wasn’t there, though. Wrong place, wrong time and all that.”

“Who took her?” Her voice shakes, and her fingers shake, but he can’t focus on anything beyond that. He stares at her hand and tries to answer without crying.

“I don’t know. But the people… the men she stopped that night were sloppy. They couldn’t have pulled something like this off. The police caught them all: they’re in prison. I doubt they were working for anyone, just low-life scumbags that…”

He breaks off, the words catching in his throat.

“And no one knows anything?” Thea asks quietly, trying to pull him back. “No clues, or leads or anything?”

Oliver breathes in deeply through his nose, rubbing the back of his neck with both hands. “Only what was on the security footage at QI. She stopped by the office on the way home. Some men came up to talk to her, they all got into a van and drove away.”

“Wait.” Thea bends slightly to look into his eyes. “She willingly went with them?”

“It almost looks like they forced her, but it’s hard to tell.”

“But Felicity wouldn’t just leave like that…”

“Yeah, but the police don’t really see it that way. Only Lance is keeping the investigation open because he knows it’s out of character for her. 

Thea sits next to him heavily. “It doesn’t make any sense. Can’t they track the van? Can’t someone? ARGUS?”

“Lance found it, outside the city limits on a country road. Away from any houses or intersections. Abandoned. Almost completely empty.”

“Wow.” The word whooshes out on her breath, barely audible.

“Whoever did this, they were thorough. Calculating.”

“There’s been no ransom note? No explanation?”

Oliver swallows hard and pulls a crumpled envelope from his pocket. In a very small voice, he explains. “This was left taped to the steering wheel. The only thing in the van.” 

Thea takes it from him gently, and pulls out a slip of paper that reads “ _if you want her to live, you won’t come looking_ ,” printed on it.

“These were inside too.” Oliver holds up his hand, Felicity’s engagement ring and wedding band pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

Thea scrubs a hand over her face. She looks as though she wants to say something but doesn’t quite know how.

“I can’t do this, Thea.” The words slip out, small and unbidden as he clenches his fist around the rings. His eyes fill with tears and he looks away. “I can’t do this without her. Forget that the only person who could find Felicity _is_ Felicity, I can’t live without her. She makes me who I am. She makes me better.”

Thea grabs his shoulders firmly, speaking with conviction. “We will find her. We’ll get Captain Lance and ARGUS and everybody on it to up their game. We’ll do something. We’ll tell Barry and Nyssa and Sara and _somebody_ will be able to find something.”

He nods, too tired to argue. Not for the first time, he berates himself for failing to make sure she had security with her when she ran back to QI after the mission, for not asking her to take Roy or Diggle, for not going with her himself. But he’d wanted to make that night special, to bring her home to an evening where they could relax together after their long week.

Thea’s phone chirps, breaking him away from his thoughts. She answers a text quickly before getting up.

“Roy?”

“He wanted to make sure I’m ok.”

Oliver takes a breath, looking sadly at his sister. There is nothing else they can do. “Go home, Thea.”

Nodding, she places a kiss on his forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“You going to be ok?”

“Yeah. Go get some rest. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” 

She sighs and hugs him tightly. “We’ll find her. I promise.”

He walks her out the door and watches as she makes her way to her car. Thea can handle herself better than almost anyone, but she’s still his baby sister, and he’s not going to lose the other most important woman in his life tonight. When she reaches the vehicle, she turns to give him a little half-wave before getting in and driving off. He sighs, knowing she’ll text him when she gets home.

He doesn’t hear the shuffling of footsteps behind him until Meghan speaks.

“Mama?”

Closing the front door, Oliver turns to see his daughter standing in the hallway, blanket tucked beneath her arm, blond curls illuminated by the nightlight. Her sweet little voice breaks down Oliver’s resolve to keep it all together. She’s even wearing the panda pj’s Felicity bought two weeks ago, a detail that shouldn’t twist the fist clenched in his heart or take the air from his lungs, but does.

Stepping across the space, he kneels down, pulling his little girl into his arms. She should be in bed, fast asleep by now, but he can’t bring himself to reprimand her. He hadn’t realized until this moment how badly he needed to see her, to see that she was safe. The scent of strawberry soap and baby shampoo surrounds them and he breathes deeply, trying to calm himself.

“Daddy.” She squirms in his arms; pulling back to plant two chubby hands on his cheeks, trapping his tears between their skin. “Daddy’s crying?”

He can’t even smile at her innocent tenderness. “Yeah, baby. Daddy’s crying.”

“Daddy’s sad?”

“Yes, honey.” He tries to say more, but the words catch in his throat. He knows that she is too young to understand, and even if she wasn’t, Thea wouldn’t have told her anything the last few days. (For all she knows, Mama was on a business trip, scheduled to be home soon, though three days was longer than Felicity had ever been away for work in Meghan’s lifetime.)

Her little brow furrows, and it makes his heart ache the way her nose wrinkles, just like Felicity’s. “Why’re you sad, Daddy?” she leans in his arms, peaking around his shoulder. “Mama can kiss it, ‘n make it better.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” This shouldn’t be happening, not to a sweet child such as her.

“Mama?” she calls again, wiggling to get down and find her mother. (He’d been gone too—in her mind they’d probably been gone together.) He stands, lifting her up and setting her on a chair. Kneeling in front of her, he takes a deep breath.

“Baby, listen to me, ok?”

He waits until her bright blue eyes are focused on his. “Mama’s not here. She’s not coming home tonight.”

“Where’s Mama?”

Another tear slips down his cheek. She reaches to touch it, pressing her soft toddler hand to his face. “I don’t know, baby. She’s… she’s gone.”

“Why?”

He takes a deep breath. “Some bad men took her.” He’s not sure how to explain abduction to an almost three-year-old. He can’t fully fathom it himself.

“Bad men?”

“Yes, honey.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart. The police are trying to find her.”

Her brow furrows again. “Police. Grandpa Lance?”

“Yes. Police, like Grandpa Lance. They’re going to find her and bring her home.”

“When?”

He scoops her up, pulls her close, and breathes in the sweet scent of her hair again.

“Soon, baby. Oh dear God, I hope it’s soon.”

 

_(cross posted from[here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3749158/chapters/21601790).)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might notice, some season 3 and 4 elements are incorporated where others are not, and most of season 5 is obsolete, at least at this point. I started this during season 3, and later arranged the timeline by assuming Olicity would get married around the 100th episode (Dec 2016), or so. I'm still working out a few timeline things, so hopefully it isn't too confusing at this point.
> 
> Roy is still a part of the team, because I like him and Thea together too much for him to leave (though I'm not quite sure how it worked for him to come back, but that's not part of the story), Sara did come back from the dead (because I love Sara), but Baby Mama Drama didn't happen, and I'm not sure that paralyzed Felicity did either. I think Curtis might show up at some point, and Laurel is still alive. We'll see if I end up adding in any of the other newbies. Smoke'n'Lance is a thing, but It's more cute than weird. Donna has mellowed a little bit (her daughter was kidnapped, after all), Thea and Roy are married, and the CC crew is around off and on. However, Baby Sara is still around, since if Barry did mess with the timeline, it didn't screw with that (also, this was written way before that happened, so...). Let me know if I need to clear anything else up!
> 
> Other timeline issues will hopefully be adressed in the next few chapters.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Time, Love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity fights to come home. Oliver tries to figure out how to live without her by his side.

  
_Darkness. Pain._

_Felicity shivers in the cold. She’s done something very brave but very stupid and she’s going to pay. She knew that it was a possibility, but she had to try._

_She has to get home._

_They come for her, and she wonders if this torture is as bad as the torture Oliver endured in those five years away. She wagers it’s not, but it feels bad enough. She’s lasted for so long, she can only hope that it was worth it._

_They still need her, though, and so she doesn’t die. Not today, anyway. Tomorrow will be more of the same. Torture in the morning, strictly guarded hacking in the afternoon. She can’t keep her hands from shaking as she types, praying that the threats against her family, her_ whole _family, are just threats._

_Oliver won’t have stopped looking. He was gone for five years—even with the low odds of finding someone after so long, he won’t give up. She knows he won’t until he has solid proof that she’s dead._

_And she’s most certainly not dead. Not yet. Hopefully, her time doesn’t run out before they find her._

 _______________

_March 29 th, 2024_

He still imagines her blonde hair spilling over the pillow in the mornings. She lies next to him in his dreams, in the moments between sleep and wake, and he can almost smell her. Sweet and soft and whole, he envisages her rolling toward him, blinking lazy eyes up at him and nuzzling into his side as she fights for five more minutes of sleep. But his hand reaches out for her and he touches only air, the dreams dissipating into the morning light as a familiar, dull ache settles in his chest 

The door to the bedroom creaks open softly and little footsteps patter across the carpet to the bed. A small hand finds his arm and taps it. “Daddy. Daddy! Wake up!”

Oliver groans playfully and rolls over, grabbing his daughter around the waist and hauling her up onto the bed with him.

“Now why would I do that?” He grumbles into her neck.

She giggles as he tickles her, squirming around on the bed. “It’s dress up day at school today, ‘member?”

“Ah. Yes, I remember.” He wraps her in a bear hug and plants a kiss on top of her head. She giggles again, wiggling in his hold.

“Come on!” Pulling away, she grabs his hand to haul him from the bed. He lets her drag him to her room, where her carefully planned outfit waits. “I need you to help me with my ponytail.”

“Ok. You get dressed, I’ll make the coffee, and then I’ll do your ponytail.” He drops another kiss to her head and leaves to start breakfast. Meghan doesn’t usually get up quite this early, but today is a special day.

Their girl is Felicity’s mini-me. Everything she does reminds Oliver of his wife: they way she argues with him, how she bites her lip when she is concentrating, her rambling talk that makes sense to almost no one. She’s inherited Felicity’s brains as well, and it keeps him on his toes. He wonders (not for the first time) if it would be a good idea to let her skip a grade. She’d entered Kindergarten early, and is finishing 1st grade now, at age 5. Her endless questions are too much for him to handle, even with Donna living in town, Thea and Roy over almost every day, and Diggle and Lyla’s family always around. Barry even runs over whenever possible, Caitlin is on the phone often, answering hundreds of little girl questions, and Sara and Laurel stop by whenever possible. They are getting by, at least.

“Daddy, you’re daydreaming again.” His daughter’s voice pulls him from his thoughts as she patters into the kitchen, and he smiles at her. Light brown wavy hair and brilliant blue eyes, she is the perfect mix of the two of them, physically. He isn’t sure if he is glad or upset that her hair has darkened. She looks so much like Felicity some days that it made his head spin, and blonde hair probably wouldn’t have helped that.

“Sorry, Megsie. Let’s get that hair done, huh?”

He helps her pull it up into a high ponytail and hands her the plastic lens-less glasses that sit on the counter. She puts them on and grins at him.

“How do I look?”

Oliver swallows hard before answering. “Perfect, Meg. Just perfect.”

Meghan eats her breakfast with the toy glasses on, swinging her feet beneath her. Oliver is letting her wear her fancy shoes to class today, since it is a special occasion. She talks around bites of food, pointing out the birds feeding on the tree outside the window.

“Joey tried to catch a bird at recess yesterday. We built birdhouses and he gets as close as he can. But I think it would be funny to catch a bird with your bare hands, don’t you? The bird would probably be scared and it might start pecking you and that would hurt. But it might be cool to catch a bird.”

“How would you catch it?”

“Maybe I’d build something. I mean, we kinda already caught them, when they’re in the houses. We just don’t get to see them up close. You could build a clear birdhouse with that plastic stuff or a cage or something and then you can see them but Ms. Beckers says that the bird would be sad because it would miss it’s family if it was in a cage all the time. 

“Yeah, I don’t think birds like cages much. They like to fly and be free.”

“I bet people don’t like cages either.”

“No, I’m sure they don’t.” Oliver wonders where that thought came from, but he doesn’t have to wonder long.

“I wonder if they keep Mama in a cage. I mean, not a birdcage; that would be too small. But like, a room sized cage. Or even just a room. I don’t think she’d like that much. I wouldn’t.”

“No.” Oliver’s heart constricts slightly, and he breathes around the lump of tears in his throat. The image of Felicity in a cage is not altogether new for him, but it’s even more painful coming from his daughter. An innocent child shouldn’t ever have to imagine their mother in a cage.

“When we find her, she’ll be so happy to be out of the cage, she might sing like a bird that gets set free.”

Oliver nods and swallows hard. _When_ we find her. He knows Meghan has never given up hope of her mother coming home, and because of that, he hasn’t either. Turning to blink away tears, he pours a second cup of coffee into a traveling mug and grabs his phone as Meg caries her cereal bowl and spoon to the sink. “Let me get a picture of you, OK? Nana and Aunt Thea will want to see your outfit.”

“Uncle Digg and Aunt Lyla and Sara and JJ and Uncle Roy, too.”

“Yeah, them too.”

She grins for him, then grabs her bag from the chair next to her and bounds out to the car. Once awake, she’s a ball of energy that can’t sit still, and since she loves school and learning, nothing seems to be able to slow her down. Not a day goes by that Oliver doesn’t wish Felicity were there to help him answer all their daughter’s thoughts and questions. And, much like her mother might have, Meghan rambles the whole way to the school, turning from birds and cages to the main topic of interest that day: hero costumes.

“Ms. Beckers said that the bestest heroes are the ones that didn’t seem like heroes right away. She said we got a lot of heroes in this city, but not all of them run around with arrows at night. I thought Mama would make the bestest hero out there. Moms are good heroes but mine is the best because she protected us. Isn’t that right, Daddy? You said that she was protecting us and a lot of other people when those bad men took her, and she’s probably still protecting us today, wherever she is. Even if she is in a cage.”

Oliver grips the steering wheel a little too tightly. His knuckles turn white and he has to force his fingers to relax. “That’s right, baby.”

The security footage of Felicity being taken still haunts his mind. He’s scrubbed through it hundreds of times in hopes that there will be a hint, a clue that could lead him to her. But the most important thing is that Felicity had just finished encrypting several security codes when she was taken, security codes that protected their family, that protected the city. She stopped a group of pseudo-terrorists from killing a whole lot of people, and paid for it with her freedom.

Meghan’s right, her mother is quite possibly the biggest hero out there, even bigger than the Green Arrow. And no one will ever know.

He walks her to the door of her classroom, smiling at the other outfits. Spiderman and Captain America walk alongside little boys and girls in green or red hoodies, girls in full outfits of black, complete with blonde wigs.

“Daddy?” she tugs at his hand to stop halfway across the playground.

“Yeah, baby?”

Looking up at him, she bites her lip, then looks away, suddenly shy in a very uncharacteristically Meghan manner.

“Hey.” He drops to his knees. “What’s the matter, Megsie?”

She turns back to look him in they eye, tugging at her skirt. “Do you think… do you think she would like it?”

“Oh, baby.” He pulls her into his arms, tears clogging his throat. “Oh, Meghan, she would love it. Just like I do.”

Like that, her fears are gone. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

She enters her classroom, head held high and a smile on her face.

With a heavy heart, Oliver heads to the office. Like always, he has a long day ahead of him. When Felicity was taken, the company took a little hit, but he’s mostly gotten it back and running again. He thinks she’d be proud of the decisions he’s made over the last 3 years. Steeling himself, he walks through the door and puts on his game face. He has a meeting to get to.

_______________ 

_January 8 th, 2021_

The thug screams in pain as Oliver twists his arm behind him. He’s begging for mercy, but the Arrow is not feeling generous tonight.

“I’ll give it back, I swear. I’ll give it all back. Please.”

It’s almost humorous the way he grovels, a grown man blubbering in the dirt of the alley, but Oliver doesn’t feel like laughing much. Suddenly, everything feels so empty and pointless. He drops the man onto the concrete.

“See that you do,” he growls. The man is still sobbing, cradling his arm. Oliver stalks away. He wants nothing more than to put an arrow in the guy, which doesn’t make any sense. He’s just a common street criminal, barely worth Team Arrow’s time.

But that’s the problem. They have too much time right now. Too much time, and yet not enough. Because Felicity has been missing for nearly three days now and they have absolutely no leads.

None. Nada. Zilch. ARGUS is on the case (discretely). The SCPD is on the case. Star Labs is on the case. And no one can find even an inkling of where she might have gone.

 _Been taken_ , he reminds himself. Anger bubbles in his throat. She was taken. The thought makes him want to punch something. Preferably another criminal.

His comm. cackles, and Digg’s voice cuts across the static. “Oliver? Are you there?”

“Do you have something for me?”

Distraction is the only technique he can find. During the day, he throws himself into projects at QI, and at night he finds every criminal he can and beats them to a pulp. He knows logically that it won’t bring her back, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

He’s wearing thin.

“Oliver, please just come home.”

“I can’t,” he grinds out. She was his home, and now she’s gone. His hands begin to shake, and the compassion in John’s voice nearly breaks him down right there. Instead, he closes off his emotions, clenches his hands into fists, and growls his response. “Don’t wait up for me.”

It doesn’t take long for him to find another criminal. It never does, in the Glades. This one’s a looter, probably just some random drunk guy whose buddies sent him on a dare. Oliver doesn’t care, though. He has no remorse for anyone tonight.

The guy is on the ground with his first punch, but Oliver doesn’t stop there. He kicks the man in the side. A few other guys run up, telling him to “ease up, dude, it was just a joke,” but Oliver doesn’t listen.

They’re all on the ground in seconds, only one actually trying to hold his own against the Arrow. He has the guy in a headlock when red and blue lights start flashing, but he doesn’t stop.

Policemen are shouting things, but Oliver doesn’t really hear them. A cop shines a light in his face, trying to take the man from him. Oliver drops the looter, shoving him forward so he ends up on his knees.

Someone puts a hand on his arm. Oliver jerks away, the ringing in his ears getting louder.

“Go home, son,” says a familiar voice, cutting through the haze. Oliver lifts his eyes too see Lance watching him with a sad expression.

“I can’t.”

He knows the other man understands what he means. Lance looks away for a moment before stepping very close to him. “Oliver, go home. Go back to the lair, go to your house. I don’t care, just get off the streets for a few nights. She wouldn’t want this for you.”

“Don’t tell me what she would want!” he yells. One of the other nearby policemen flinches backwards, but Lance doesn’t move an inch.

“Oliver,” he says very patiently, “If I hear of the Green Arrow taking down any more criminals for the next week, I will personally come and put you in jail until you cool off. Go. Home.”

Oliver glares at him. His hands itch to punch something, even if it is Lance himself.

“Do I need to take you there?” the Police Captain wonders aloud, reaching for his handcuffs. Oliver growls and stalks to his bike.

Digg is waiting for him in the lair. Oliver glares at his friend and strides past him. When he’s changed out of the suit, Digg is still there.

“John.” Whatever the other man has to say, he doesn’t want to hear it now.

“Oliver. You need to go home to your daughter.”

“Thea’s with her.”

“She needs her father,” Digg replies calmly. It’s the kindness in his tone that sends Oliver over the edge.

“And I need Felicity!” he explodes, exhaustion of the last few days catching up to him and causing the anger to boil over. All he can see is her frightened face in the security footage, her panicking eyes in the tape they left him.

It’s too much. He screams in anguish, overturning a cart in the room, smashing a chair against it.

Diggle watches him overturn the entire lair. When his energy is finally gone, Oliver collapses in the center of the room, burying his head in his hands. He wants to scream some more. He wants to cry.

“Please, go to Meghan, Oliver. She misses you. She needs you. And you need her.”

He raises his head slowly. “How do I move on from this? How do I live without her, Digg? She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“And she believed in you. She knew that you were good enough on your own, Oliver, if only you believed in yourself. You know that. The only reason she married you is because you finally figured that out. So you do it for her. You live how she would have wanted. You make her proud.”

“What if I can’t?”

“You try anyway. And if you try, I know she’ll be proud anyway. She loves you, Oliver, and that alone can give you strength. Besides, you aren’t alone. I’m here for you. Lyla and Thea are here for you. Sara and Laurel and Barry and Team Flash and Roy, we are all here for you.”

Oliver slowly stands to his feet.

“Besides, if you don’t, Donna might just come down here and drag you there by your ear, if her texts and phone messages are any indication.”

It’s an attempt to lighten the mood, but it only makes Oliver feel worse. Here he is, wrapped in his own grief, and Donna’s out there having lost a daughter. His heart seizes at the thought of losing Meghan and he knows just exactly what Donna must be feeling right now. He makes a mental note to call her in the morning, bidding John goodnight. It’s time for him to go home to his baby girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this time jump probably isn't what you all were expecting, but that's just the way the story formed in my head. Hopefully it will make sense later. I know there's not a lot of Felicity yet, but that will come with time. Also, the flashback happens before the start of the first chapter, where Oliver is going through the anger stage of grief before the depressive state we saw him in. I've dated everything, but I know sometimes that gets lost in the shuffle. 
> 
> In this timeline, Oliver is the CEO of QI. Felicity changed the name from PT after they were married. Oliver took over after she left, temporarily at first to keep things running while she was gone, but it's possible Thea made him take some business classes as time went on to improve his skills (so Felicity wouldn't have to do to much damage control when she returned). I think Curtis will show up at some point too now, though I haven't worked him in quite yet, and it will be some sort of tech company (instead of whatever QC was supposed to be??). 
> 
> Chapter title from Josh Ritter's Change of Time
> 
> As always, Thanks for reading!


	3. Just Set the Course North

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity fights to get home. Oliver fights to find her.

_The guards have turned away as she finishes the algorithm. They chat about something in the corner of the room, neglecting their duty to watch her, to watch the screen, and to take her away when her work is done. It’s been a long day, and she doesn’t blame them. She almost feels sorry for them, before remembering where she is and what these people have done to her._

_Her eyes flick across the room. Another man, another prisoner looks at her and nods just enough for her to see. She takes a deep breath and counts to three. The man collapses, the guards rush toward him, and she turns back to the computer._

_She knows she has to act quickly, but she’s ready. She’s been waiting for this moment for too long, over 3 years too long. With a flick of her wrist, she types something in, breaking through a barrier designed to contain her work within this system in mere seconds._

_A few more seconds, and she’s left her mark. Small, barely noticeable, but hopefully traceable. That’s all she needs: for it to be traceable. ARGUS will trace it. She knows they can. They will find her and she will go home._

_Swiftly, she covers up what she’s done, replacing the barrier, hiding her mark. Hiding what she’s done as best as she can and still allow it to be traceable. She hopes it is enough._

_It’s not._

_They come for her that night. It’s not the first time they’ve beaten her, but she hopes it is the last. If they found out about what she did, maybe ARGUS did too. Maybe they found it in time. Her captors torture her for information, but she doesn’t say a word._

_She’s determined to go home._

_________________

_March 29 th, 2024_

“Oliver?” Diggle’s voice breaks through muddledness in his brain that comes from hours of staring at a computer screen. “Isn’t it about time you went home?”

He looks up blankly. “What?”

“It’s late, Oliver. You need to go home. 

Pulling himself from his thoughts, Oliver struggles to remember what their plans were for the evening. “Donna’s there tonight, with Meg.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can overwork yourself here. What are you doing anyway?”

He rubs the back of his neck. “Working on things.”

Diggle sighs. “What ‘things’, Oliver?”

Oliver doesn’t look at him. “Take a guess.”

“So, not QI work at all.”

Oliver does not respond, turning back to the computer.

“You’re searching for her. You’re trying to find things that might lead you to her. Watching that damn security footage over and over again, looking for clues that aren’t there.”

Oliver slams his hand on the desk, allowing a brief moment of anger to show through. “What do you want me to say, John? That I’m not? That I’ve given up?”

“Oliver…”

“This is Felicity we are talking about. _My_ Felicity. My _wife_. I will _never_ give up. Not until I _know_.”

Diggle softens slightly. “Why tonight, Oliver?”

He leans back in his chair, looking up at the man he considers a brother. “You know I look every chance I get.” Cisco had set up the best scans he could on their systems. Curtis was working with him on setting up an even better system. Not as good as Felicity could have done, but it’s something.

Diggle scratches the back of his neck and sits on the back of the couch. “It’s different tonight,” he observes, clearly expecting a response.

Oliver sighs. “Today is show and tell at Meg’s school. Specifically, Dress-Like-Your-Hero day.”

“I know. You sent me the picture.”

“Yeah, and what did you notice, Digg?”

Digg gives him a look. “She dressed up like Felicity, Oliver,” he says patiently.

“She dressed like Felicity. Now keep in mind that Meghan has no good memories of her mother. She only knows what I’ve told her, only seen her in pictures. But Felicity is still her hero. And if there is a chance that I can bring her home, I am going to.”

“Ok, Oliver. But tonight, your daughter probably wanted to tell you about her day. You need to be there for her. You know she doesn’t sleep well unless you tuck her in.”

Oliver deflates slightly. He glances at the clock, telling him it’s after 9pm. He’d nearly forgotten about Meghan, and Green Arrow-ing hadn’t even crossed his mind. “Roy’s and Thea going out on patrol tonight?”

“Their day of the week. Looks like it’ll be quiet though. Go home, please.”

Oliver sighs, shutting down the computer. He’d said it before, and he’d say it again: Felicity was the only one with enough expertise to find someone who’d gone missing like this. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to stop trying.

Meghan hasn’t gone to bed yet when he arrives home, and Donna sits with her, reading storybooks. When Donna leaves, Oliver asks if she wants one more story before bed.

“No. I want you to tell me about Mama.”

Oliver expects this question now, but it still hurts sometimes. He’s told Meg something about Felicity almost every day for the past three years. He’s showed her all the videos and pictures they have, wishing there were more, and the little girl soaks it up for all it’s worth.

“What do you want to know, baby?”

She considers this, leaning back against her pillows and hugging her teddy bear to her chest.

“Did Mama ever get scared?”

Images flicker through his mind. Felicity in the underground casino on her first undercover mission, a gun to her temple. Felicity standing on a landmine on Lian Yu. Felicity behind the Count’s needle, Slade’s sword, Cooper’s gun, the prison doors in Nanda Parbat. None of them are memories he can share with his daughter.

“Yeah, baby, everybody gets scared sometimes. But your mom never let that stop her from doing the right thing, the brave thing.” He sighs, pretending to think hard. “I think the time I saw her the most scared, though, was when you were almost three months old.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.” he snuggles down next to her on the little bed. Not all of the stories he tells have Meghan herself in them, but the ones that do seem to be her favorite. And he’s not lying either: as terrified as Felicity was when facing their biggest foes, this was the moment she was most scared of all.

“You got really sick one night. At first you were just crying a lot, really fussy, and your Mama was a little irritated because she was tired and didn’t know why you wouldn’t go to sleep. You didn’t want to eat anything and your diaper was dry. There was no reason at all why you should be crying.”

“What was wrong with me?”

“You had a bad ear infection. We didn’t know that for a while. Mama tried to put you to bed, and you just wouldn’t stop crying. Eventually, she went to get you and came back worried. You were rubbing your ear and you were breathing very quickly but not very deeply.”

“She was really scared then?” Meghan’s blue eyes are wide, much like Felicity’s had been on that night over five years ago.

“Not quite yet. She was a little worried, but not badly scared yet. She tried feeding you again because you hadn’t eaten much but you wouldn’t take your bottle. So she decided to take your temperature since your skin was really warm, and a few minutes later came running back into the bedroom because your temperature was very high. We decided to go to the hospital even though it was almost three o’clock in the morning. It’s a good thing we did, because the infection was pretty bad. They had to give you oxygen in a tube and an IV for fluids and antibiotics to fight the bacteria.”

“And _that’s_ when she was really scared.”

“That’s when she was so scared she could barely breathe.” Oliver smoothes his hand over Meghan’s messy hair, smiling down at her. “The doctors were even a little worried about you, and your mom was crying and shaking and wouldn’t calm down. She was so afraid that she had done something wrong and we were going to lose you. This wasn’t something she could fix by typing on a computer. She had to sit there and watch you fight to breathe, this tiny little baby surrounded by great big machines and hooked up to lots of tubes and things.”

“But I was ok.” Meghan brightens, knowing that she (obviously) made it through that night.

“Yeah.” Oliver taps the tip of her nose, making her giggle. “Your mom didn’t sleep for nearly two days straight, until we knew you were going to be alright. She was exhausted, but she wouldn’t leave your side, because she was afraid something would happen while she was gone. When the doctors finally told us the antibiotics were working and you had made a turn for the better, she collapsed right there in the hospital room, sobbing uncontrollably. I promised to stay with you and Uncle Digg took her home for a few hours to get some rest. He told me she fell asleep in the car and slept for almost 12 hours before coming back to the hospital.”

“But she wasn’t scared anymore? Because I was better.”

“Oh, she still worried. For a long time after that, she was very protective of you if you were extra fussy for any reason. Whenever you got a cold in the next six months, she would fuss over you and fret unnecessarily. You were always fine, but she worried.”

“Because she loved me?” Meghan cuddles her teddy, knowing the answer but needing Oliver’s confirmation.

His throat tightens with tears, but they aren’t all sad. “Yes, Meghan. Because she _loves_ you. She would do anything at all to protect you.”

“I’m glad she’s my mom. Even if she’s not here right now.”

Pulling Meghan close, Oliver lets a few tears fall, kissing his daughter’s head. “I’m glad too, baby. I’m so glad too.”

_______________ 

_December 17, 2021_

_Oliver turns the rings over in his hands as he sits on the edge of his bed. The tears flow freely tonight, dripping down his face onto his shirt, but he doesn’t care._

_Eleven Months._ Eleven _months since his Felicity, his light, his love, his light, was abducted. Almost a year, and all he has of her are her wedding rings._

_“Oliver?”_

_Donna Smoak knocks lightly on the door. He looks up and nods for her to enter. Moving toward him, she offers a small smile that he doesn’t return._

_“How are you tonight?” she asks, placing a comforting hand on his back as she sits beside him._

_“I could ask you the same question.”_

_She scoffs lightly, causing him to glance at her. “It’s not_ my _wedding anniversary, Oliver.”_

_Scrubbing a hand over his face, he draws a shaky breath. “I dreamed of this night. For the last eleven months, it’s been a personal delusion of mine that somehow she would find her way home today. That she would come back, whole and safe and unharmed and we would celebrate.”_

_“Oliver.”_

_“I know. It’s stupid. She’s not coming back. Ever. Especially not tonight.”_

_“Oliver, it’s not stupid. I have dreams like that too.”_

_He turns toward her, his wonderful mother in law. She smiles softly. The last year has subdued her vibrant personality slightly, but now more than ever he can see where Felicity got her strength._

_“I don’t know if I can do this,” he admits, brokenly._

_She rubs his back gently. “Oliver, you aren’t alone.”_

_“I know. But Felicity was… she brought out the best in me. I don’t want to fail as a father, as CEO, as the Green Arrow. I need her.”_

_“You know what she would say, if she were here?”_

_He shakes his head. The ache in his chest is making it hard to breathe._

_“She would tell you that she believes in you. You are good, you are strong. Yes, she compliments you well, but you are a good man with or without her. If I’ve learned anything over these last few months, Oliver, it’s that you love wholly and selflessly. You’ve done that for Felicity, and you can do that for Meghan, if nothing else.”_

_“I don’t want to fail her.”_

_“You won’t Oliver.”_

_“How do you know that?”_

_She places her hand on his cheek. “Because I know you, Oliver. And I know my daughter. She trusts you, and so do I.”_

_______________

_April 10 th, 2024_

“Green Arrow, turn left on 9th Street.”

Oliver spun the bike left, tapping the com. “I have no visual. There’s too much traffic.”

“Six cars ahead of you. Black vehicle,” came the reply. Oliver could hear typing as Digg tried to get better visuals himself. “There’s a stoplight coming up. Swing right and take the alleyway to 10th.”

Oliver complied, hoping that Digg knew what he was doing.

“Speedy, you there? Take your next right and you might be able to cut her off.”

“Copy that.”

Oliver could hear the roar of Thea’s bike through the com as she sped toward them from the other direction. He skidded to a stop in the alley, cut off by a mess of dumpsters and no way over them. “Spartan, I’m held up. Speedy, do you think you can take this one on your own?”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

Oliver jumped off his bike, shoving one of the dumpsters closer to the wall, where it was supposed to be. It took him a few seconds only, but by the time he’d gotten back on his bike and through the alley, the car was gone.

“Losing the signal. Speedy?”

“I don’t have a visual yet. Do you know which car it is?”

“I didn’t get a clear reading on the license plate. Trying to enhance…”

“Spartan, I think we lost them.” Oliver pulls to a stop on the side of the road. “Give it up, Speedy.”

“You sure?”

Oliver sighs. “Yeah. She was just a low-life criminal anyway. If she pops up again, we’ll get her, but for tonight I think it’s lost.”

“Sorry,” Digg sighs. “I just don’t know how to do all this tech stuff right. I’ll call Cisco again and see if Curtis is free tomorrow to run me through it one more time.”

“Sounds good. We’re headed back.”

No more criminals pop up that night, and they turn in early. Oliver hopes the police caught their thief, but nothing comes in. It’s a small loss, but Oliver can’t shake the feeling that he’s had the last few years: without Felicity, team Arrow is just barely keeping its head above water.

_______________

  _April 12 th, 2024_

“Mr. Queen? You have a call on line one.”

Oliver barely suppresses his groan. His last meeting of the day had gone over by almost 45 minutes and his head is throbbing. There is a mountain of paperwork left, and all he wants to do is go home and spend some time with his daughter. With Thea and Roy on patrol again tonight, a relaxing evening in had looked promising.

Nodding at his secretary, he answers the phone, his tone clipped and annoyed, unprepared for the breathless voice on the other end.

“Oliver, we have a lead.”

His heart catches in his throat, even as his mind races to catch up to what the man on the other end of the line is saying.

“What? Who… Captain Lance?”

“We found something. Something came up and we found something. Well, ARGUS found something. I don’t want to get your hopes up quite yet but it might be her.”

Lance sounds like he’s running, making his words hard to hear, not to mention he’s speaking very fast. Oliver frowns.

“Her? Quentin, slow down. What are you saying?” He holds his breath, waiting for the answer. Lance has never given up on the search for Felicity. He’d liked her, a lot, thought of her as another daughter of sorts, and even after the SCPD dismissed the case, he’d continued pushing and searching as hard as Oliver had.

“Don’t get too excited, but ARGUS might have a lead on Felicity’s case.”

“A lead. What does that mean?” He can’t breathe. The throbbing in his head is drowning out all rational thought. Looking down, he realizes his free hand is shaking.

Lance pauses. When he speaks again, it is soft and clear.

“Lyla thinks she might have found the men that took Felicity.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Josh Ritter's "Another New World".


	4. In the Chambers of the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver gets closer to finding Felicity, with a little help.

_January 14 th, 2021_

_“Where’s my wife? What have you done with my wife?”_

_He jerks at the chains that bind him to the ceiling to no avail._

_“Well, well, well. What do we have here? The infamous Oliver Queen, chained and helpless. Isn’t that a pretty picture?”_

_“Where’s Felicity?” he roars. The chains hold. A man steps from the shadows, face covered in a mask._

_“Oh, we have great plans for your wife, Mr. Queen. Her expertise is just what we’ve been looking for. Don’t worry, she won’t die. Not yet. Not if she cooperates. Not if_ you _cooperate.”_

_“You’re messing with the wrong man.”_

_He clicks his tongue. “None of that. Now then. Listen very carefully. If you want your “Felicity” to live, you are going to go home and put your little girl to bed. You are going to stop looking for your wife, you are going to tell the Vigilantes to stop looking for her, and you are going to forget all about her. You will tell the police and anyone else to stop looking for her, and she will live as long as she does what we ask. Make one move that we don’t like, and she will die. Do you understand?”_

_“I will kill you.” He doesn’t need the voice modulator in moments like these._

_“You won’t find, us, Mr. Queen.”_

_The man moves to a small table at the end of the room. He holds up a flash drive for Oliver to see, puts it in an envelope, and places the envelope on the middle of the table._

_“This is a ransom video. You will tell the police you found it at the scene of her abduction. It will not lead you to us, but you will have nothing else to go on. You will give up, and your wife will live.”_

_Moving back toward Oliver, he holds out a syringe. “I’m going to sedate you again. When you wake, you will be in this room. You will take the evidence to the police and you will go home. We will be watching you, but rest assured, Mr. Queen, you will not find us.”_

_“Why are you doing this?”_

_“Your wife has something we want. And we always get what we want.”_

__________

_April 12 th 2024_

“Tell me what you know.”

Lance turns his chair toward Oliver holding up a hand. Quickly, he wraps up a phone conversation, motioning for Oliver to sit. Begrudgingly, Oliver does, but stays perched on the edge of the chair. When Lance hangs up the phone, Oliver leans forward.

“Lyla is coming in a few minutes to discuss it with us.”

Letting out a frustrated grunt, Oliver stands and paces the small office. When Lyla arrives a few minutes later, Lance is rubbing the bridge of his nose and begging Oliver to just _sit down_ again _._

“Tell us what you know.” Oliver demands, before his best friend’s wife can say a word.

She lets out a slightly exasperated breath and levels him with a look. “Please, Oliver, have a seat, and we can get started.”

Oliver sits, tensely, glaring at her. Lyla ignores him and pulls out some paperwork, handing it to Lance.

“In recent investigation, we’ve come across some interesting information that leads us to believe we have found not just one, but several missing persons.”

“What do you mean?” Lance skims the pages and hands a few of them to Oliver.

“Over the course of the last few years, some very prominent people all across the country went missing. Not high profile enough to draw too much attention, but enough to keep them on our radar.”

“Several cases?” Lance queries. Oliver stares blankly at the pages, unable to make sense of a single sentence.

“There were fifteen cases we never connected until now, fifteen cases across various cities, missing persons who were never found. Each victim was highly specialized, like Felicity. Each was reported to the local police by a family member, spouse, or parent, and none were ever found. The evidence for the reports is all similar enough to connect.”

Oliver lets out a frustrated sigh. “What does this have to do with anything?”

Lyla gives him another look. “John was right, you really do have a problem with patience, don’t you Oliver?”

His only response is to raise an eyebrow. Lyla’s face softens for a moment before turning back to Lance. “Now, keep in mind that Felicity was the only one we’ve been actively trying to find, the others we were mostly unaware of until recently.”

“What changed?” Lance asks.

“We received a signal. A highly guarded, encrypted signal, just big enough to notice. Something that very few people would have been able to create.”

“What kind of signal?” Lance interrupted again. Oliver glares at him and he shrugs.

“That’s not really important. What is important is what we found. A highly specialized, underground operation, with fifteen specialists. One of whom sent the signal, most likely.”

“Felicity?” It is Oliver who cuts in this time.

“Like I said, very few people would have been able to break out of their system and into ours to leave a tracer without making it obvious on either end. Our Felicity is one of those people.”

“You can’t go.” 

“What?” Lyla’s head spins toward him sharply, confusion all over her face. Lance stares at Oliver, a small furrow between his brows.

“You can’t go looking for her. For them. As soon as these men find out you are after them, they will kill them. Maybe just her, if they figure out she’s the one that tipped you off.”

“Why do you say that, Oliver?”

“They warned me. I gave you that ransom video, but they gave me something else too, and said if I ever told the police what I really knew, if anyone ever came looking for her, they’d kill her. That’s why it needed to be so discreet, why I couldn’t give you much information. If they find out you are coming for the prisoners, they might kill them all.”

“Yes. But we won’t be coming for the prisoners.”

“What?” This throws him a little and he stares at Lyla, who offers a wry smile.

“Oh, they’ll be a lucky addition to blowing up the operation. But Felicity’s tracer allowed us to find a lot of information on this opperation, illegal activity that does not involve the fifteen prisoners. We go after them for that, they have no reason to suspect anyone’s tipped them off.”

“What if they kill them anyway, once you get too close?”

“What if they already have?”

He hadn’t considered that. Since the moment Lance had called him, he’d been more certain than before that Felicity was still alive.

“But you’d risk agents anyway?”

“Personally? I believe these prisoners are too valuable for them. Unless they absolutely have to, they won’t kill them. They’ll flee the scene, leave the prisoners and take whatever plans and data they have. They’ll leave false trails everywhere. These are smart people. But Felicity is smarter. She’s led us straight to them. We have their plans, their locations, everything. They just don’t know it.”

“So, what happens next?”

“A team is being sent in. We’ve played our first hand and believe that the people behind it all will soon vacate the premises, but we also believe all fifteen prisoners are still inside. The mission is rescue only, and once they’re safe, ARGUS is working with the government to track these men down.”

Oliver stands. “When is ARGUS leaving?”

“Our plane is going up at the military air base, in about an hour.”

“I’m going with them.”

Lyla sighs and closes her eyes briefly. “Oliver…”

“Do you know how dangerous this is?” Lance reaches a hand for his arm, but Oliver shrugs it off.

“This is my wife we are talking about, Quentin. Your step-daughter. If there is any chance it is her and I can save her, I will. I will help them.”

Lance doesn’t say a word.

“You know I have to do this.”

“You have a daughter, Oliver. A girl who already lost her mother. She cannot lose her father too.”

“She won’t. She _won’t_.”

“You’ll be gone for a day at least,” Lyla cuts in, but Oliver takes it positively that she’s not telling him he can’t go.

“Thea and Donna will take care of Meghan. They’ve done it before. I’m a businessman; I go on trips all the time. She’ll be fine. I’m going with you.”

Lyla shakes her head. “I’m not going. But I will send you with the team that is.” She considers something for a moment. “I’m going to ask Johnny to go with you. If anything goes wrong, my team can’t watch your back, but he can.”

“You know I can more than take care of myself, Lyla.”

“Yes, but you’re stronger together.” She stands, looking him directly in the eye. “They leave in an hour and twenty minutes. They won’t wait for you.”

Oliver nods, already moving. He’s at the door when Lance speaks.

“Oliver?”

The tone catches him off guard slightly. He turns back to Lance and notices for the first time a strange, haunting worry on the Captain’s face. “Bring our girl home.”

Oliver nods tightly, and rushes out of the building.

He calls Thea first, and explaining in breathless tones what Lyla told him as he rushes to his car. Digg calls him as soon as he’s off the phone, promising to be there and take care of everything. “Just get yourself to the base on time. I’ve go the rest covered.”

Donna is waiting for Meghan to get home from school when he gets there, his appearance and rushed movements worrying her.

“Oliver, is something wrong?”

He flies into the bedroom, undoing his tie. “I need you and Thea to take care of Meg for a day or so. Is that ok? Please say it’s ok.”

She stands outside the bedroom as he slips into the walk-in closet and begins to change his clothes.

“It’s fine, Oliver, but are you going to tell me why?”

“You might want to sit down.”

“Um, ok?”

He comes back out to find her standing by the door. “No, really you might want to sit down.” He leads her to the edge of the bed. Sitting, she looks at him expectantly.

“I got a call from Quentin at the office today. ARGUS has a lead on a case that the SCPD ‘officially’ closed 2 years ago.”

Donna nodded, still not following. Oliver swallows hard. His voice is still hoarse when he speaks again. “Lyla says they might have found Felicity.”

A hand flies to Donna’s mouth as the words sink in. He takes the other in his and squeezes it tight.

“I don’t want you to get too excited, especially since they aren’t 100% sure. But Digg and I are going to go, and if it’s her, I’m going to bring her home.”

Donna draws him into a tight hug, blinking back tears. “Go, Oliver. Meghan will be fine. Go bring my baby home.”

He nods into her shoulder, unable to speak. After a moment he pulls away and runs out the door, calling Digg. They have a plane to catch.

_______________ 

_January 12 th, 2021_

_Blinding light. Fear. Shouting. Angry men. Searing pain. Darkness._

_These are the last things Felicity remembers. Her head throbs as she wakes, blinking in the semi-darkness._

_“Wakey, wakey,” says a sinister voice that makes her skin crawl. A small, bright light flashes on. She blinks and tries to turn away, the dull headache behind her eyes flaring into a sharp pain. Belatedly, she realizes that her arms are tied behind her and she can barely move._

_Panic sets in. The man’s face is hidden in shadows and he’s fumbling with something in his other hand. She struggles to ignore the pain in her head and remember what happened._

_“Say hello to your husband, Mrs. Queen,” the man sneers, shoving a cheap camera in her face. “Oh, that’s right.” He laughs, and she realizes her mouth is taped shut._

_He turns the camera and the light on himself and she notices that he wears a mask. “As you can see, she’s here, and unharmed. Well, mostly unharmed. Nothing life-threatening. If you do as we say, and she does as we say, she will live a long life. Don’t try to find her, because if you do, she will die.”_

_Felicity feels sick. She literally feels like she’s going to throw up. Only she’d probably choke herself to death since her mouth can’t open right now. She breathes slowly and as deeply as she can through her nose, briefly closing her eyes and trying to starve off the nausea. It’s a bit harder than expected since the room smells stale and dirty, and a little bit like wet socks._

_The man spins his camera back around. The light glints against a crack in the left lens of her glasses. “I sincerely hope you do cooperate, Mrs. Queen. I’d hate to have to hurt someone as…exquisite as you.”_

_She can’t see much of his face, but the look in his eyes sends a pulse of anxiety through her chest. Her spine tenses and now she really feels like she’s going to throw up. Gagging beneath the tape on her mouth, she feels her eyes start to water. The man must interpret her movement as some sort of affirmative, because he turns the camera on himself once again._

_“Well, Mr. Queen. It seems your wife is on the same page as us. Now it’s up to you. Remember, if you don’t come looking for us, she’ll be fine. Wave bye-bye darling!” He shoves the camera in her face once more with another sinister cackle, and as he laughs, the light clicks off._

_She listens to him move away, and in a few moments, she is alone._

_______________

_April 12 th 2024_

The flight takes longer than he’d figured, but Oliver doesn’t rest. The agents chat a bit and some sleep, but every nerve in Oliver’s body is on edge. All he can think about is Felicity.

Taking a photo from his pocket, he stares at it. He’d taken it on his phone some time ago, just after they’d gotten married. She is laughing, light from the setting sun glinting off one of her earrings. It is his favorite picture of her.

“That your wife?” asks one of Lyla’s guys, Judd. Oliver glances up, not really wanting to share the image. After a beat he nods and leans over, handing the man the photo.

The guy next to him whistles, and Oliver felt a surge of protectiveness and jealousy in his chest. “She’s one of them we’re looking for, eh?”

“Yes.”

“This an old photo?”

Oliver nods, forcing the words past the lump in his throat. “Almost 6 years.”

Judd nods, still looking at the image. “She’ll probably still look similar, though, right? I mean, she’s pretty young. Anything significant you think might have changed?”

Oliver hasn’t thought about the fact that Felicity might look different. He swallows hard. Not that it matters as long as she is ok and safe, but the image in his head is still of her like this. He shoves those thoughts aside, trying to think of helpful information to give to the agents. The photo is being passed around now and they are all listening.

“Uh, well, she used to dye her hair. So it might be brown. Uh, light-ish brown. And I mean, she has glasses, obviously, but she might not have them, I guess.” He tried not to think too hard about what they might have done to her. “She wore contacts sometimes.” The last bit he adds softly, to keep ugly thoughts of what she might have gone through from his mind.

The agents nod, murmuring to each other, looking at the photo. When it circles back around to Oliver he takes one last long look and tucks it in a pocket by his chest. Digg puts a hand on his shoulder lightly, grounding him just enough.

They reach the compound after almost ten hours in the air. Five agents go ahead to storm the entrance and take out the initial guards, while four others take out snipers. Oliver, Diggle and the remaining four agents stay behind until the all-clear signal is given.

None of the men or women operating the compound are present, and only the guards and prisoners are left. Lyla was right: they’d left in a hurry after ARGUS’s initial contact.

Several prisoners are in rooms lining one hallway. Four of the agents go to let them out, checking to make sure they’re the right people and taking them back to the plane. There are eleven total, and Felicity is not among them.

Four of the other agents search the rest of the compound for the remaining four prisoners, along with Oliver and Diggle. It seems like hours before they find another group of bolted doors, nearer the middle of the compound. Another three guards are waiting for them, but Oliver helps Judd take them down instantly.

Felicity is here; he just knows it.

Rick takes the first room, letting out a small Asian woman who reminds Oliver a little of Tatsu. Oliver opens the second door to a young redhead who stares at him for several seconds after he explains they are getting them out, before she follows Rick and the other lady down the hall. Kenzie lets out a skinny older man from the fourth room.

There are two more doors, a turn in the hallway, and another set of doors. Digg is ahead of them, at the second to last door. When he busts it open, though, he pauses for a moment and stares inside.

“I think you might want to come here, Oliver,” he says, voice low and shaky. Oliver rushes forward. Even Diggle’s shocked expression doesn’t prepare him for what he sees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close, folks! Sorry for the cliffhanger, but next weeks update just begged to be opened with the next couple of scenes. I know you're all really longing to see Felicity, and I promise she's coming. Don't worry, though, our story is far from over! The real pain is about to come. *grins evilly*. 
> 
> Chapter Title from T.S. Eliot's "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock." I'm a nerd, I know. 
> 
> Hope you liked it so far! Leave me a comment and let me know what you think!


	5. I’ll Know My Name as its Called Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Mumford and Sons "The Cave". 
> 
> TW: Mentions of torture and the aftermath (nothing graphic).

_January 13 th, 2021_

_“What do you want from me?”_

_Felicity’s shaking, hands bound behind her back, barefoot and without her glasses in this strange place, but she keeps her spine straight and her head up. There is a large man on either side of her, presumably to make sure she doesn’t go anywhere. It wouldn’t make a difference though: she’s not stupid enough to run, since she has not idea where she is, or even what country she’s in._

_The man in front of her is wearing a lab coat. He has white hair and dark eyes and is almost as tall as Oliver. He seems to be in charge._

_“Mrs. Queen. Please, take a seat.” His voice is slimy and makes her grimace. Gesturing at the chair across from the desk, he waits for her to sit. Felicity must hesitate a moment too long, because on of the thugs grabs her by the shoulder and shoves her into it. Lab Coat sits when she does._

_Felicity glares at him._

_“Why am I here?” she asks, but it’s more of a demand than a question. The man smiles patronizingly and laces his fingers together on the desk._

_“I know you must have a lot of questions. Unfortunately, I can’t answer them all. What I can tell you is that we need your expertise. Your computer skills are the best, and we need your help. We are building an empire, for the best and the brightest, and you are the only one that can help us.”_

_“Then why kidnap me? Why not just ask?”_

_“If we simply asked, you might not comply.”_

_“And how can you be sure that I will comply now? You’ve kidnapped me, why should I do what you want?”_

_He smiles at her until she is uncomfortable. “You have a daughter, do you not? And a husband, and a mother, and a goddaughter? We have eyes on them. We will do terrible things to them if you do not agree to our wishes.”_

_He stands and moves to a screen on the left wall. Turning it on, he flips through camera footage of Oliver at work, Meg at daycare, Donna going shopping after her yoga class. There’s even a clip of Lyla and Sara walking down the street. Felicity feels like throwing up again. She can feel her breathing getting more and more rapid and tears sting her eyes as she tires to remain calm._

_“You’re blackmailing me. You would threaten a child,_ children _, just to get what you want.”_

_“This is for the greater good, Mrs. Queen. This is for a better cause, something bigger than all of us.” He sits back in his chair and stares her directly in the eye. Felicity refuses to look away, but she doesn’t answer him either. He continues: “Ask yourself, which side of history do you want to be on? The one that dies before it all begins, or the one whose safety is ensured by agreeing to our wishes?”_

_She swallows hard. Her head hurts and her back aches and her stomach spins. “I do what you want and you will leave my family, my city, alone.” It’s more of a clarification than a demand, but she tries to be as firm as possible._

_“Yes. Until this plan is put into action, and then we will only interfere to make sure that they are safe.”_

_It reminds her of Darhk, really. But she doesn’t want to anger them by saying she’s seen this all before and they’ll never get away with it. The words must be written on her face, however because the man forward slightly._

_“They will not come for you. If they do, we will kill them, and then you. We’ve made sure of that. Your husband will leave it alone; your vigilante friends and police friends will leave it alone. You will do what we wish, and they will not come for you. We_ will _succeed. You must choose to help us or to be killed, here and now.”_

_Felicity wasn’t expecting it to be put so bluntly, but she swallows her fear and stiffens her back. She grits her teeth and nods, once. “I will help you.”_

_She can only hope that it’s the right decision. She can only hope that someday, she’ll be able to outsmart them._

_______________

_April 12 th, 2024_

Her arms burn.

Which is strange, since they also feel quite numb. Felicity discovers with a disturbing lack of alarm that she can’t move her fingers. She knows if she just stands up, it will relieve some of the pressure and her arms will at least be kind of by her sides instead of above her head and she can maybe get some blood flowing back into them. But she is too tired to stand. Much too tired.

(She realizes too that she stop shivering a while ago. Water is probably still dripping off her hair and clothes, but her skin is so cold she can’t feel it. The thin tank top and yoga pants she’s wearing don’t help conserve warmth in any capacity.)

A faint nose sounds down the hall, and Felicity wonders if someone is finally coming to get her. Normally when they bring her here, they take her out as soon as they’re done ‘interrogating’.

Ever since she sent out that encrypted signal, they’ve been trying to get information out of her: where and to whom it was sent, and more importantly how much it could be traced. She hasn’t revealed anything yet, the knowledge that she doesn’t even know if it worked is keeping her mouth shut.

They found out pretty quickly that unless she was chained to the ceiling, she would fight back. They could try to beat her, kick her, and even throw ice-cold water into her face, but she would always fight. Oliver and Digg had taught her that much. Chained up, however? That was something she couldn’t do, even for Thomas. So she takes the beating, but doesn’t say a word. Eventually, they give up and leave. Usually, take her back to her cell right away, or very soon after.

Today, it’s been at least an hour. Maybe two.

She almost strains to hear the nose again, but her mind keeps wandering. Her mouth still tastes like blood. It had been worse today, but shorter. They’d left in a hurry: some protocol evacuation drill or something. She doesn’t think a full month has passed since the last evacuation drill, but maybe she is just losing track of time from being here so long. (Or maybe she’s disoriented from the blow to her head. The blood has dried by now, but she can kind of feel it on her face still. They don’t usually hit her this hard.)

Shouting comes from down the hall again, faint but definitely there this time. It’s strange, she thinks hazily: the guards never come to this part of the compound when her captors are away. Felicity groans, shifting on her knees, pain shooting through her left wrist instead of relief. She leans away to take the pressure off. She just wants to see Thomas, make sure he is all right. He must be so scared and alone…

The door bangs open, causing her to flinch. Brightness from the hall bursts in, along with a large man. She can’t really see him, though, as the room was dark and the light is blinding. He stares at her for a moment, then calls something to someone down the hall. He sounds urgent, but she doesn’t really care what he is saying, and lets her head droop forward. If they are going to threaten or even beat her again, she’d rather they just get it over with so she can go lie down. She’s not going to tell them anything, and wishes they’d catch onto that soon.

“Felicity,” someone breathes.

She must be dreaming.

First, few here ever speak her name anymore. Second, the only person in the world who says it like _that_ is Oliver. Groaning, she tries to pull herself to her feet, because the beating hurts less that way. It is no use; her arms have no strength left. She tries again, shifting her feet around some but she’s too tired, too cold.

Someone kneels in front of her slowly. Whoever it is reaches for her face, and she flinches backwards, knowing the beating will be worse because of her fear but unable to stop herself. Instead of a strike, though, the hand gently moves the damp hair that has fallen out of her ponytail away from her bruised face.

“Oh god. Felicity.”

She manages to open her eyes to look up and almost starts crying at the vision in front of her. Great. Now she’s hallucinating too. She wonders fleetingly if they drugged her. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“You’re not real,” she manages to rasp out through her dry throat. Suddenly, she’s very thirsty. Maybe she’s been here longer than she’d thought. Her lips are dry too and she thinks they’ve maybe started to bleed.

He says something to the other man that she doesn’t have the strength to listen to or comprehend. When he turns back there is an unreadable expression on his face.

“I’m here. It’s me. It’s ok, you’re safe. We’re getting you out of here.” He reaches for her again and she allows herself a moment of weakness, leaning into his touch. Oliver used to love to frame her face in his hands.

“I’m dreaming,” she whispers, mostly to herself, closing her eyes again. “I’m dreaming.”

“No, honey, you aren’t dreaming. I’m here. You’re safe now.” His voice is thick with an emotion that she doesn’t bother trying to decipher.

She shakes her head slightly at her words, but it hurts too much and she stops. Maybe if she keeps taking they’ll think she’s going to reveal something and won’t hurt her again. The only words that come out, though, are a babble. “I’ve never felt you before. Or heard you. Only seen you. Am I dead? Maybe I died.” She coughs slightly, a weak, dry cough that lacks the strength to expel the wet tightness in her lungs.

She’s so tired.

The man before her shakes his head empathetically and she manages to look up into his eyes for a moment, watching them fill with tears. They’re even blue like her Oliver’s.

“Felicity. Felicity, honey, I’m here. We’re going home. Ok? You aren’t dead. You aren’t going to die.” He’s definitely crying now; even if she couldn’t see the wetness on his cheeks, she could hear it in his voice. He sounds so empathetic and kind: she decides that this kind of torture is worse.

The pain in her heart almost distracts her from the pain in her arms and side. She closes her eyes for a long moment, but when they flicker open again, he is still in front of her. There are tears streaming down his face and he looks so vulnerable, so broken, and yet so hopeful that her heart leaps with longing.

“You’re still here.” She’d thought that looking away again might clear her head that she could convince her mind that the hallucination isn’t true. Clearly, she was wrong.

“I’m not going anywhere. Not without you.” he brushes a hand over her tangled hair. The other, larger man comes up beside them again suddenly, and she flinches away, not looking at him. The chains jerk at her wrists and she cries out, but she’s so weak it’s more like a strangled squeak.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” _He_ stands and starts to do something to the chains. She can tell he’s trying not to move the bindings too much so he doesn’t hurt her. Haze clouds her mind, and she wonders yet again why he’s being so kind. (It _must_ be some sort of new psychological torture. It has to be, doesn’t it?)

When her hands fall free, she collapses. Instead of meeting the cold, hard, cement, though, she’s lying in his arms, looking up at his face. It still looks like Oliver’s. She’s having trouble focusing on it though, because her arms are filling with lead and it _hurts,_ even more than the numb throbbing from before. Warmth seeps in from his body and she starts to shiver.

He bends over her, closing his eyes and touching their foreheads together. “Felicity.”

She can feel his warm breath on her face, and damn it, he even _smells_ like Oliver.

“You’re here?” she slurs, voice weak and hoarse. Maybe this is all a dream, a hallucination, but some tiny ounce of hope begins to expand in her heart.

“I’m here. Come on. We’re going home.”

He lifts her up in his arms, pillowing her head against her shoulder. She leans into him. It feels so good and nice and comforting, despite the throbbing in her head and side, the heaviness of her arms. She allows herself a moment of weakness, of comfort.

Her head pounds, though, and she knows she’s forgetting something. She struggles to stay awake, to remember it. It’s important, she knows that much.

_Thomas._

Jolting in his arms, she tries to get free of his hold. “NO! No, Oliver! No!” She thrashes around, pushing away from him. “Oliver, my baby. You have to get him. I’m not going. No, my baby!”

“Meggie’s at home, Felicity. We’re going home to her. It’s ok.”

“NO!” she cries, and manages to free herself from his arms, turning to run back. The thought of Thomas all alone sends a surge of strength through her, but it’s not quite enough, she’s too drained. She crashes to the ground, pain flaring in her side and her vision fizzing out for a moment. He’s been by himself for hours and is probably scared. She scrambles down the hall, half-crawling. She makes it past four doors before collapsing, her words coming out in a slur. “My baby. My little boy. Have to get my boy. Need to get him. Has t’ come with us.”

Hysteria bubbles in her throat as white spots dance before her eyes. The little strength she has left she uses to try to drag herself away, out of Oliver’s concerned grasp. Her chest feels tighter as she thinks of the little boy left behind.

A third man comes up to them. Felicity barely hears his urging words. “We’ve got to go soon. All prisoners are recovered and the traps are in place.”

Oliver speaks, “She wants a child. There’s a child here, I think. Did you find one?”

“There isn’t a child that I saw or heard of. We didn’t check the rooms down there, though, since we found all fifteen prisoners otherwise.”

Felicity sobs and coughs, curled on the floor, too exhausted to fight anymore. “My boy. You have to get him. Oliver, please. Get him, Oliver. Get my baby.”

“I’ll go.”

Looking up at the words, she sees the other man that came into that room to rescue her for the first time. _John._ Some sort of emotion sparks in her chest, but she can’t focus on that now. Dizzy, she shakes her head. She can’t think of why right now, but it’s important that Oliver get the boy.

“No, Oliver. Please. Has to be Oliver.” She can’t draw a full breath and the world is going fuzzy.

He’s kneeling in front of her, holding her face in his hands and tipping her chin up to look her in the eyes. “Felicity. Honey. It’s ok. I’ll go get him. Ok? Breathe. Breathe for me. I’ll go get him.”

Everything’s fading as she manages to nod. Standing, he turns to Digg. “Take her back to the plane. Radio me if there is already a kid there. I’ll check those rooms and come back out.”

Another thought surfaces, and she struggles to get the words out. “Robin Hood. Oliver!” he has to know the words. “Oliver, say it. Robin…”

“Ok, hon. Robin Hood.” He kisses her forehead softly and stands.

John lifts her up gently as Oliver turns and walks away. A tear slips out of the corner of her eye, and she almost regrets her decision in sending him. What if it _was_ all a dream and she never sees Oliver again?

She starts to shiver harder, and the world fades into blissful blackness.

_____

The first four rooms are empty. Oliver races to check them. He hates to be apart from her for even a moment, but this is important to her. He believes her too; there is a kid here somewhere. Whether or not the child is actually Felicity’s doesn’t matter.

He notices the difference right away when he enters the fifth room. The lighting is brighter and almost natural. There is a twin-sized bed, a shelf with books, a child sized table with chairs, and several toys scattered about the room. Soft, classical music is playing from a small CD player. A small but rather healthy looking little boy of about 2 sits at the table, a blanket tucked under his arm, coloring. He looks up, frightened, and shrinks away from Oliver.

Oliver stares for a moment before kneeling down, trying to make himself as un-intimidating as possible. He knows he could easily grab the boy and run, but something stops him; he needs the boy to trust him.

“Hey, there.”

Big blue eyes stare up at him. Oliver approaches the boy slowly. “I’m here to help you, ok?”

The eyes never waver from his face. The boy sits very still, crayon clenched in his fist and no longer moving across the page.

“I need you to come with me. I’m going to get you out of here. You’re going to be safe, alright?” The boy does not respond.

“Will you come with me? Will you let me take you out of here?”

“Want mama.” The voice is small, and it breaks Oliver’s heart.

“I have your mama with me. We’re getting you both out of here.”

“You see mama?” For an instant, there is interest, before the boy seems to remember his place and pulls back.

Oliver inches forward, nodding. “I saw your mama. She is asking for you. I’ll take you to her, ok?” Pulling the photo from his pocket, he holds it out, hoping the boy will be able to recognize Felicity. “She’s getting on a big plane, and I’m taking you both to a safe place.”

The boy’s brow furrows as he stares at the photo. “Plane?”

Intrigue might help the kid come with him. “Come on. I’ll show you.”

The boy shakes his head. “Didn’ say it.”

Oliver stares at him for a minute, but the boy is adamant.

_Say it, Oliver._

With a small laugh, Oliver realizes what Felicity was trying to tell him. She didn’t want him to say the words to her, but to the child.

“You like Robin Hood, buddy?”

The little boy sighs, relief flickering over his face. He stands and goes to Oliver, placing his small hand in the outstretched larger one. Oliver glances around the room, looking for anything important. A small portfolio of child’s drawings and a few photographs sits on the shelf. He takes it, along with a small thin notebook with “ _Records_ ” printed on the cover in Felicity’s handwriting. The rest of the books and toys and clothes look basic and unimportant. He grabs a small stuffed bear from the bed, hands it to the boy, and picks him up.

As quickly as he can without jarring the boy, he runs down the hall and out of the compound. The plane is already started up as they exit and he hurries across the field to board it. All the prisoners and soldiers are inside waiting. As soon as Oliver boards, the pilot prepares for takeoff.

“Felicity?” Oliver shouts over the noise of agents talking with the rescued prisoners. “Digg? Where Felicity?”

A few of the ARGUS agents point him toward the back of the plane, where ARGUS’s medic has rigged up a sort of cot for Felicity to lie on. Digg is stationed at her side, trying to do what he can to help. He stands when Oliver approaches.

“You found the kid.” There’s a hint of surprise in his voice, but also relief.

Oliver nods, glancing at the trembling boy in his arms. The child has already latched onto Oliver tightly, shying away from Digg by tucking his face into Oliver’s neck. Oliver rubs his back soothingly, and steps toward Felicity. “What’s wrong?”

“She passed out almost before we made it in here. I think she’s dehydrated on top of everything else,” Digg explains.

“Mama!” the boy cries, turning to peak at Digg and seeing her. He struggles to get free of Oliver’s hold, so Oliver lets him down on the edge of the cot and kneels next to the two of them, keeping a hand on the child. It pains him to see her like this. She’s shivering, wrapped in Digg’s jacket and a thin blanket as the medic listens to her lungs with a stethoscope.

“Take it easy, buddy. She’s hurting right now.”

“Mama ok?”

“She will be.”

Felicity’s eyes flutter open, landing on Oliver’s face first, then on the child’s. “Found him,” she mumbles, relief filling her tone, even through the slurred hoarseness. She tries to smile at the boy, reaching out a trembling hand to brush back the sandy blonde hair from his bright blue eyes.

“Yeah. I did, Felicity.” He reaches for her, taking her free hand in his. He’s aware of the boy’s eyes on them as he kisses her knuckles and she weakly skims her fingertips over the side of his face.

“We need to strap her down, sir, for takeoff safety. It’s best if you and the boy strap in too.”

Oliver nods, squeezing Felicity’s fingers gently before letting go. “Come on, buddy. We have to sit over here for just a minute.”

The boy doesn’t want to leave Felicity, and begins to cry as Oliver picks him up and straps him in. As sleep begins to claim her again, Felicity tries to console him, but Oliver’s not sure it does much good in her current state. He tries to comfort the child as much as he can, but it’s difficult with half of his attention on Felicity. The medic straps her legs and torso down and the plane takes off.

The next few minutes are agonizing, but as soon as the pilot gives the “all clear” signal, Oliver leaves his seat and sits down on a crate next to the cot. The little boy cries louder in his seat, but while Oliver keeps one hand on him, the majority of his focus is on his wife.

The medic continues her examination. “She’s fairly dehydrated, and probably a bit malnourished from the looks of it. I can’t do a lot here, but we’re wiring ahead for an ambulance.”

Oliver nods, unable to look at the woman, his eyes only on Felicity. She’s fading in and out of sleep, more than likely due to the torture she received recently. Her lips tremble in her half-awake state, and he realizes she’s still shivering. Reaching out, he discovers that she’s soaked to the bone.

“Can we get her into something warmer?”

The medic nods. “If you have something, sir, that would raise her body temperature better and might help her sleep.”

“Digg, did you bring any extra clothing? Another sweatshirt or something?” Oliver’s already moving to take off his own sweater, but John stops him, turning to pull a small duffel bag from behind one of the seats.

“Better. Lyla figured Felicity might want to get out of whatever clothes she was in, so she sent along a tank top, sweatshirt, sweatpants and some thick socks, just in case.”

It’s a small thing, but it makes Oliver relax a tiny bit. “You and Lyla are saints, John.”

“Remember that next time I tell you to not do something stupid,” deadpans his friend.

Oliver rolls his eyes teasingly and hands Digg the blanket that was draped over Felicity. “Hold this up for privacy?”

Un-strapping her carefully, and Oliver and the medic change Felicity’s clothing quickly, peeling the wet outfit off and slipping her into the dry one from Lyla. Felicity herself tries to help, moving her arms and legs when needed, but they mostly do it for her, as she’s only half-awake and still a little delusional. She’s still shivering when he pulls the socks onto her ice-cold feet, and Oliver rubs them in his hands a little bit, trying to ignore how baggy the sweatshirt is on her and how tightly he’d had to pull the drawstring on the pants.

When she’s dressed and lying back down again, the medic straps her back in and covers her with the blanket. “I’m not sure if there’s anything else for me to do at this point. I’ll be back to monitor her after checking up on the others. If you can, get some fluids into her.”

“What about the boy?” Oliver asks, glancing toward the trembling child, still strapped into the seat and clutching his stuffed toy for dear life. He sniffles and rubs at his nose.

“I’ll check him over first if he’ll let me.”

“Can he rest with her? On the cot, I mean?”

The woman considers. “I don’t see why not. Body heat might be good for her too, and I don’t think that this setup is sturdy enough to support another adult, unfortunately.”

Oliver goes to the boy, un-straps him and carries him over. Setting him on the edge of the cot, he crouches and brushes away a few tears.

“This nice lady is going to take a quick look at you, ok buddy? Then you can lie down and rest.”

The boy sniffles, but lets the woman check over him. The examination is quick, and though the child is clearly terrified, he barely makes a sound.

“He seems to be in good health. I’d suggest having him in the hospital at least overnight as well, but just to make sure everything is ok. She’s the mother?”

Oliver doesn’t know quite how to respond. “I…uh…”

“Well, she might be able to give us some more information about his medical history when she’s gotten some better care herself. Let them rest now, there’s not anything else I can do here.” With a soft smile, she leaves to examine the other rescuees.

“You can rest now, buddy,” Oliver tells the boy. He lifts the blanket so the child can scoot closer to Felicity. The boy touches her bruised face gently with his small hand before curling up next to her, tucking into her side with the practiced ease of someone that sleeps near her every night. Felicity’s eyes flutter open, darting around as she searches for Oliver. She finds him as the boy snuggles into her side, and she relaxes a tiny bit.

“Rest,” Oliver whispers, and she finally does, her eyes ceasing their fight to remain open, her furrowed brow smoothing out. Within minutes, Felicity and the little boy are both asleep. One of Felicity’s arms moves around the child even in her unconscious state, and with him secure next to her, she relaxes even further.

Oliver settles in on his crate, smoothing his fingers over her temple, stroking her hair softly, as if touch is the only thing that can convince him that she is truly there.

_____

When the medic comes back to check up on Felicity a while later, she tries not to show her concern. Oliver notices anyway. “What’s wrong?”

“Her blood pressure is dropping and her breathing is more shallow than before. Did she drink anything before falling asleep?”

Oliver shakes his head, anxiety growing in the pit of his stomach.

“Her body’s probably finally reacting to the stress it’s been through, and since she’s so dehydrated and exhausted, she could be going into shock.”

Oliver sits forward, every nerve in his body on edge. “Can you do anything?”

“I don’t have an IV here, and that would be the most helpful thing. We can try to wake her and get her to drink some, but she’ll probably be delirious and her body might reject it.”

They manage to rouse Felicity, but it’s clear that she’s not fully aware of what’s happening. The little boy wakes and starts crying, and Diggle has no luck calming him down. They try to get her to drink some water, but she only manages a few sips before throwing it back up.

One of the other former prisoners comes to the back, introducing himself as Dr. Jaredson. His presence calms the child a tiny bit, as they seem to know each other. Still, the boy doesn’t stop reaching for Felicity, crying, every time she loses the water Oliver’s managed to get her to drink.

The next few hours are difficult. The boy won’t stop crying for Felicity, and Felicity slips in and out of consciousness. Oliver sits on the cot with her propped up in his lap, trying to get her to stay awake and drink something, but every time she does, it comes right back out. Diggle manages to find a bucket, but Oliver’s afraid she’s lost more water than she can afford. The little boy won’t eat or drink anything either, distressed over Felicity’s condition.

By the time they land in Star City, Oliver’s nearly vibrating with tension. Felicity has barely kept anything down, her skin is cold and clammy, and they can’t keep her awake. The child sobs when they pull him away to strap him in for the landing.

Oliver is let off the plane first, carrying Felicity in his arms. Jaredson and the boy are right behind them, with Diggle at their side. An ambulance is waiting, as well as a few cops, Captain Lance among them. As Oliver hurries to the gurney the paramedics have waiting, Lance falls into step next to them, worry lacing his voice.

“Oliver, is she…”

“She’s alive. Call Donna. Have her meet us at the hospital.”

Lance nods, pulling out his phone.

The paramedics load Felicity into the ambulance. The boy starts screaming, and even Jaredson can’t calm him. He brings him to Oliver.

The paramedics call to him. “Sir, we need to leave. If you’re coming with, we should go now.”

Oliver tries to comfort the boy, turning to the man on the ambulance. “What about…”

“There’s no room sir, I’m sorry.” The paramedic has the decency to look sympathetic. Oliver is torn, but he doesn’t want to leave Felicity’s side.

“I don’t think he’s ever been away from her like this,” Oliver explains, but still the paramedic shakes his head.

Oliver glances at Digg, then back to Jaredson. He presses a kiss to the boy’s head, trying to comfort him as much as possible.

Digg places a hand on the child. “We’ll follow you, Oliver. Go.”

Lance cuts in. “I’ll take them. We’ll be right behind you.”

“Donna?” Oliver questions, stepping up into the ambulance.

“Lyla’s bringing her,” Lance responds. Oliver’s nodding as he turns, Lance already leading Digg and Jaredson to the squad car.

The paramedic pulls the ambulance door closed and Oliver turns to Felicity. An oxygen mask already covers her face, and he’s struck again by how thin and pale she is. As they begin to speed down the road toward the hospital, he takes hold of her hand and prays that everything will be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the Felicity POV. There will be more of that going forward, now that she's back in the story! THe difficulty isn't over though, just because she's rescued. Let me know what you think in the comments. As always, thanks for reading :)


	6. I’ve got plenty of time (but I want everything now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna heads to the hospital, Oliver and Felicity's doctor discuss their next steps. The Queen family begins to get put back together.

_April 13 th, 2024_

Donna has been unable to breathe properly since yesterday afternoon when Oliver had come home in a rush, saying they might have found her darling girl. She hasn’t ever truly given up hope in the last three years, but wishing and knowing are two very different things. This evening, when Lyla Michaels-Diggle had showed up on the doorstep to take her to the hospital, she’d nearly collapsed from relief. Now, all that was keeping her going was the thought that Felicity might need her.

She sits in Lyla’s car, shaking from anticipation and some measure of worry. _Felicity’s home._ Relief or not, it’s still surreal, and she’s incredibly grateful for Mr. Diggle’s wife, because there’s no way she would be able to drive safely right now.

“What did Quentin say?” she asks for the third (or fourth?) time since Lyla picked her up.

Lyla shoots her a sympathetic look and takes a left at a stop sign. “Again, not much. They’re headed to Starling General, and you need to be there as soon as possible.”

“Oh, my baby.” Tears fill her eyes. If they’re headed to the hospital in such a hurry, something’s wrong. Donna just knows it. Just _how_ bad, is the real question, one she can’t entertain the possibilities of until she knows more. She wrings her hands together, and fights the urge to ask Lyla to drive faster.

It takes too long if you ask Donna, but they get there. Thankfully, they’re able to get out right at the door, where another agent is waiting to take Lyla’s car and park it. Lyla calls her husband as they step inside, and follows his directions, leading Donna down the hallways to find Oliver.

He’s pacing in front of the private suite when they find him, Mr. Diggle sitting in one of the chairs nearby. An older man with a sleeping little boy curled in his lap is next to John, but Donna pays them no mind.

As soon as Oliver sees Donna, he stops his pacing and hurries to her, wrapping her in a hug. Lyla goes to hug Mr. Diggle, and they step off to the side, speaking in hushed tones. Donna melts into her son-in-law’s embrace, relieved at seeing him here unharmed. She knows that he had to go be the one to bring Felicity back, but part of her wishes he’d have stayed so she wouldn’t have had to worry about him too.

He holds her tightly for a long time and Donna lets him. They’re both in need of it, stress from the last few days, years really, melting away some. When he finally speaks, his voice shaky. “They’re examining her, but they’ll let us see her before they prep her for surgery. A doctor should be out to let us know more soon.”

“Surgery?” Donna gasps, pulling back to look at his face. He nods, swallowing audibly.

“They hoped she wouldn’t need it, but…”

“How bad is it, Oliver, really?” Her eyes search his face for information. Mostly, though he just looks bedraggled and worn, dark circles under his eyes. He’s clearly exhausted, and she places a gentle, mothering hand on the side of his face.

He takes a breath, leaning into the small comfort a tiny bit. “Not good, but nothing she can’t recover from.” Fear and hope somehow both lace his voice.

Donna swallows hard, unsure of what he’s not telling her. “Will she?”

Oliver’s eyes slip closed, revealing the fear he doesn’t expand upon. Tears well in Donna’s eyes, and she pulls him back into the hug.

“She’ll survive, Oliver. She’s strong. She’ll be ok.”

He nods into her hair, and they stay like that, waiting. Together, they listen to the ticking of the clock, haunting them for what feels like centuries. Lyla sits in the chair and begins to talk to the other man that sits there, but Donna doesn’t notice.

When Felicity’s door opens, Donna and Oliver continue to hold onto each other, waiting as the doctor smiles warmly and gestures for them to come inside. A nurse hurries out the door and down the hall. Oliver glances back at Mr. Diggle, but Donna is only focused on getting to her daughter.

Nothing could have prepared her to enter that room.

Felicity lies on the bed, looking small and pale against the white sheets. She’s swimming in the hospital gown they’ve dressed her in, and the blanket across her legs does nothing to hide how thin she is. Her face, too, looks drawn, almost gaunt, and her arms remind Donna of when she was a gangly pre-teen, all awkward angles and bones. A cannula rests beneath her nose, and she’s hooked up to several machines, including an IV and heat rate monitor. Her hair is mousy brown—its natural color—all traces of the blonde she loved to dye it gone.

Donna sinks into the chair next to her daughter’s bed, unable to speak. Oliver places a hand on her shoulder in comfort and solidarity, and Donna reaches out to brush some hair back from Felicity’s forehead. Butterfly stitches patch a small gash on her temple; overtop a dark, nasty bruise that extends from hairline to eye. Donna’s heart breaks for her daughter, and she fights back tears.

The doctor speaks up, his words mostly directed toward Oliver.

“Your wife’s been through quite an ordeal, Mr. Queen. We’re most concerned about the hypovolemic shock right now, but she’s responding to the treatment well.”

“Hypovolemic shock?” Oliver questions. Donna has no idea what that even means, but it doesn’t sound good.

“She’s incredibly undernourished and dehydrated, which has contributed to a decrease in blood volume. It appears that she has lost some blood due to injury, as well as a internal bleeding due to a mildly ruptured spleen, which we will go in for surgery in just a minute. Giving her oxygen aid is helping circulate the oxygen that is in her system, we’re replenishing her fluids also. She has a low fever and several non-threatening external injuries, bruises and small cuts, but nothing too worrisome. One of her ribs is cracked, but it should heal on it’s own just fine. Her left wrist is probably sprained and at least partially healed, so we’ll put a brace on that right away to help it heal faster and correctly. We’ll check for recent concussions and any other pain she’s having when she wakes after surgery.”

Oliver thanks the man tensely. Donna looks up, brushing away tears, and the doctor smiles kindly at them both.

“I’ll give you a few minutes, and a nurse will be in to prep her. We’d like to get that surgery done as soon as possible.” With that, he steps out of the room.

“Thank you,” Oliver manages to croak out. He gives Donna’s shoulder one last squeeze, and then moves to sit in the chair on the other side of Felicity. He blinks back tears as he slips his hand under hers gently, so he doesn’t jar the IV clip on her finger.

_____

Thankfully, since the damage to Felicity’s spleen is minimal, the surgery doesn’t take long. However, she still has to be in recovery for a little while, which takes time. After she’s out of the OR, Diggle takes Donna to find some food and coffee.

Oliver heads back to Felicity’s room, where Lyla waits in the hallway with Dr. Jaredson and the sleeping child. He’d sobbed himself to sleep shortly after they arrived at the hospital. Oliver felt terrible about not getting him checked out right away, but Jaredson and Digg had urged him to focus on Felicity. Now, though, he calls for a nurse to get a check up.

They take him into the room, and someone brings in another hospital bed for him to sit on. As soon as Oliver lifts him from Jaredson’s arms, he wakes and begins to cry again.

“Hey, buddy, it’s ok. You’re going to be ok.”

He cries for his mother, but Oliver comforts him as best as he can, sitting on the bed with him while the nurse checks him over. Other than probably needing some food, water, and rest, he’s physically fine.

She asks for his name and age, and Oliver stares at her blankly. He’d not had a chance to ask Felicity about the boy, and she’d been too delirious to offer anything on her own. He turns to Jaredson, hoping he knows the answers. Graciously, the other man steps in.

“She called him Thomas. Thomas Robert, I believe. He was born in late August or early September of ’21. I don’t remember the exact date.”

Oliver can barely breathe.

“She named him after Tommy?”

Jaredson smiles at him. “She debated over it for days. Couldn’t decide if it should be Thomas Robert, or Robert Thomas, or Jonas Robert. Eventually, she decided on Thomas Robert because she’d known or met a Tommy or something.”

The nurse cuts in again. “September, you said? Do you have a date?”

“Might’ve been August. I don’t remember. It was about seven or eight months after she got there, maybe a little more.”

Lyla inhales sharply, standing by the door, and Oliver glances over to see her covering her mouth and blinking back tears. His own hands are shaking. If the boy, _Thomas_ , was born to Felicity less than eight months after she’d been abducted….

His head is spinning and he stares at the child.

“Felicity Smoak-Queen is the mother?” the nurse clarifies, and Jaredson answers affirmatively.

His next words make Oliver’s heart skip a beat, from both relief and awe.

“And Oliver Queen is his biological father.”

Oliver pulls Thomas closer instinctively, unable to speak. He and Felicity have a son. He’d hoped that if the boy really was Felicity’s, he was theirs and not someone else’s, but he’d not allowed him to think about what that could mean.

The nurse is asking Jaredson a few more questions about Thomas’s past medical history, but Oliver focuses only on comforting his son, breathing in his scent, and holding him close. Thomas has mostly stopped crying, snuggling into Oliver’s chest and clutching at his shirt, with an occasional sniffle or hiccup.

A thought strikes Oliver, and he turns to Lyla. “Will you call Thea and have her bring Meghan? They need to be here.”

Lyla looks at him for a moment and nods slowly. “If you think that’s best. It might be better to wait until Felicity wakes for Meghan to see her though.”

Oliver nods. “Of course. But they need to know.”

“Quentin did call Thea earlier, but I think she wanted you to talk to Meghan.”

Oliver smiles slightly. “Another reason for them to be here.”

Lyla nods her agreement, and steps out of the room to make the call. Jaredson turns to Oliver then, asking about the papers he’d grabbed from Thomas’s room.

“I gave them to John.”

“When he comes back, ask him where they are. I think they have some information we wrote down when he was born.”

Oliver agrees, and Jaredson leaves at the nurse’s request to get himself checked out too, promising to come back to see Felicity later.

The nurse steps out too to find some juice and a light meal for Thomas. He’s calmed down enough to eat, hungrily. As he’s finishing, Donna enters. She stops at the sight of the little boy in Oliver’s arms, clearly confused.

He beckons her over. Thomas shies away a little bit, still working on his juice box.

“Donna, this your grandson Thomas. He’s two and a half.”

“Grandson?” she gasps, sitting on the bed next to Oliver.

He nods. “He was born around August or September of ’21, we think.”

“Oh,” Donna breathes. “Oh my.”

Oliver rubs the boys back gently. It’s a lot to take in and a lot to think about, but Donna focuses on the most important thing, leaving the harder questions for later.

“Is he doing ok?”

“He got a checkup just now, and he’s in very good condition. A bit small for his age, but Meghan is too, and he seems to be ok. They want to give him some shots, but need Felicity to tell him what he’s had. Either way, they’ll keep him overnight for observation, and the nurse said he can stay in here with Felicity. He should be able to go home tomorrow sometime, if he wants to.”

As they talk, the door opens and Diggle steps in, holding out the things Oliver had grabbed from Felicity and Thomas’s room. “There might be some things in here that will help.”

“I was just about to ask you for that,” Oliver smiles, taking the booklet. He flips it open.

It’s mostly filled with code and other random information, most of which Oliver can’t decipher the meaning or purpose of. One page in particular stands out from the rest, as it was torn from another notebook, folded and stuffed inside as an afterthought.

Only a few lines are written on the page: _Born: August 27, 2021. 5lbs, 15oz. 18½ in. Aprox. 8:20 pm. Male. Healthy. Mother: Felicity Meghan Smoak-Queen. Father: Oliver Jonas Queen._

Two photographs are stuffed inside, one of Felicity and the baby, and one of just Thomas, presumably from the first few days of his life.

There’s no information about shots or immunization, so Oliver hopes Felicity knows what he was given, if anything.

Shortly after he finishes his food, Thomas begins to yawn, and Oliver helps him get settled on the bed. It’s been a long few days for such a small person, and he is probably due for another nap.

He’s just fallen asleep when Felicity is brought back into the room. She’s still unconscious from surgery, but a nurse tells Oliver and Donna that she should wake soon, though she might be disoriented when she does.

She has a wrist brace on, now, and a little color has returned to her cheeks. The nurse sets her IV back up, and makes sure all the other monitors are hooked up and working.

Oliver sits down between the two beds and rubs his thumb over the back of Felicity’s hand, willing her to open her eyes. He needs to see them, to know if they are still that bright blue that he loves so much. He can’t help but notice the dark bruises and cuts that mar her pale skin, and her wrists are badly cut up from being chained to the ceiling. Seeing her like that is an image he doesn’t think he’ll ever get out of his head, and he knows if he thinks about it too long he’ll feel sick. Instead, he focuses on the feeling of her soft skin against his, the rise and fall of her chest.

Finally, Felicity stirs slightly, groaning, her eyes fluttering as they fight to open. He leans forward and touches her face gently with his free hand.

“Shh, shh. Felicity. It’s ok. You’re ok now.”

“…hurts,” she mumbles.

“What hurts, honey?”

“mmm. E’rything. Head. Arm.” She takes a deeper breath and coughs slightly. “Side.”

“You’re at the hospital, babe. You’re going to be ok now. They’re taking good care of you.”

Her eyes open slowly. Smiling down at her, he feels the lump in his chest loosen a little. She is here. She is _safe_.

When her eyes fully focus on his, she starts to cry, her words a little slurred and mumbled. “You’re here. I didn’t dream it. You came for me.”

“No, Felicity. It wasn’t a dream. I’m really here.” He strokes her cheek with his thumb. Tears slip down into her hairline and she starts to sob, lifting her free hand to clutch at him with the little strength she has.

Leaning down, he presses his lips to her forehead, and she twists her hand into his shirt, trying to pull him closer. Sliding an arm behind her back, he pulls her up to his chest and she buries her face in his collarbone. She’s shaking and crying and he feels tears slide down his face into the hair on top of her head too, but he doesn’t care.

She’s _home._

They stay like that for a long time, the hand that is banded around her back stroking lazy circles into her (entirely too bony) spine. Eventually, her crying quiets a little, the fingers twisted in his shirt relaxing. With a sigh she pulls back, and he helps her lay against the pillows again.

She takes a breath as if to speak and starts to cough heavily, her free hand coming up to cover her mouth. The small act almost winds her, and she breathes heavily for a few moments after, closing her eyes. He keeps one hand tangled in hers, the other stroking her hair softly.

When she opens her eyes again, she seems a little more awake and award of her surroundings. She realizes they are not alone, looking past him to notice Donna.

“Mama?” Felicity smiles, reaching out a hand toward her mother.

“Hi, baby.” Donna leans forward and takes the proffered hand, smiling warmly, though tears glisten in her eyes. Leaning over the bed a little, she pulls Felicity into her arms and hugs her for a long moment. “I’m so glad you’re ok.”

“I should let the nurse know you are awake,” Oliver says, but makes no move to get up, not wanting to leave her.

“Where Thomas?” Felicity asks suddenly, trying to sit further. Her eyes dart around the room, landing on the bed where the boy lies curled beneath a blanket, fast asleep. She breathes relief when she sees him, tears slipping out of her eyes.

“He needs his shots. They need to give him his shots. He has to be healthy.”

Oliver nods. “They’ve checked him over and will give him some in just a little bit. He’ll be just fine. I promise.”

“He needs them. I want him to be healthy. I took care of him, Oliver.” Tears well up in her eyes. “I tried so hard to take care of him. They didn’t give us enough to eat, but they let us be together and I taught him what I could. I didn’t let us being gone slow him down any. I made sure he was never hungry. I had to protect him.” She is almost crying again, her breath hitching in her throat.

“Hey, it’s ok.” He takes her other hand in his. “He’s ok and now you will be too. You did fine. He will be all right.” He tries to keep his voice steady, realizing that Felicity has sacrificed her own health for her— _their—_ son. _“They didn’t give us enough to eat… I made sure he was never hungry.”_ He can’t think too hard about that.

“He has to be ok. He has to.” She starts to cry harder, her heart rate accelerating. Oliver presses the button for the nurse, who hurries in seconds later, calling the doctor. Oliver explains the situation and they set to work, calming Felicity down. Felicity attempts to tell the doctor what she told Oliver, but her words slur together.

“I understand, ma’am. We will get all of that in order as soon as possible. But I need to check you for head injuries, all right? We are taking good care of your son, don’t worry.”

Donna helps calm Felicity down, promising over and over to get everything taken care of. The doctor manages to get her focused on the rest of her physical examination, checking her pupil response and asking about her pain. She’s still a little loopy from the surgery medication, but she answers the best she can.

Just after the nurse leaves, Lyla steps back into the room, beckoning Oliver. “Thea and Meghan are here. Would you like me to have them sent in?”

Oliver shakes his head, standing. “I should talk to them first.”

Oliver gives Felicity a quick kiss on the head and tells her he’ll be right back, before slipping out of the room to see Thea and Meghan.

When he finds them in the waiting room, Meghan jumps up and runs straight too him.

“Daddy! You’re back!”

He picks her up, hugging her tightly. “I’m back, sweetheart. Sorry I had to be gone.”

“It’s ok.” She leans back in his arms a little so she can look at him. “Why are we at the hospital? Did somebody get hurt?”

Meghan’s no stranger to Oliver’s nighttime activities, and she’s no stranger to injury. She takes it in stride, though, like most things in life, and is still convinced that, for most things, cuddles and kisses will make it better.

Oliver carries her over to where Thea stands, anxious. He sets Meghan down briefly so he can hug his sister, then sits and pulls his daughter into his lap. Thea sits too, though she does it hesitantly.

“I have something very important to tell you, Meggie.”

She nods, excited.

“This trip I went on, it wasn’t a normal business trip.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No, honey. It was a special trip.”

“What kind of special trip?” Meghan looks intrigued. Oliver glances at Thea. She’s got a hand covering her mouth and tears glistening in her eyes. She and Felicity had gotten extremely close shortly before the engagement, and Thea missed her sister in law terribly.

“I went to go find someone very important and bring her home.”

“To find somebody?” Meghan’s lose crinkles that cute way it does when she is confused, much like Felicity’s, only this time it doesn’t make his heart hurt so much. “Who did you have to go find, Daddy?”

He takes a breath. “You remember how I told you when you were little, your mama left us, but she didn’t want to?”

Meghan clearly doesn’t see the connection, but she nods anyway. “Yeah.”

“And how some bad men took her but I was going to find her and bring her home someday?”

Another nod.

“I found her, Megs. I found your mama and I brought her home.” Tears well in his eyes, but he blinks them away, wanting to see his daughters reaction.

“You still didn’t explain the hospital, Daddy.”

Oliver laughs outright at Meghan’s matter-of-factness and nods, brushing back the hair that has fallen out of her braid with his hand.

“Your mama wasn’t in a nice place when I got to her, baby. She’s been hurt a little bit. She’s a little sick. The doctors are taking care of her, and she’ll get better soon, but she needed to come here before coming home.”

Meghan processes this. “Ok. Can we see her?”

“In just a minute. There’s more.” He glances at Thea in time to watch her expression change from expectant to worried. He smiles at her to ease her fear before turning back to his daughter. “It’s good, though. Meghan, your mother wasn’t alone when I found her. She has a little boy with her, your brother. He’s here too, and we can bring him home tomorrow.”

“A brother?” Meghan’s face lights up, eyes wide. She grins. Thea looks shocked and slightly horrified.

“Ollie, how…”

“He’s two years old. Two years and seven months.”

She does the math in her head, quickly, brow furrowing as she looks at him.

“I didn’t just bring my wife home today, but also my son.” He can’t keep the pride from his voice at the last bit, deciding to take it one step further. “My son, Thomas.”

Thea’s eyes widen. She stares at him, unable to speak. He grins, turning to his daughter.

“Meghan, you have a little brother. His name is Thomas Robert. He’s going to be a little scared, so you’ll have to be real nice to him, ok?”

Meghan nods, bouncing a little with excitement.

“Can we see them now? Please?”

Oliver doesn’t bother hiding his tears of joy, pulling Meghan close and kissing her head. “Yeah, we can go see them now.”

_____

Thomas wakes up just as Felicity’s examination is finishing. The doctor concludes that she probably doesn’t have a concussion, and if she does it’s very mild. Thomas watches the whole exchange with wide eyes, shrunk back against the pillow.

“You’ve got a very strong little boy there. I’d like to give him a few shots and keep him overnight for observation, but he’s doing very well for the situation you were in.” The doctor smiles at Thomas, but the boy doesn’t smile back. “I have a few other things to take a look at, but a nurse will be in shortly to discuss what to give him first.”

Felicity nods, swallowing hard. The doctor leaves, and Donna steps over to sit on the end of Thomas’s bed. He ducks further into himself, pulling the blanket up.

“It’s ok, buddy,” Felicity tells him. “This is Grandma Donna. You remember the stories I told you about Grandma?”

He nods slowly, his eyes flicking between Felicity and Donna. “Ok, Mama?” he asks.

For a moment, she thinks he’s asking if she’s ok, but his eyes are trained on Donna and it’s clear he’s asking about trusting Donna.

“Yes, baby. You don’t need the code if I’m here, remember?”

He nods, relaxing a little, but still sits so he’s not touching Donna.

“You’re a very brave boy,” Donna tells him with a soft smile. He doesn’t respond. Felicity feels tears beginning to sting the back of her eyes and she presses a hand to her mouth, over come with emotion. She must make a small noise, because Donna’s head whips toward her, concern in here eyes.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“He’s ok?” Felicity whispers. “He’s really ok?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Donna leans forward and places a comforting hand on Felicity’s knee. “Baby, he’s doing just fine. I promise.”

“Ok.” Felicity takes a shaky breath, trying to get her emotions under control. “Ok.”

Thomas looks worried, but she smiles at him, reaching out a hand. He’s too little to reach her from his bed, and with only a brief hesitation, turns to Donna.

“I wanna hug mama.” He states, holding his arms out to her. 

Felicity watches her mother melt at the request, stroking a hand over his soft hair before picking him up and bringing him to her.

“Be gentle, bud. She’s got a few owies.” Donna doesn’t quite let go of him, not wanting to let him down with Felicity’s incision, cracked ribs, and sprained wrist, but she lets him wrap his little arms around her neck. Felicity cradles his head with her good hand, closing her eyes briefly to breathe in his scent. It’s a little awkward, but they make it work.

After a moment, Thomas pulls back and tucks himself into Donna’s arms. He seems much more relaxed after the hug. Donna cuddles him close, kissing his head, and sits back down on the other bed with him in her lap. He leans back into her chest, drawing comfort from her that he can’t draw from Felicity right now.

Felicity’s exhausted. She’s been exhausted for months, but it’s all catching up to her now. She feels disoriented in time. The last thing she can clearly remember is being pulled from their room at the compound and being strung up for yet another beating. The pain in her side and head is still very clear, but the rest has faded into a hazy half-dream, half-memory: Oliver coming to get her, riding in the plane, waking in an ambulance and again just after surgery. It’s all mashed together and she has no idea how long it all took, hours or days or years. She’s still having trouble believing it isn’t a dream.

Donna is talking to Thomas, asking about his stuffed bear and wondering if he’d maybe like to color? At his nod, she pulls a book and crayons from her purse, helping him find the right picture and color of crayon to work with. She doesn’t put him down on the bed, but rather holds him in her lap, unwilling to let him go. Felicity understands the feeling. If she didn’t feel so poorly, she’d keep him on her lap as long as he’d let her.

The door snicks open quietly and Oliver steps inside, smiling.

“You feeling up to some visitors?”

“Am I allowed?” Felicity asks. He nods.

“The nurse said they can come in for a few minutes, then you both should get some rest. But I have a feeling you’ll want to see these visitors first. 

“Meghan?” she whispers, and his smile grows.

“Yeah, honey. Meghan and Thea are here.”

Felicity nods, swallowing around the emotions welling in her throat. Oliver opens the door again, motioning for his sister and daughter to come in.

With a little nudging from her Aunt, Meghan steps inside shyly. Oliver takes her hand and leads her toward Felicity, who is blinking back tears.

“Meghan,” she whispers. She can barely believe this girl is her baby daughter. Logically, she knows Meghan is six now, but Felicity only remember the tiny two year old she was taken from.

Oliver places a comforting hand on Felicity’s shoulder when they reach the side of her bed and smiles down at his little girl, pride filling his eyes. Meghan’s eyes are wide. She looks at her father, then back at Felicity. Felicity holds her breath.

“You’re my mama?” Meghan asks softly. 

Felicity nods, tears slipping out. When she speaks, her voice is thick with tears. “Yes, honey. I am.” Her lips tremble as she tries to smile.

“Your hair is different,” Meghan points out, gaining confidence. “It was light like Gramma’s in the pictures.”

“I used to dye it. I haven’t been able to for a long time.” Felicity tells her, and Meghan nods very seriously. “That’s ok. I like it both ways. Now it just looks kinda like mine.”

She seems to think of something then, and tugs on Oliver’s hand until he comes down to her level.

“Is it ok to hug her Daddy?” she tries to whisper, but everyone can hear it. Felicity’s heart breaks at the uncertainty in her daughter’s voice.

Oliver answers gently. “Of course, baby. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well,” Meghan fidgets nervously. “You said she was sick and we had to be careful and I don’t want to get sick…”

“It’s not the contagious kind of sick, baby. I mean, you can’t get sick from this because…”

“I know what contagious means, Daddy.” Her ‘smart-aleck’ tone draws a short laugh from Felicity. Tears are falling freely now. Meghan looks at her mother, hopefulness covering her face

“I’d love a hug, baby.” Felicity whispers, her voice shaking.

Oliver helps Meghan crawl up onto the chair next to Felicity’s bed so the little girl can lean over and hug her mother. It’s much too short a hug for Felicity’s taste, but there will be time for more later. When Meghan pulls back, Felicity looks up to see Thea by her feet, tears slipping down her cheeks.

“Thea.” Felicity whispers, reaching out a hand. Thea blinks rapidly, swiping at the tears, but it does no good. She steps around next to Meghan and leans over to hug Felicity as best she can.

“I’m so glad you’re home.”

Felicity clings to her sister-in-law for a long moment, choked with emotion. When Thea finally pulls back, they’re both still crying and smiling at the same time.

“He’s my brother,” Meghan states, pointing at Thomas. The little boy is curled up in Donna’s arm, unsure of all these new people.

“He is.” Oliver says, holding out his hand to help his daughter jump of the chair. Thea inhales, covering her mouth again with one hand, the other holding tightly to Felicity’s. Oliver leads Meghan around Felicity’s bed to meet Thomas. He kneels next to her in front of where Donna sits, reaching out to pat the little boy’s leg.

“Tommy, buddy, this is your big sister, Meghan.”

Felicity gasps when he uses the nickname. She’d never used it, not sure of if he’d want to, or if it would bring up too many bad memories. Oliver throws her a smile over his shoulder, but keeps most of his attention on his children.

“Hi, Tommy,” Meghan says. She’s beaming with pride and excitement, hopping from foot to foot. “I get to be your big sister and take care of you.”

Thomas looks between her and Oliver, not saying a word. Meghan looks to her dad for guidance.

“We’ll let you get some rest, buddy, and tomorrow you guys can play together.” To Meghan he explains, “Tommy’s had a pretty long day. We’re going to let him and your mama sleep for a little while now, ok?”

Meghan nods, and Oliver stands. Meg and Thea say goodbye to Tommy and Felicity. Oliver steps out of the room for just a moment, and it’s just the two of them and Donna again. Felicity yawns, suddenly exhausted. The medicine she’s on is making her drowsy, but she doesn’t want to fall asleep just yet, afraid that all of this will vanish.

A nurse returns with Oliver. They let Tommy sit on the good side of Felicity’s lap while they give him a few shots, and he cries a little, but after that, Oliver tucks him into the other bed for the night. Donna heads home to rest, and Oliver pulls up a chair between the two beds.

Felicity’s eyes are drooping. He leans over, kissing her forehead and whispers, “sleep, my love.”

Despite herself, she does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay in getting this updated! I'm in my last semester of college, and I've been really busy. 
> 
> I hope all the medical stuff is at least believable, if not 100% correct, but I did a little research and hope it's all ok. 
> 
> Chapter title from Noah Gundersen's "Poor Man's Son"


	7. right in the moment (this order's tall)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy comes home, Felicity does not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long to get up! In hindsight, I should not have started posting this story my last semester of college... ah well. I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter, but I think most of that has to do with the fact that it's just one of those chapters that has to happen to move the story forward. 
> 
> Once again, I'm not super solid on all the medical stuff, but I tried my best to do some basic research. Let me know if there's something that glaringly off and I'll fix it. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Chapter title from Skinny Love (Bon Iver)

When Felicity and Tommy are both finally asleep, Oliver slips out of the room to find the rest of his family. He doesn’t want to leave her, but there are some things they need to talk about.

John paces the hallway with Quentin and Donna in the chairs nearby. One of the ARGUS agents, Judd, stands chatting with another agent and Jardeson.

John takes one look at him and tells him to go home and get some rest.

Oliver shakes his head. “I can’t leave her yet. I… I need to know she’s safe.” The last bit comes out a whisper. Oliver’s shoulders sag forward and he takes a shaky breath, the stress of the past few days hitting him in waves.

“She is safe. And I’ll stay here if you want me to, man.”

Oliver shakes his head even as John is still speaking. “I don’t want to inconvenience you. I should be here if you are going to be. You have a family too.”

Lance stands as Judd and the other agent make their way over.

“We’ll take shifts,” Judd offers. The other agent nods.

“Yes,” Lance agrees. “Mr. Diggle here will stay a few hours, then go home to his family. I’ll take Donna home, and come back to relieve him later. We’ll watch over them through the night, Oliver.”

Oliver’s shaking his head. “I can’t leave her. I can’t let her wake up alone.”

Donna has joined them now. She places a hand on Oliver’s arm, smiling softly at him. She looks nearly as tired as he feels. “I don’t want to either, Oliver, but Quentin made a good point. We need to rest now so we can help her better in tomorrow.”

John chimes in: “The nurse she’ll likely sleep until morning, both from the surgery drugs and because of her general exhaustion. If she does, she may or may not remember much, and a nurse will be in often to check on her. If she does wake and need you before morning, we’ll let you know. She won’t be alone, ever.”

Donna rubs his arm, and he sags, running a hand over the back of his neck and scalp. Glancing at the clock, he realizes it’s nearly midnight. “Ok.” He looks up to meet each of them in the eye. “Call me the moment she wakes up. I’ll be back by 6 if I haven’t heard from you.”

Quentin and Donna take him home, and he collapses into bed. He’s so wired that it’s a miracle he sleeps at all, but his body must be more tired than his brain, and he gets a few hours. He wakes about four, but forces himself to rest for a while longer before getting up.

Thea is resting on the couch when he rises. She promises to call Meghan in at school for the day, and that she and Roy will bring Meghan to the hospital after breakfast.

Quentin is waiting at the hospital when Oliver arrives, but leaves shortly after, having promised Donna to come get her as soon he got there. Judd stands guard at the door to her room, just an extra measure of security.

The nurse clears Oliver to go inside. Felicity and Tommy are both still sleeping, though Felicity woke about two hours ago, and was given some more medication for her pain. Sometime in the night, Tommy was moved to Felicity’s bed, and is curled into her good side, her arm wrapped snuggly around him.

“Tommy is doing quite well, your pediatrician just needs to give him a checkup to make sure everything is in order when he wakes, and we’ll let you take him home today. I’ll get you a schedule of when to bring him in to get all his shots in the coming months.”

“What about Felicity?”

“She’s still recovering and in a lot of pain. The doctors want to keep her here for a few days just to monitor her, especially after the surgery. She still has a fever, and because of the dehydration and malnutrition and blood loss, it’s better for us to keep an eye on her for a little while yet.”

Oliver sits, pulling the chair close to the bed. Her chest rises and falls steadily in sleep. He leans forward to press a gentle kiss to the side of her forehead, careful to avoid any of the bruises or cuts on her face. He brushes a hand over the back of Tommy’s head.

The nurse checks a few things, then promises that a doctor will be in after a while for a quick check up before breakfast.

Tommy wakes up first, bleary eyed and yawning. If he’s surprised to see Oliver, he doesn’t show it, sitting up to stretch a little. Felicity stirs, but doesn’t quite wake.

Tommy turns in her arm and pats her on the shoulder gently. “Mama, wake up time,” he whispers. After a moment, Felicity opens her eyes. She smiles tiredly at him, rubbing his back gently, but doesn’t say anything.

Pointing to Oliver, Tommy stage-whispers: “he’s here, Mama.”

She nods, turning her head toward Oliver, who smiles at the boy. “Yeah. Daddy’s here.”

“Hey, honey,” Oliver says gently, leaning forward.

“Hey.” Her voice is soft and croaky. He brushes his fingers over her forehead, sweeping a few strands of hair behind her ear.

“How do you feel this morning?”

“Ok.”

Oliver waits, but she doesn’t elaborate. He wishes she would launch into a ramble like she used to, but she seems too tired at the moment. His eyes move to the little boy who watches his every move and he smiles. “Morning, buddy. Did you sleep ok?”

Tommy nods shyly. Felicity coughs, bringing her other hand up to cover her mouth, and both of their attention shifts to her. It’s a terrible cough, wet but too shallow, and Oliver wants to ask her about it, but their pediatrician chooses that moment to enter.

“Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Queen,” she says brightly, smiling. She’s been their family pediatrician since Meghan was born, and Oliver is sure she’s glad Felicity is home safe. “I’d like to take one quick look at little Thomas here, and then hopefully I can clear him to go whenever you are ready.”

At Felicity’s encouragement, the boy moves to the end of the bed and allows the woman to do her work. The checkup is over rather quickly, to Tommy’s apparent relief. He moves back up to his mother’s side while the doctor speaks.

“He still needs a lot of rest, at least while he gets used to everything, and adjusting to the food might be a little difficult at first, from the diet you’ve told me you had. Other than that, he’s good to go. I’d like to see him back here in a week to make sure he’s staying healthy and gets his next vaccines.”

“Thank you.” Oliver speaks for both of them. Worry lines cover Felicity’s face, and she looks absolutely exhausted. Oliver reaches out to rub her shoulder gently, and she smiles softly at him before turning to the doctor.

“He’s doing ok, though? Really ok?”

“He’s perfectly healthy, and he’ll adjust just fine. Kids are resilient, and there’s absolutely nothing to worry about with him. All his results are within normal range for his age, and other than needing some vaccination, no different than any other child.”

She closes her eyes as she breathes a shaky sigh of relief. Oliver thinks she’s trying not to cry.

The doctor shakes Oliver’s hand before leaving, and smiles kindly at Felicity.

“It’s good to have the both of you home, Mrs. Queen.”

“Thank you,” Felicity whispers.

Thea and Roy arrive, then, with Meghan bouncing along, excited to see her mother and brother again. Roy doesn’t even bother trying to hide the tear that slips free as he hugs Felicity gently.

As he turns to meet Thomas, another coughing fit hits Felicity, but she waves away Oliver’s concerned look. She’s more perked up than before, but he thinks it’s just an act for their visitors, Meghan especially.

“I brought you something, Tommy.” Thea holds it out and he takes it after only a brief hesitation. It’s a toddler cop car toy. Meghan jumps in to show him how it works.

“It’s ‘cause Grandpa’s a policeman, see? He drives a car like this. It used to be my toy, but you can have it now.”

“Tommy gets to come home with us today,” Oliver says, then, realizing they haven’t discussed it at all, looks at Felicity. “If we want him to.”

She nods. “He should. The hospital’s not good for kids.”

“Mama too?” asks Meghan, excited, but Oliver shakes his head.

“Mama needs to stay a few more days so they can make sure she’s extra healthy.”

“Oh.” The disappointment is short-lived though, and Meghan turns to her Aunt. “Can we go get hot chocolate from downstairs again?”

Thea looks at Oliver, who nods.

“Tommy too?” asks Meghan, drawing her brother’s attention away from the car and Uncle Roy, who’s now acting as a racetrack. Felicity nods at the question in Thea’s eyes.

“Sure.” Thea holds out a hand to Meghan, who takes it instantly, and to Tommy, who takes it at the prompting nod of his mother, still clutching the car in the other hand. Roy smiles at Tommy and stands to go with them.

“Just a little for Thomas. He’s not used to sweet foods,” Felicity cautions. They leave, Meghan and Thea chattering all the way down the hall.

Oliver turns to his wife. As soon as the others are gone, all pretence drops. She sags back into the pillows. A coughing fit hits her, and when it passes she lies there with her eyes closed, breathing heavily for a minute.

“Felicity?” he takes her hand back in his own, waiting for her to stop drawing in breaths like she just sprinted across the city. When she opens her eyes, they glisten with unshed tears; but these tears are not out of happiness at being reunited with loved ones.

“Oliver, I’m so tired.”

He strokes her hair. “I know, baby.”

“I don’t know how to be back here. I’m afraid. Afraid I don’t know how to live anymore. Only survive. Afraid I won’t be a good mother to Meghan, or even Thomas. I’m so scared, Oliver, scared and tired, and…” she breaks off into sobs. Reaching for her, he wraps his arms around her and rocks her gently, and murmuring into her hair.

“Shh, shh Felicity. Baby. It’s ok. It’s going to be all right. We will get through this. You’re ok now. You’re safe. You’re home.”

He rocks her until she starts coughing and can’t stop. Panic rises in her eyes as she gasps for air. “Breathe, Felicity, come on, breathe for me, honey.”

He rings for the nurse, scared at the look in her eyes. She can’t draw a breath. Nurses and doctors rush in and shuffle him out of the way to examine her.

“Bring me the massager. We need to break this mucus up.”

Her heart rate spikes. Someone leans Felicity forward and claps gently on her back, but she continues to cough until they bring in a machine with a round flat attachment that vibrates against her back. Felicity wheezes and chokes, finally expelling the mucus from her lungs into the tissue that a nurse holds out, waiting for it.

The heart rate monitor slowly begins to fall back to normal as she breathes a little easier, at least for the time. A nurse gently rubs her back for a moment longer, but once they’re satisfied the danger has passed, she’s allowed to lie back and close her eyes. She presses a hand to her wounded side, wincing slightly.

The doctor turns to Oliver, and smiles in an attempt to ease the worry written all over his face. “She’ll be fine. The acute bronchitis may be a touch worse than we thought, but she’s getting medicine to treat it, and the oxygen will help. Someone will be with her at all times, though perhaps we will have to keep her a few days longer than originally expected. Her fever has risen a bit, nothing too alarming, but I’d like to get something in her that help her to sleep and heal.”

Oliver nods, placing a hand on the blankets that cover Felicity’s thigh. Her eyes flick open and she smiles the tiniest bit.

“You need to rest, honey. I’ll come back tonight.”

She nods tiredly. He thanks the doctor and hurries to find Thea, Roy, and the kids.

Felicity is awake enough to say goodbye to them, and Oliver grasps his frightened son’s hand gently as they walk away, assuring the boy that they will be back to see her tomorrow. It pains him to walk away, but Diggle is back to stand guard again, and Oliver needs to be with his daughter and son.

_____

_August 27, 2021_

_She screams in pain._

_The room is small and dark and dirty, a cot in one corner that they’ve laid out a clean sheet on. The hands that touch her next are gentle, but Felicity doesn’t care._

_This isn’t how it’s supposed to be._ None _of this is how it’s supposed to be._

_The pain hits again and she can’t keep the cries from passing her lips._

_“Felicity, I need you to breathe. Come on, breathe with me.” The words are familiar, but the voice and face are not. It only makes her cry harder; gripping the bed sheets so tightly she’ll probably tear them._

_Not that she cares, because oh the pain, the PAIN._

_“Felicity,” Dr. Jaredson says again, “Felicity, I need you to push.”_

_She shakes her head, tears streaming down her face. “I can’t do this.” Not here. Not now. Not without Oliver._

_With Meghan at least she’d had medicine. And a clean, sterile hospital. Sure, there was pain still, but she’d gone into it knowing there were several people making sure everything happened smoothly, all complications (if any) would be taken care of immediately and properly, and when she went home, there was a plan in place._

_There is no plan in place here._

_“You can do this, Felicity.”_

_It is agony. It is terrifying. Felicity’s sobbing when the baby finally slips free, and not just because of the pain._

_How the_ frack _is she going to take care of a baby here?_

_“Congratulations, Felicity. You have a son.” Dr. Jaredson has cut the cord and cleaned the baby up with a cloth from the (probably now lukewarm) water he’d set up. Her son’s wrapped in a soft little blanket, and Dr. Jaredson places the bundle in Felicity’s arms._

_The little boy is crying, soft whimpering cries. He’s so much smaller than she remembers Meghan being, and she looks up at the Doctor with worry in her eyes. They didn’t know exactly when he would be born, but this seems like it was too soon._

_Dr. Jaredson moves about with the instruments their captors had given him. He measures and weighs the baby, checks his breathing, and finally smiles at Felicity._

_“Based on weight, he was probably born a bit early, but there don’t seem to be any concerns, medically. He’s breathing just fine. In fact, it probably made it easier on you, that he’s so small.”_

_Felicity nods, turning her attention back to her son. Her_ son. _She has a son. She and Oliver have a son._

_Oliver has a son. And he doesn’t know it. He might never know it._

_Trembling, Felicity starts to cry again. She feels so cold and alone. The baby starts to cry, and she realizes he probably needs to eat. It’s relieving when he starts to suckle almost immediately, but Felicity can’t stop crying._

_She has no tools for this._

_“I’ll let you rest,” Dr. Jaredson murmurs, patting her arm gently. He offers her a small smile that she can’t return, and is escorted away by one of the guards._

_Felicity is very, very alone._

_She cries herself to sleep after putting the baby in the little basket they’d provided for her. She wakes when he wakes, cares for him as best she can, and tries to be happy that he’s here and he’s healthy._

_Dr. Jaredson returns in the morning to check on them both, and hand her a page with the birth information written on it. He’s marked a space for names of the parents and names of the baby. Felicity writes down her and Oliver’s names, but pauses when it comes to her son’s name._

_She knows it’s not necessarily permanent, but she wants it to be right. She wants it to be something Oliver would want. Still, she needs something to call her son._

_They hadn’t really talked about names until they knew Meghan was going to be a girl. Oliver confessed that he’d always loved Felicity’s middle name, and they pretty much went from there._

_Looking down at her tiny son with his shockingly dark hair and baby-blue eyes, it comes to her without hesitation._ Thomas Robert.

_____

_April 14, 2024_

Donna joins them for lunch. Meghan begs for Big Belly Burger, but Oliver is worried that the greasy food won’t sit well with Tommy, so they go to a sub shop instead. He lets the little boy pick out a package of chips, though, to go with his sandwich and milk.

Thea suggests the park next, since it’s a nice day outside, and Meghan has a lot of energy to burn off. Tommy is mostly content to let Oliver carry him and to wonder about his mama, but he does enjoy the swings for a little while.

“Pump your legs, like this!” Meghan tells him, but he’s too little to really get it. He looks around for Felicity again, but finds something else interesting.

“Ducks!” there’s surprise written all over his little face, and he tugs Oliver’s hand. The ducks don’t let them get close, but Oliver pulls out some cut up grapes they’d brought for a snack and lets Tommy throw some for the birds. He’s pure joy, watching real live ducks investigate the treat, and Oliver’s heart melts at the sound of his son’s giggles. 

When Tommy starts to yawn, they head back home. Roy and Thea have pulled some stuff from the basement storage, including Meghan’s old toddler bed and car seat. The bed is set up in Meghan’s room, since Tommy’s probably not used to sleeping alone. He takes a three-hour nap, tuckered out from their busy day.

Oliver visits Felicity while Tommy naps, but she’s still asleep too. The doctors tell him that her fever isn’t getting better yet, but she just needs more rest. Donna stays with her, and Digg and Lyla have a rotating security team around the clock.

For dinner, Oliver makes spaghetti and grilled veggies. Meghan helps him while Thea plays with Tommy.

“Can we watch a movie tonight, Daddy?”

Stirring the pasta, Oliver glances toward his eager daughter. “I think it’s been a busy enough day, sweetie. Maybe tomorrow.”

She sighs, but nods. Roy comes in and helps her set the table.

Despite his long nap, Tommy is yawning again by the time supper is over. Oliver decides the boy probably needs a bath before bed though, and leads him to the bathroom. Tommy is startled when he starts to fill the tub.

“Why?” he asks, pointing. “I don’t like a shower. Too slippy.”

Oliver looks at him quizzically. “How do you usually get clean, Tommy?”

The boy takes a washcloth and holds it up, pointing at the faucet. Oliver’s heart sinks. From Tommy’s earlier comment, he deducts they’d had a shower at the compound, but no tub. Has his son never had a bath before?

“Well, this is a little different, buddy. I’m going to fill up the tub and you’ll take a bath, ok?”

Tommy looks unsure, but nods. Oliver helps him undress while the tub fills, and gets some of Meghan’s bath toys. He shows Tommy that using the washcloth and soap is mostly the same, but it’s easier to make sure everything is really clean.

Tommy loves the water. He splashes in it a little, wiggling his toes and giggling at the sensation. Oliver helps him wash his short hair, and lets him play with the little boat and rubber ducks for a little bit.

When the water starts to get cool, Oliver helps Tommy out of the bathtub and wraps him in a fluffy towel. Tommy snuggles into the softness, yawning. Oliver helps him brush his teeth and get dressed in the new safari animal pajamas Thea bough him, then carries him around the upstairs, showing him all the rooms.

“This is Daddy’s room, where I’m going to sleep. If you need me, I’ll be in here, ok? Meghan is going to be in that bed, and this one is yours. You know where the bathroom is if you have to use the potty. If you need help, come get Daddy. Aunt Thea and Uncle Roy are going to stay in that room down the hall, but you can come get me first if you need anything.”

Oliver tucks Tommy into his bed, snuggled with his blanket and reads him a story from Meghan’s bookshelf. The boy falls asleep quickly, and Oliver goes to make sure Meghan is getting ready for bed too.

Though he wants to go see Felicity again, Oliver forces himself to be satisfied with calling Donna for an update. There’s not much change at the moment, and Oliver needs to be around for Tommy, just in case.

In the middle of the night, Oliver is woken by a small whimpering beside his bed. He turns to find Tommy, sniffling, blanket in hand.

“I sleep with you, Daddy?” he asks in a small voice. Oliver’s heart melts at his son’s tears. Unable to resist, he lifts the boy up beside him. It’s the first time Tommy has called him “daddy”, and though he knows Tommy needs to get used to sleeping in his own bed, he also wants the little boy to feel safe.

Tommy sleeps soundly the rest of the night, curled up on the pillow beside Oliver.

_____

When Thea wakes the next morning, she can hear Oliver in the kitchen downstairs. Detangling herself from the guest-bed sheets, she smiles at Roy’s sleeping form, pulls on a robe, and heads down to meet her brother.

He’s making pancakes. When he sees her he smiles, and pours her a cup of coffee. She accepts it with a smile of her own, sitting on one of the bar stools.

“How are you this morning?” she asks, noticing the tension in his shoulders, the way the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes yet.

He turns to the stove, flipping a batch of pancakes. “I’m just ready to bring her home. _Really_ home.”

Thea nods, even though he’s not looking at her. “I know, Ollie. Me too.”

Oliver sighs, passing her a plate and the stack of pancakes. “I want to take the kids to see her, but when I talked to Lyla this morning, she says she’s still sleeping. The fever’s getting worse, not better.”

“They’ll take care of her. She’ll be ok. She just needs a little time.”

He takes a breath. “I know, but…” closing his eyes, he shakes away whatever he was about to say. Thea reaches for his hand.

“Ollie?”

His eyes are wet with tears when he looks at her again. “They had her chained up, Thea. For hours. Tommy had been alone for hours. They chained her up and beat her up and _left_ her there. I…” he breaks off, his voice cracking and looks away. “I can never un-see that, Thea. If we hadn’t gotten there when we did…”

“Hey.” She waits until he’s looking at her again. “You did. You got there in time, and she’s going to be ok. She will. She’ll heal.”

Oliver nods, swallowing hard. Thea squeezes his hand and watches as he takes a moment to compose himself. “I should go get the kids up for breakfast.”

Thea smiles. “Meghan will be thrilled. I’ll get the toppings.”

He’s nodding, headed for the stairs. “Berries and whipped cream are in the fridge.”

Meghan _is_ thrilled by the pancakes, and equally by the prospect of not having to go to school. She loves school, genius nerd child-that she is (Roy’s words), but getting to spend time with her brother and see her mom are much more exciting things.

Felicity is awake when they visit, but she can’t stop coughing and her fever is very high. The doctors don’t want the kids in there long, and are considering moving her to higher care if things don’t improve. Oliver stays while Thea, Roy and Donna take the kids shopping for some clothes and toys for Tommy. He joins them before long, though, as there’s not much he can do at the hospital.

They’re at the zoo, and Meghan’s reading a sign about the penguins to Tommy when Oliver receives a call. He steps away to talk, and when he comes back, Thea knows the news isn’t good.

“She’s been moved to the ICU. They’ve diagnosed her with pneumonia, and it’s getting worse. On top of all the other things, they want to keep a better eye on her.”

“That’s good, Ollie. She’s getting the help she needs.”

He’s practically crying, but here in public, with stroller pushing mothers trying to be sneaky about their picture taking. Thea pulls him to a more secluded corner to keep the conversation private.

“What if they can’t help her, Thea? What if she doesn’t get better?” He’s shaking from stress and heartache. Thea rubs a hand over his arm.

“She will, Ollie. The doctors know what they are doing.”

“I need to be with her.”

Thea glances at the kids. Roy and Donna are with them. Tommy is chattering excitedly to his uncle, pointing at the penguins. Meghan tells him something, and he responds. Donna laughs.

“Ok. We’ll take care of the kids.”

Oliver swallows hard. Thea sees the war in his eyes. He wants to be there for his children, to help Tommy learn to trust and love, to be present with Meghan since she’s not at school, but without Felicity he’s torn apart. He’s been torn apart for three years, and this is the closest Thea’s seen him to healing. Now, with Felicity’s condition getting worse, he’s about to break again.

“Go, Ollie. They’ll be fine.”

Oliver gives each of his children a hug and kiss, promising to see them later that night. Neither is too fazed by his going, which Thea hopes is a good sign. She hugs her brother goodbye, promising him one more time that Felicity will be all right.

_____

 

_November 16, 2023_

_“Daddy?”_

_The little voice startles him. Oliver glances up to see Meghan standing at the bottom of the stairs, her blanket gathered around her._

_“Hey, Megs. What are you still doing awake?”_

_“I can’t sleep.”_

_He holds out his arms and she comes to him, climbing up onto the couch and snuggling into his lap._

_“Well, you do have a pretty big day tomorrow. It’s not every day you turn five.”_

_Shaking her head, she burrows her face into his chest. “’s not ‘bout that.”_

_“Are you scared of something, Bug? Did you have a bad dream?”_

_“No.”_

_He waits for her to elaborate. Meghan usually is very talkative, no matter the topic. When she doesn’t go on, Oliver looks down at her, rubbing her back gently._

_“Hey, Megsie. You can tell me anything. Daddy will always listen to you.”_

_“Even if it’s silly?”_

_“Even if it’s silly.”_

_She takes a deep breath. “I don’t want my party tomorrow.”_

_Oliver is taken aback. He leans away a little bit so he can look at her better. “All right, honey. Why not?”_

_“Because I don’t want any presents.”_

_Oliver runs his fingers through her hair as Meghan clutches the edges of her blanket. “Ok, baby. Why do you say that?”_

_“None of them are going to be what I really want.” Meghan sniffles. Oliver knows he can’t give the surprise away, but he bought something very specific for Meghan, something that he knows she’s asked for. Instead of admitting it, he gathers Meghan closer, recognizing his daughters fear of saying what she’s really thinking._

_“What_ do _you really want, Meghan?” he asks gently when she doesn’t say anything for a long time._

_She sniffles again, a little hand wiggling up from inside her blanket to rub at her nose. Her reply, when it comes, is so quiet that Oliver has to strain to hear it._

_“I want mama to be here.”_

_Emotions crash over him, and Oliver can’t respond for a moment. Eventually he manages to whisper against her hair: “Me too, baby. Me too.”_

_______

_April 15, 2024_

Oliver’s not allowed to go into see Felicity right away. They’re doing some tests, checking the incision from her surgery and her ribs. She’s been coughing so much because of the pneumonia that the doctors want to make sure everything is still in order to heal properly.

When the doctor finally comes out to talk to him, he feels like he’s going to be sick too.

“We changed the medication, and hope that it will work better than the other that she was on. Her case of pneumonia isn’t that bad, considering, but we’d just like to keep a better eye on her, mostly because of all the other things she’s trying to heal from at the moment.”

“Can I see her?” he can’t keep the tension from his voice.

The doctor nods. “We’re going to allow you to stay with her. We know this has been a difficult ordeal for your whole family.”

He follows the doctor into the room. If possible, Felicity’s hooked up to even more monitors than before. Oliver sits in the chair next to her, tears filling his eyes as he gently lifts her limp hand in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. His darling, sweet Felicity is in so much pain, and he can’t do a single thing about it.

It is an agonizingly long night. Doctors and nurses bustle in and out, doing all they can for Felicity, who slips in and out of consciousness. She’s feverous and delirious, moaning and thrashing when awake, twitching occasionally when asleep.

Oliver sits by her, and begs her to fight though she doesn’t hear him.

The whole next day is similar, and Oliver doesn’t leave her side. Thea calls and tells him she’s gotten Meghan to school all right and she and Donna are taking Thomas back to the zoo. Diggle and Roy bring him food, which he eats little of.

He falls asleep a little in the afternoon, dozing, and wakes when the nurse came in to check her vitals.

“She’s still fighting it well, but the fever is high and if she doesn’t improve soon, we’ll need to try something else.”

It is a long two days. Oliver barely sleeps.

Her fever gets higher and he prays to every god he knows, sobbing on his knees by her bed, begging her to not give up.

“I can’t lose you again,” he whispered into her fingers as he holds them against his lips.

He is aware of Doctors and Nurses in and out of the room, he is aware of Digg pulling him away to kiss his children goodnight, to eat something, he is aware of Donna sitting with him for hours in the afternoon while Lyla takes the kids to the park. But his mind can’t focus on these other things; it can only focus on Felicity.

Sometime early in the third morning, long before the sun comes up, a light sheen of sweat appears across her brow. She breathes easier after that, though the oxygen tube remains below her nose. She stops thrashing, stops groaning and twitching and lies peacefully.

The fever has broken, finally, and her pale, ashen face regains a tinge of color. Oliver dozes in and out of sleep after the doctor smiles at her turn for the better, holding to her sweaty (but no longer clammy) hand like a life raft.

Light begins to peek through the cracks of the blinds when Felicity’s fingers twitch in Oliver’s. He is alert instantly, watching her wake slowly. The fine hairs around her face are still damp with sweat, but her cheeks are pinkish and when she blinks open her eyes, they are bright and blue and no longer glassy.

He smiles at her, tears filling his eyes.

“Hey, baby.”

She blinks a few times. “What’s wrong?” her voice is rough from lack of use and he can’t answer right away, pressing his lips to her fingers again.

“I almost lost you again, Felicity. I just barely got you back and I almost lost you.”

Her fingers move so she can run them over his stubble. “What do you mean?”

“You were sick, Felicity, so very sick. Delirious. Your fever was so high, it was touch and go for a while. But you’re ok now. You’re ok, and you’re going to get better, and we are going to go home.”

She smiles at him, weakly, and he cries with joy.


	8. it's a hungry world out there

“Ms. Queen! Ms. Queen! A statement?” 

The press is ready to bombard her as soon as she steps out of the office. Thea steels herself, taking a deep breath. She doesn’t really want anyone involved in this yet, but it’s better if it comes from her than somewhere else, even if they are getting her name wrong still. It’s _Queen-Harper_ now, and they know it.

“Is it true Felicity was vacationing with a lover for the past three years?”

“Is Oliver planning on keeping her illegitimate son?”

“Where is the man she cheated with?”

Unable to let it go, Thea steps up to one of the microphones, waving off her bodyguard.

“My sister-in-law has been through a very traumatic event. She was kidnapped held captive for three years. My nephew is my brother’s biological son. We would appreciate the full respect of the press as their family integrates back into normal life. Thank you.”

She turns and walks away, flanked by security. The reporters press her and shout questions until she’s inside the car and driving away.

Thea sighs. The Queen’s have always been high-profile, and she shouldn’t have expected this to be any different. The questions they’re asking about Felicity’s integrity hurt, though.

The driver takes her to the hospital, but luckily no press are swarming the entrance yet. Thea’s so glad that the biggest danger of Felicity’s physical health is finally over, but she knows they have a ways to go.

She checks her watch. Donna should be here soon too, and they’re going to hopefully convince Oliver to go home and get some rest. He’s been up for nearly three days straight as Felicity fought the pneumonia, and Thea doesn’t agree that catnaps count as sleep. Plus, the kids are worried and need to see him too.

Donna’s waiting outside Felicity’s door when Thea gets there, dressed in yoga clothes and with an overnight bag. They’d agreed that it would be best for Donna to stay so Thea could continue to focus on keeping things together at the company. Oliver might actually agree to leaving if Felicity’s mother is there, too.

“Ready?” Donna asks, sending Thea a smile. Oliver is stubborn as hell sometimes, but Thea’s almost sure this can work. She just hopes Felicity is awake to help convince them.

She nods, and Donna opens the door slowly, knocking gently.

Felicity’s propped up in the bed. Her eyes are closed, but Oliver’s reading to her, so Thea’s sure she’s awake. He stops reading as they enter, and Felicity opens her eyes, smiling slightly.

“Hey, baby, how are you feeling?” Donna asks, depositing her bag on a chair and crossing the room to take Felicity’s hand.

“I’m ok.” Felicity says softly.

Oliver’s looking quizzically at the two of them. He’s closed the book, but still has a finger in it to mark the place. Donna holds out her hand.

“I can take it from here, Oliver. I may not have your gorgeous voice, but I do know how to read. 

He frowns slightly, turning to Thea. “What’s going on, Speedy?”

She takes his jacket from the edge of the couch and holds it out to him.

“You’re going home and sleeping. Donna’s going to stay here so you can see the kids and get some actual rest.”

“No,” he says instantly, at the same times as Felicity chimes in with: “I think that’s a good idea.”

His head spins toward Felicity and Thea smiles internally. She knew Felicity would be on their side.

Oliver’s saying Felicity’s name in that adorable, confused way of his, and she responds with a furrow in her own brow. 

“You’re going to get sick too, if you don’t take a break, Oliver. And Meghan and Tommy need you too. I’ll be ok here by myself for a while.”

Donna cuts in, rubbing Felicity’s shoulder. “You won’t be alone, baby. I’m staying.” She turns to Oliver, giving him a stern, motherly look. “You need rest, Oliver, and Felicity will be fine without you.”

Oliver looks at Felicity, and they seem to have a conversation with their eyes. Finally, his shoulders sag and he sighs in agreement. “Fine. For the kids. But I’m bringing them by tomorrow.”

Felicity nods. “I want to see them anyway. But you need rest too, Oliver. Promise me.”

He nods, kissing her on the brow and whispering something to her softly. She smiles, gently touching his face. He gives her hand one last squeeze and hands the book to Donna.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

Donna takes his vacated seat, waving him away. “We’ll be fine. Go.”

Thea smiles at Felicity, mouthing a “thank you.” Felicity nods, leaning back into her pillows. Donna opens the book, asking her daughter where Oliver left off, and begins to read.

Thea leads Oliver out. He’s very tired, that’s clear, and she knows this is a good decision. They stop to chat with the security team for a moment, and then they’re on their way.

_____

 

_She sits between two burly men, both armed with huge guns, and glares down the man in front of her. He pulls out a file and begins to rifle through it._

_“You know what we want you to do.”_

_“I won’t do it.”_

_“Then your son will suffer.”_

_Felicity steels herself, lifting her chin. “If you hurt him, I will never do anything for you again.”_

_The man laughs shortly. He deposits the file on the desk and comes around to stand in front of her._

_“You have no leverage here. You know that. We can kill him, and your daughter, and your mother, and your husband. We can take everything from you. We can make you watch.”_

_He bends down so he’s looking her in the eye. “But we don’t have to. All you have to do is this one small job for us.”_

_“If you kill them, I will kill myself. Then where will you be?”_

_“Oh, we won’t kill them right away. We’ll torture them. Your son will suffer, unless you do as we ask.”_

_“He’s a child!” she jerks at the bindings keeping her in the chair. “He’s a baby!”_

_“And he can suffer. This is for the greater good. Now, do as you’re told.”_

_He turns her chair so she’s at the desk and frees her arms so that she can reach the computer._

_Crying, she lifts her hands to the keyboard._

_As she begins to type, the world shifts a little._

_She’s still typing, but it’s in a dark room. The code lines the walls, and men and women examine her work, trying to find flaws._

_Her hands are moving, but she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She can’t remember the assignment. She wants to get out, to go home._

_“You’re doing it wrong!” he yells at her, slapping her across the face. “No more mistakes, or your son is dead!”_

_He has Tommy, suddenly. The boy is crying but she can’t get to him, she can’t see his face. The man holds a gun, waving at her. “Do it!”_

_Her fingers are flying, but she can’t get the code to work right. Everything’s falling apart. The system brings up error code after error code, even though she knows she’s doing what she needs to._

_“You’re trying to get out. You’re trying to send them a signal. You’re trying to defy me. Well, no one defies me!”_

_She looks up, Tommy’s frightened eyes the only thing she sees._

_The world goes black as a shot rings out._

_____

 

 _April 19, 2024_  

It’s almost morning when Donna wakes to Felicity crying out in her sleep. She tosses and turns,

“Tommy!”

 Felicity’s eyes are wide, darting around the room but not really seeing anything. Donna comes to her, reaching for her restless hands. 

“Felicity, baby. It’s ok, sweetheart, you’re safe.”

She jerks awake. “Where is he? Where’s Thomas?”

“Oliver has him, honey. He’s ok. You’re both ok.” 

She’s shaking and crying and it breaks Donna’s heart. “He’s not ok. They killed him. He’s not ok!”

“Shh, it was just a dream. Felicity. It’s ok.” Donna touches Felicity’s arms gently, trying to bring her back to reality.

“It wasn’t just a dream. No. Tommy!”

“Honey, he’s safe. He’s home. Oliver has him, and he’s safe.”

“I need to see him. I want my baby,” she sobs, folding herself into Donna’s arms. Stroking her back with one hand, Donna pulls out her phone.

“Ok. Sweetheart, it’s ok. I’ll call Oliver. They’ll be here soon.”

Donna’s conversation with Oliver is short, and twenty minutes later, they arrive. Felicity is still a mess of tears and wide eyes, her breath hurried and shallow until she sees her son.

“Thomas. Baby.”

The boy goes straight to her, undeterred by her panicked state and she wraps him in a tight hug, her breathing finally slowing down some. After a few minutes, she pulls back to look at him, running a hand over the side of his face and down his arms.

“You’re ok, Tommy?”

“I’m ok, Mama,” his cheery little voice responds. “Look what Uncle Roy got me!” he holds out a little stuffed puppy with floppy ears.

Felicity smiles, though it’s still a little shaky, and tucks Thomas against her, asking him about the dog.

Casting a concerned look Donna’s way, Oliver kisses Felicity’s temple, promises to be back soon, and steps out of the room. When he returns a little while later, Thomas is showing Felicity the new game he learned on the tablet.

Donna steps out into the hallway with Oliver. “What’s going on?”

“Felicity’s doctor thinks she might send her home tomorrow. She was planning on keeping her at least a day beyond that, but she says that her mental health is just as important as her physical health at this stage. Since the fever is gone and she’s able to keep down solid food, there’s no real reason for her to stay here.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I think staying here, away from the kids and home and a sense of normalcy much longer would not be a good choice.”

“She’s still sick, Oliver, even if she doesn’t have a fever anymore. Her body is not well yet.”

“I know. But we can care for her just as well at home. We’ll have to make her take things slow and she’ll need a lot of rest, but at least at home she can spend most of the day with Thomas or Meghan and it will be easier for her to move around and gain strength. Besides, I can make her better food than the stuff they’re giving her here.

“You have other responsibilities too, Oliver. You won’t be able to wait on her hand and foot for weeks.”

“I know that. We’ll figure it out. John and Thea already have agreed to help. I know you’ll be there when you can. Besides, she’d be going home in a few days anyway, I’d rather have her home earlier if it makes a difference for how she’s feeling emotionally and mentally.”

Donna takes a deep breath before nodding. “Ok.”

They enter the hospital room together, and Felicity looks up, curious, even as Thomas is babbling on about something.

“How would you like to go home tomorrow, hon?” Oliver asks her, in answer to the question in her eyes.

She smiles, hopeful, much calmer than before, though still clearly shaken. “Really?”

“Really.”

She nods and he kisses her gently before reaching out to tickle Tommy.

“Hey buddy, did you show Mama the letter game?”

“Oh, yeah!” Tommy taps a few buttons on the tablet, excited to show off his new skills. Donna relaxes at the sight of Felicity and Tommy. She’s still worried, but her daughter does look much more at ease with the little boy by her side.

A doctor comes in to talk to Felicity about her dream, and she tells them it was memories all mashed together, up until the end where they hurt Tommy. She doesn’t give details, but the doctor recommends scheduling an appointment with a counselor in the next few weeks.

They give her something to help her sleep, since her body still needs it to heal, and Oliver takes Tommy home. He switches shifts with Donna later in the evening, and they spend one last night at the hospital.

_____

 

_April 20, 2024_

Felicity’s whole morning is filled with check ups to get clearance to go home, among which is a psych evaluation. The doctors give Oliver schedules for rest, as well as suggested activities to help with both mental and physical recuperation. She and Tommy both have scheduled appointments in the next few weeks with all kinds of doctors.

The last thing he’s given is a schedule for eating, and a list of what to eat and how much at what time.

“Gradually, she should be able to build back up to a normal diet, but I want to start slow so her body doesn’t get overwhelmed,” her doctor tells him. “She’ll be more tired than normal for a while still, so she needs to rest as much as possible. She does need to eat regularly even though she may not feel hungry at first. Take it slow, and don’t hesitate to call with questions.”

They discharge her just after noon. Digg arrives with the car shortly before with some clothing that Thea sent along and a spare set of glasses. Felicity’d had her old ones in the room that Oliver’d found Tommy in, but he’d not gotten them. Since she hadn’t needed them in the hospital, they hadn’t been on Oliver’s mind. He’s grateful that Thea thought to send them along.

Oliver is not prepared for the onslaught of news reporters and paparazzi outside the hospital when they get to the lobby. Neither is Digg, apparently, or he would have found a more discreet way to get them out of there. When as they step outside, cameras begin to flash and reporters begin to yell over the noise of the small crowd. Felicity tenses, her knuckles white where she grips the arm rests on the regulatory discharge wheelchair. She winces and turns away from the flashing cameras.

“Mrs. Queen! What can you tell us about your capture?”

“Mrs. Queen, is it true you’ve been vacationing this whole time?”

“Mrs. Queen, tell us about your son. Is he really Oliver’s?”

“Mrs. Queen, who is the mystery man you were with? Where is he? Is he the father?”

How they’d gotten some of their information and where the rumors were coming from, Oliver has no idea.

He pulls the wheelchair back inside and calls for Diggle, then kneels in front of Felicity, reaching for her trembling hands. Her eyes are wide and shifty, until John reaches her side and tips her chin toward him. His voice is low and calm.

“Felicity, I need you to look at me, Ok? I’m going to be right in front of you the entire time. Look at my back and at nothing else, ok? Ignore everything else, and stay focused on me.”

She nods, still shaking violently. Her hands have found Oliver’s jacket, and are holding on with for dear life. He leans forward to kiss her forehead gently and detangles her fingers so he can move behind her again and push the chair.

As they step outside again, he leans down and speaks softly so only she can hear.

“Don’t look at them, ok? Look at John. Ignore them. Listen to me. Listen to my voice, honey. Focus on John. He’s going to get us out of here.”

They reach the car and he helps her inside in one swift movement. The hospital assistant that was following takes the wheelchair back inside as Oliver slides into the car next to Felicity. He pulls her close and tucks her face against his chest.

Digg slides inside the drivers seat. “Lance just called. He’s bringing around a squad escort. I tried to tell him it was too much fanfare, but he insists it’s the only way we’ll be able to get home without being followed or cut off. It’s a mess out there.”

Oliver nods, feeling Felicity turn her face into him even more. “Hey, it’s ok,” he whispers into her hair. He hears her sniffle, and she lifts a hand to cover the rest of her face. Kissing the top of her head, he murmurs, “Just hold onto me tight.”

She huffs a tense laugh at the inside joke, but her eyes stay shut. Oliver rubs her back, willing Lance’s escort to get there faster.

Eventually, they start to move. Digg turns on the radio, and Oliver talks to Felicity about the kids, hoping to distract her from the mob of people.

“Tommy wanted to come. He’s taken quite the liking to ‘Unca Roy’, so we were able to convince him to stay and have fun with his Legos instead. He’s so excited to see you. After we got home last night, couldn’t stop talking about ‘mama coming home to stay.’ Meghan wants to show you all the spelling tests she’s aced over the years. She’s very proud when she gets a good score on spelling, since math comes easier to her. She’s been so good about sharing her tablet with Tommy and showing him how to play the learning games I got for him.”

Felicity nods, but doesn’t say anything for a while, distracted by the flashing police cruiser lights of their escort. When the lights finally shut off as they merge onto the freeway, she relaxes, and her heartbeat slows. She turns a little, still snuggled into his chest, but pulled back enough so that she can watch the city go by.

Oliver continues to rub her back gently. “Digg and Lyla will be over later for supper, if that’s ok. Lance said he and Laurel might stop by briefly, just to see how you are. The Central City gang all wants to see you too, but I told them to wait. We can set up a get together in a few weeks when you’re feeling better. I have a feeling Barry might still run over, though. He’s not very good at taking instructions. I sent out a message to Sara too, but she won’t be able to get here for a little bit yet.”

“And my mom?”

He smiles at her. “She’s going to stay with us for a few days at least. She and Thea and Roy are at the house with the kids now, getting lunch ready. ”

Felicity nods, but catches sight of her dark hair. Holding up a lock to examine, she turns to him. “I want to set up a hair appointment, soon. Oh, and I should probably see the eye doctor, in case my prescription’s changed or something.”

He smiles at her. “We’ll get that all worked out tomorrow. You know you don’t need to dye your hair though.”

“I know. But I want to. I feel most like myself with blonde hair.”

He smiles. “I’m sure we can get that done then.”

When they finally arrive, Diggle opens Felicity’s door and helps her out. She stares up at the house for a long moment, tears pricking at her eyes. It has been too long.

“Welcome home, Mrs. Queen.”

She bites back a short laugh as Oliver comes around the car. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to being called that. I still hear it and want to look around for Moira.”

Diggle pulls her into a hug and she relaxes into him, curling her fingers into the back of his jacket. He presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Welcome home, Felicity,” he rephrases quietly. She squeezes his hand when he lets her go, and his eyes are glistening too.

Oliver walks her to the door, a hand on her at all times. They step inside, and are greeted by balloons, streamers, two children, three adults, and a brightly colored banner that reads simply, “Welcome Home!”

Tommy crashes into Felicity’s legs the moment they step through the door. She bends down to pick him up, but hisses at the pressure the movement puts on her side. Oliver picks him up instead so they can be close but she doesn’t have to bear his weight.

Felicity seems surprised that they are all there waiting for her. Donna stands next to Roy, blinking back tears. Thea has her hands on Meghan’s shoulders and is grinning broadly.

Felicity seems hesitant to enter the house fully, even when Oliver places a gentle hand on her back and urges her forward.

The door opens behind them and she jumps, spinning quickly toward the noise. Her back tenses and she inhales sharply. It is just Lance, but the tension remains in between her shoulder blades as she offers him a small smile and turns back toward the rest of the family.

Donna has come forward and now takes Felicity’s hand gently. “Come inside, baby. The kids are dying to get to the cake we got for you.”

“Not just the kids,” Roy says, pretending to be gruff and winking at Meghan. Felicity smiles again, but it still doesn’t reach her eyes.

Donna leads her to the couch to sit, but she glances around, eyes shifty and frightened. Oliver knows the feeling: the need to be able to see all parts of all rooms in sight, to be on the edge instead of in the middle, to have an easy line of vision to every door and entrance. He can tell how exposed and on display she feels right now, which is the last thing she needs.

“Let’s sit over here, hon,” he says softly, smiling at Donna, and directing Felicity to the love seat adjacent to the couch. It’s not perfect, but at least she can see into the living room and kitchen, the entrance to the hallway, and the front door easily. He’s not sure if she knows how he’s making her more comfortable, but it registers that he is helping, at least physically. Her shoulders relax and she sits. Oliver places Thomas in her lap and sits next to them, close but not crowding her. The rest of the family comes in to sit, but Diggle leaves, promising to be by tomorrow, if not later today.

Thea and Donna have prepared a simple meal with easy-on-the-stomach food, and Felicity only manages to eat about half of her meal, setting aside the plate with a half-frustrated, half-nauseous look on her face. It worries Oliver, but she moves to the floor to play with Thomas and tells him she’ll finish it later. (He knows she doesn’t, though, finding it in the fridge, later.)

Thea and Roy stay for the meal, but leave shortly after. Thea says she’ll set up Felicity’s hair appointment sometime in the next few days. “Maybe we can get manicures too, if you want.” Felicity agrees, thanking Thea with a hug before they go.

For the majority of the afternoon, Felicity focuses her attention on Meghan and Tommy. The two are happy to entertain her, school projects from Meghan and new toys from Tommy slowly filling the living room. Felicity tires to keep her attention on them both, to laugh at their antics and play with them, but Oliver can tell she’s getting more and more tired as the day goes on. He jumps in as often as he can to take some of the pressure off, but he’s not sure how much good it really does.

They eat an early supper, and Oliver serves Felicity less food than at lunch. She doesn’t quite finish all of it, but he’s glad to see that she tries. They both know it’s a process, and though Donna tries to get her to eat more, Oliver takes her plate away when he can see her struggling finish even the first serving. She’s spent so much time surviving on just enough food to get by that her stomach has probably shrunk, and forcing it won’t help anything. The smile of relief she sends him is worth it, and Oliver gets Donna focused on feeding the kids instead, both of whom are hungry and growing. Meghan, especially, seems to be starting another growth spurt, which keeps Donna occupied. Not the center of attention, Felicity relaxes, and so does Oliver.

_____

Standing in the warm spray of the shower, Felicity tips her head back slightly and lets out a groan. The only shower she’s had for the past three years could barely be considered a shower: the water was always cold and the pressure was barely more than a trickle. With little privacy and dirty concrete walls, Felicity had avoided it as much as possible.

This, though, is the best thing she’s felt in years. She lets the water run over her head and shoulders, taking some of the tension in her muscles with it. There’s a seat at the back, just another thing to be grateful for, because standing for too long is still exhausting. Sighing, she shampoos her hair again, feeling cleaner than she has since she was kidnapped.

She’s grateful for a moment alone, too. The entire afternoon and evening, Oliver has barely left her side, keeping a hand on her nearly the whole day: brushing her shoulder, her elbow, her lower back. Not that she minds: it grounds both of them, and keeps the anxiety swelling in her heart at bay. Still, it’s nice to take a moment and breathe, exist outside of any appearance she needs to keep up, even for him.

The soap smells so good and is gentle on her skin, unlike the coarse stuff she’s had to use at the compound. It brings tears to her eyes that Oliver still has a half-used bottle of her favorite kind waiting for her to get back. He’s put a new razor in there for her too, and she takes her time shaving her legs for the first time in years. By the time she’s done with everything, though, she’s sore and tired, and ready to crawl into bed.

Stepping out of the shower, Felicity finds the new pajamas and robe that Thea got in a shopping trip the other day waiting for her. She dresses and starts to comb out her hair when Oliver knocks.

She lets him in and he takes the comb from her, gently working through the tangles. It appears he had an ulterior motive for coming in, though, as he begins to talk, pretending to be nonchalant.

“So, right now Tommy’s sleeping on a mattress in Meghan’s room, but we’re going to turn the playroom into a bedroom for him soon.” He pauses, and the next words that come out of his mouth make her ache inside. “If you want, we can move his mattress to the second guest room tonight and you can stay there, or I can sleep there. Whatever you want.”

Felicity frowns at him in the mirror. “Why would we do that?”

Oliver dips his head, his hands stilling for a moment. “I don’t know what you went through, Felicity. I don’t want to push you. If you want to sleep by yourself while you readjust to this life, that’s fine with me.”

Turning to face him, she touches his arm briefly and waits until he looks her in the eyes. “Oliver, I’ve spent over three years sleeping alone. Before that, I thought I would never have to spend another night without you by my side. I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I want to be beside you tonight. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

He kisses her temple lightly, sighing with relief. “Ok.”

When Tommy and Meghan are in bed, Quentin heads out. Donna’s staying for a few nights in the guest room while Felicity settles in.

Felicity decides to turn in early, still tired from everything, and Oliver goes with her. At first, he gives her space, but she curls up next to him in bed, not wanting to feel alone anymore. As she drifts off to sleep, she snuggles into him, careful of her wounded side, but glad for his secure warmth. Touch has always been their thing, and though it makes her a little antsy with anyone else right now, she has three years worth to catch up on with him.

The last thing she’s aware of is his fingers gently playing with her hair.

_____

Oliver wakes to flailing arms and muffled cries coming from the bed beside him.

Felicity thrashes in her sleep, calling out, dreaming of horrors he can only imagine. He reaches for her, but as soon as his hand makes contact with her shoulder, she cries out: a terrified, animalistic noise that breaks his heart.

Scrambling out of the bed, she skitters across the room until she is huddled in the corner, curling up like a spooked animal. One hand clutches her wounded side in pain, and the other scrabbles against the wall, trying to find something to cling to, trying to find purchase.

Oliver flicks on the bedside lamp, slowly climbing out of the bed toward her. Speaking her name softly, he approaching on his knees. She trembles and flinches away from him when he reaches for her. Her eyes are open, but they don’t focus on anything and dart back and forth rapidly. He knows she is still dreaming.

“Felicity. Honey, wake up.” He keeps his voice quiet but firm, speaking to her softly until her wide, unseeing eyes finally focus on him. Her breath comes in short, quick bursts, and she stares stupidly into his eyes, practically hyperventilating. Tears roll down her cheeks and her arms wrap so tightly around her body it appears she is trying to fold in on herself.

“Felicity. Breath with me. In, out. Come on.” He exaggerates his breaths, slowing them to a deep but comfortable pace. Her breathing begins to slow, but her small frame continues to tremble, fingers still floundering against the wall.

“Is it ok if I touch you, Felicity?” he asks gently. After a slight hesitation, her head nods the tiniest bit, and he reaches his hand toward her shoulder slowly. She flinches when he makes contact, but relaxes quickly as he begins to rub her upper arm slowly, continuing to breathe deeply for her. Her fingers flutter against the wall again before reaching slowly for him. One hand finds his t-shirt and curls into it, the other still wrapped tightly around her waist.

He begins to rub slow circles on the top of her shoulder with his thumb, waiting for her to instigate any more contact. She leans toward him slowly at first, the hand gripping his shirt trembling and tense. There is a scared hesitance to her motions, as if she’s scared he’ll disappear suddenly. She squeezes her eyes shut tightly for a moment, but when she opens them, she lurches forward and collapses into his arms, sobbing.

“Hey, it’s ok. You’re ok. You’re safe, I’m here.”

She clings to him, hiccupping softly into his chest as he holds and rocks her gently.

Pulling her up onto his legs, he rubs slow circles on her back, turning them so he sits against the wall, rocking her gently.

The door cracks open and Donna peers in. Oliver smiles up at her.  

“It’s ok,” he whispers. “She’s ok.”

Meghan peeks from behind her grandmother’s legs, frightened. “It’s ok.” Oliver repeats.

Donna nods, casts a long, concerned look at her daughter, and takes Meghan’s hand, leading her back to bed.

“I’m sorry.” The words come out a half-sob, half-whisper. Oliver pulls back, framing Felicity’s face with his hands and waiting until her tear-filled eyes met his. He brushes some wetness from her cheeks and speaks firmly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Felicity.”

“I dreamed…you died, Oliver. You came for me and they killed you. They tortured you and killed you in front of me and then they killed Meg and Mom and Thea and they were going to kill Tommy too. You were all dead and it was my fault because I didn’t do what they asked and you came for me and they killed you.”

“Hey. Hey, Felicity. It was just a dream, honey. You’re here and I’m here and we are all alive and safe.”

“But what if they do come for you? What if they come for us?” her voice rises and her breathing begins to quicken again.

“Hey. Don’t worry about it. Ok? We’ve got lots of people on our side. They aren’t coming for us; they’re not going to get you again. ARGUS is taking care of them. You’re safe.” He continues rubbing her back, pulling her head to his shoulder and rocking slowly. Gradually, she relaxes slightly, curling into his chest, her fingers still clutching his shirt. He lifts her and carries her back to bed, settling her down but not letting go. Reaching for a glass on the nightstand, he gives her one of the sleeping pills from the doctor, which she hadn't wanted to take earlier. She takes it now.

Turning in his arms, she snuggles into him again. “Can we leave the light on?” her voice is a small whisper, a plea spoken into his collarbone.

He pulls her closer and smiles softly into her hair. “Of course, hon. Go back to sleep, I’m not going to let anything happen to you, or anyone else that we love.”

She burrows deeper into him, and eventually they both sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Today's chapter title is from Josh Ritter's "Lantern". I got to the end of the chapter and wondered if I should rename it something to do with nightmares, but I already had everything lined up, and really like how it fits with the bit at the beginning. Then I went back and re-listened to the song, and I think it works anyway: "It's a hungry world out there // Even the wind will take a bite // I can feel the world circling // Sniffing round me in the night". (Go listen to the whole thing, it's really good!)
> 
> Anyway, hope you like this chapter! 
> 
> A special thanks to all of you who have commented so far. Your comments make my day, and I love reading your feedback.


	9. I can’t change your thoughts my dear (I can’t change your fears)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and Tommy adjust to home life, and the family spends some time together. 
> 
> Title from Axel Flovent's "Forest Fires"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY this has taken so long to update. I was in my last three weeks of undergrad and got sick and had no time to write. This chapter is a little short, but I wanted to get it up as soon as possible. Enjoy!

_February 2021_

_It’s been four weeks since they took her when she figures it out._

_All the vomiting, lack of a period (even though she should have had one at least six weeks ago), and the same tenderness in certain places and cravings that clued them in before they found out about Meghan hit her like a slap in the face. She should have figured out sooner._

_She’s pregnant._

_Sitting on the floor of the cell they call her room, Felicity cries. This should be a happy moment. They should be celebrating over mint chip ice cream, discussing how to tell their family, how to explain it to Meghan. Instead, Felicity sits and wonders what on earth she’s going to do._

_It takes her two days, but eventually she goes to Dr. Jaredson. Their work is not at all related, but he’s one of the only other captives that she’s been introduced to. His genetic modification research made him an ideal candidate, even though he gave it up years ago to work as a family practitioner. His lab is connected to her workspace, and occasionally the guards allow them to speak to one another if their breaks coincide. He reminds her a bit of Captain Lance sometimes, though that might have more to do with the graying hair than anything. He’s a kind, soft-spoken man that has made Felicity feel somewhat comfortable and reassured at times, if that’s even possible in their situation._

_Now her hands are trembling as she steps into his space, hoping like hell that they won’t get in trouble for this._

_“Dr. Jaredson? Could… would you be able to… I was wondering if I, uh, if you could do something for me. Provided you have the proper equipment, of course.”_

_He turns toward her, smiling softly. “Certainly, Ms. Felicity. What is it you need?”_

_She sits gingerly on the other chair and swallows hard. “I need to know if I’m pregnant.”_

_His expression changes, filling with compassion and sorrow and perhaps a hint of horror. “Do you mind if I ask you something first, Ms. Felicity?”_

_“Not at all."  
_

_He takes a deep breath and looks at her evenly. “Do you know approximately when the child was conceived?”_

_Her breath rushes out of her so quickly she almost chokes. That was not something she would have even considered as being a possibility. The horror behind his implication makes her curl her hands around her belly protectively. She fights to speak without her voice trembling. “I’m at least 6 weeks along.”_

_He nods, a breath of relief. “And, I don’t mean to pry, Ms. Felicity, but as I know nothing of your family life, I feel I must ask. This child, in other circumstances, would it be wanted? Anticipated?”_

_She nods very quickly. “Yes. Oh yes, my husband and I wanted more children. We didn’t expect it to happen this quickly, but yes, Meghan was never going to be an only child.”_

_Some of the sadness returns to his eyes as she speaks of her baby girl, but he stands and moves to one of the medical tables before she can say anything else._

_As far as they can figure, Felicity is close to two months pregnant, give or take a few weeks. Dr. Jaredson lets her cry on his shoulder when he tells her, but she’s sure this is just another obstacle that she will work with._

_If anything, it gives her more motivation to get out of here. Felicity is determined that Oliver will get to meet this child with her. She has to find a way home._

           _____           

_April 21, 2024_

When Oliver wakes, the room is just beginning to brighten from the morning light. Felicity is wrapped in his arms, very still and breathing slowly and evenly. It is still early, and he is content just to lie there with his wife in his arms. However, Tommy is an early riser too, often coming in as soon as he wakes up, “to make sure daddy is still here.” When he pops his head in, Oliver knows the boy won’t be able to stay still enough for Felicity to keep sleeping.

Oliver wakes Felicity just enough to let her know he’s headed downstairs so she's not worried when she gets up, and takes Tommy to start breakfast. It’s Sunday, and he figures a nice meal is a good way to start their family day together.

Tommy helps him stir in the pancake batter. The boy is very good at keeping the spoon steady for his age. They make a little mess, but Oliver doesn’t mind one bit. He starts coffee and chicken sausage and eggs and potatoes, putting on some low music and showing Thomas how to flip the pancakes so they didn’t burn. The little boy is thrilled, and giggles every time.

“I smell coffee.”

Felicity stands in the doorway, one hand pressed gingerly to her wounded side. She’s barefoot and in her pajamas and a loose, untied robe. Oliver smiles a welcome at her as she shifts from foot to foot in the doorway.

“Mommy! We’re makin’ pancakes!”

“I see, baby.” She smiles at him, and he holds out his arms. She crosses the room to hug him gently, sitting on the stool beside him at the counter. Oliver lifts the current batch of pancakes out of the skillet and turns to kiss her gently on the temple.

“How are you feeling today, hon?”

She stifles a yawn and shrugs, running the side of one foot up and down the other leg. “Good. Better once I have some coffee I think. I can have coffee, right? We had instant there, but it was terrible. This smells so good. If I can’t have it you might as well throw it all out because I may fight you if you deny me coffee and it’s the only reason I’m up right now, well that and I’m a little hungry which I thought was good, so I thought I should probably eat if you are making breakfast and you are…” She trails off as Oliver set a mug full of steaming coffee in front of her.

“You can have coffee. I checked. Just take it slow and not too much, ok?”

Felicity nods, smiling, as she wraps her hands around the mug. “Ok.” She lifts it to her face and breathes deeply, her eyes slipping closed in contentment.

When Donna and Meg get back from their syrup run, Oliver serves the pancakes. Felicity has already been snacking on sausage and potatoes and eggs, but she still manages to eat a pancake and some fruit. Tommy gets a kick out of Oliver making a face out of blueberries on his pancake.

“He’s smiley, Mama!”

Felicity grins at him and reaches for another piece of sausage. Donna smiles at Oliver over Meghan’s head.

When Meghan flops backward dramatically, declaring herself “too stuffed to move”, Felicity swallows her last bit of orange juice, stands, and starts to clear the table. Oliver grabs an empty plate and the bowl of potatoes, but she frowns at him, moving into the kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

“Cleaning up?” He answers hesitantly, following her to set the bowl on the counter so he can save the leftovers.

A furrow appears between her eyes. “You made breakfast. I should clean up.”

“It’s ok. I can do both.” He smiles, but she doesn’t, shaking her head slightly.

“I can help, Oliver. I’m not an invalid.”

The smile slides away, and he cocks his head slightly, trying to read her. “I never said you were.”

“Then let me do this.” She reaches for the plate he’s holding, practically jerking it from him. Her hand shakes, but he notices too late, letting it go because he doesn’t want to fight. The plate slips from her hold and crashes to the floor.

Time freezes. Shards of glass scatter across the kitchen in slow motion. Oliver raises his gaze to meet Felicity’s wide eyes, feeling his heart beat three times before time resumes its normal pattern. A hand flies to her mouth and her face crumples.

In an instant, she is gone, running from the room. Their bedroom door slams shut.

Oliver slowly turns toward the table. Both children stare with wide eyes. Tommy starts to cry and Donna moves to comfort him. She watches Oliver for a moment before nodding her head in the direction Felicity fled.

“She needs you, Oliver. We’ll clean up here.”

Tommy sniffles and snuggles into his grandmother. Oliver smiles at him and gives Meghan’s shoulder a squeeze before heading toward the bedroom.

Felicity lies on the bed facing away from the door, her entire body shaking as she cries.

“Hey. Hey, Felicity.” Climbing onto the bed, he lays down behind her, reaching for her. She stiffens at first and for a moment he wonders if he should let her be, but then she melds into him, pressing her shoulder blades into his chest and pulling his arm tighter around her.

“Why can’t I do anything right?” A self-deprecating tone breaks through, and he knows that her days in the hospital have taken an enormous toile on her. Felicity hates being sick, and this is just the icing on the cake.

“Hey.” He props himself up on one arm, gently turning her so she is on her back and can look at him. “It was a simple accident. You don’t get to beat yourself up over this.”

“But…”

“No, Felicity.” He wipes away a tear that has slipped down her temple with his thumb. “You’re pushing yourself too much.”

“I don’t want to be weak.” This is not about a dish on the kitchen floor. There is so much pain buried underneath right now, but Oliver knows that Felicity doesn’t need a rundown of that right now. She just needs love.

“You are not weak.” He sits up, pulling her with him, and frames her face with his hands. “You have never been weak. You are the strongest person I have ever known.”

More tears leak from her eyes. “But I feels so pathetic. I’m so tired and...” Her voice softens to barely more than a whisper. “I don’t know how to be me anymore.”

Sliding back to sit against the headboard, he pulls her into his arms and rubs circles between her shoulder blades. “I know it sucks, Felicity. It’s going to take time, and that’s frustrating. I understand that. But remember when you told me that I was not alone, and you believed in me?”

She huffs a soft laugh. “Of course.”

“The same applies here. You are not alone, and I believe in you.”

Her nose turns into his chest and he can feel the puff of hot air through his shirt as she exhales. “I still feel pathetic.”

He kisses her head. “It’s going to be ok.”

They lie there for a moment, Felicity snuggled in close.

“Mama?” comes a small voice from by the slightly ajar bedroom door. Meghan sneaks inside, looking worried. Still tangled in Oliver’s arms, Felicity holds out a hand, smiling softly at her daughter.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, baby.”

Meghan crawls up onto the bed and curls up in her mother’s arms. “You didn’t scare me. I just don’t want you to be sad. Daddy says breaking dishes happens sometimes and we don’t need to be sad about it, it’s just an accident.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Felicity strokes a hand over Meghan’s hair, smoothing it back. Meghan snuggles into her.

“I broke a plate one time. It was really funny, ‘cause the spaghetti went flying everywhere. There was even sauce on the fridge!”

“Sounds like it made quite the mess.”

Meghan sighs. “Yeah. Daddy had to clean it all up right away, or it would stain. I wanted to help but he said that he didn’t want me to get cut. Sometimes we have to let people help us so we don’t get hurt, right daddy?”

Oliver smiles at Meghan, but his words are for Felicity’s benefit. “That’s absolutely right, hon.”

Felicity swallows hard and blinks her eyes rapidly. Oliver knows she’s holding back tears. He leans over and kisses her head, then reaches to tickle Meghan.

“Hey, kiddo, why don’t you go get your robot to show Mama? I bet she’d love to see what you’ve been working on.”

Meghan jumps up, gleeful. “Ok!”

“Take it down to the living room, we’ll meet you there,” Oliver calls after her. Felicity’s calmer now, and takes his proffered hand. He helps her up, and they head downstairs.

_____

Donna’s done cleaning the broken glass when they reach the kitchen, and Felicity helps put away some of the food while Meghan gets her things together. The three adults work together, getting it done quickly.

In a few minutes, Meghan comes down the stairs again, carrying a tote that is nearly half as big as she is. She puts it in the living room, and then runs to the kitchen, dragging Felicity by the hand to the couch. She pulls pieces out onto the coffee table as soon as Felicity is sitting.

“Daddy got me two sets and an extra motor for my birthday, but then I put together other parts to make it work better than the ‘structions said.” She hands Felicity a piece of a Lego robot toy. “Daddy had Uncle Cisco and Uncle Curtis set up my computer so I can program it to do stuff. I’m not very good yet and they’re both really busy but we’re starting computer typing at school and I’m gonna learn how to make it pick up stuff and not just roll around.”

“I can help you,” Felicity says very softly, turning a part of the toy over in her hand. Meghan’s face lights up, and she gazes at her mother with awe. Abandoning the rest of her toy on the table, she jumps onto the couch next to her mother.

“Really?” she bounces on her knees. “Really, Mama?”

Felicity smiles at her. “Really, sweetie. I built my first computer when I was just a little older than you. I can teach you to code.”

Meghan throws her arms around Felicity’s neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mama!”

Felicity hugs her daughter to her, blinking back a sudden wave of emotion. It’s been difficult, seeing her baby girl so grown up from the two year old she’d been, but this feels like the start of a new relationship.

Meghan pulls back. “I didn’t really want the robot for my birthday. I mean, I did, but it’s not what I wanted most.”

“No?” Felicity responds, tucking a lock of hair behind the little girl’s ear.

“No. I wanted you to come home.”

“Oh, baby.” Felicity pulls her in for another hug, ignoring the protest in her side. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry I was gone for so long.”

“It’s ok.” Meghan replies. She detangles herself from her mother’s arms, and sits beside her on the couch, picking up the robot.

They spend the rest of the afternoon building and coding. Oliver brings out the toddler Lego’s and Tommy joins them. Felicity helps him build several towers and houses.

By the end of the day, Meghan’s robot toy can successfully move a set of bricks from one end of the coffee table to the other without falling off. Meghan is thrilled.

“Tomorrow can we work on building my x-wing?” she asks, too excited to sit still. Felicity rests in the corner of the couch, cuddling a tired Tommy.

“Tomorrow you have school, Megs.” Oliver reminds her.

She pouts, looking so much like her mother that he almost laughs out loud. “But, Daddy…”

“No, sweetheart, you need to go back to school. You’ve missed enough. Mama can help you build some in the evening, but you do need to go to school, ok?”

Meghan crawls up next to her mother and brother. “Ok. But you can’t go to the science museum without me.”

Oliver chuckles. “Deal.”

_____

Felicity stands half-turned in the doorway to the sunroom, arms wrapped around herself loosely. Bright late-morning light spills in cheerily, but Felicity feels rather impassive toward it all.

The house is quiet today. Oliver had to go into the office and Meghan’s at school. Tommy’s napping, Donna’s doing laundry, and Felicity feels slightly lost in her own home. Of course, it doesn’t even feel like her home anymore, since she’s lived away from it longer than she’d lived in it.

Felicity doesn’t know what to do with herself. For three years, she’s been forced to do work, work that she didn’t want to do, and now all she wants is to have someone tell her what to do.

She’d wandered back downstairs after putting Tommy down, and finds herself at a loss. There is so much light here, and it’s blinding. Taking a shaky breath, she moves to sit on the couch.

A laptop sits on the table, and she runs her fingers over it, wanting to open it up. She is torn between never wanting to see a line of code again and wanting to code all the things she had ideas for over the last three years. It’s not her laptop, though, and she hesitates to open it. Hers is probably buried in a box in the office somewhere, but it’s also outdated now and she’ll need a new one. Just another thing added to the list.

She pulls the laptop to her lap and opens it. Once she’s done that though, she still at a loss. Maybe she should get on Netflix and catch up on some of the shows she’d missed. It doesn’t sound super appealing, but she opens the browser anyway.

The first page that pops up is Queen Inc.’s website. Felicity freezes, watching the slideshow of pictures at the top slowly flip past her: smiling employees, environmental and social outreaches, tech club groups: all the things she’d started working on before she’d left.

All the things, apparently, that Oliver was trying to keep going, even though she’d been gone.

She spends over an hour skimming through articles and pages about the projects. Her after school Tech Club groups for Middle and High schoolers have grown so much that they’re starting one for upper elementary soon. She’s engrossed in exploring the website when a light knock comes on the doorframe.

Felicity spins, feeling caught, though she’s doing nothing wrong. Oliver stands, smiling.

“You’re back early,” Felicity blurts. He moves into the room, chuckling.

“It’s almost 11:30, hon. Lunch and the park, remember?”

“Oh.” Felicity closes the laptop and returns it to the table. “Sorry, I…”

“Hey.” He holds out his hand and she takes it, standing. “What’s mine is yours, right? Besides, I’m sure you were curious. I’ll have to let you know all the new projects we’ve started, if you want.”

Felicity nods, but Tommy comes barreling into the room before she can say anything else. Donna is right behind.

“I’m off to lunch with Quentin,” she reminds them, giving Felicity a kiss. “See you in a bit!”

Oliver pulls out leftovers for a light meal, and after lunch they take Tommy to the park. He loves feeding the ducks and playing on the slide.

Felicity and Oliver sit nearby on a sunny bench, watching. It’s a warm day, but Felicity still feels exposed in the open park, even with Oliver’s arm draped over back of the bench behind her shoulders.

A little boy approaches Tommy and says something to him, but Tommy doesn’t answer. Instead, he stares at the boy for a moment, then turns to go down the slide again. The other child abandons his quest and goes to play with another child in the sand instead.

Other groups of children play together by the swings and jungle gym, but Tommy is stuck in his own little world, happy to slide by himself.

“He’s not playing with anyone.”

She knows there’s panic in her voice, but she can’t help it. What if not interacting with other kids his whole life has damaged him somehow?

“He’s two.” Oliver responds. “It’s normal at that age. The other kids are a little older.”

“But what if he never wants to play with anyone?”

Oliver rubs her arm, noting the fear in her tone. “He’s just fine with Meghan so far. He’ll get there. Give him time.

She turns to him, aware fear is probably written all over her face. She never wanted to be this kind of mother, but she’s afraid she’ll start spiraling.

“What if he’s never ok? What if being there keeps him from being able to have normal interactions? What if…”

“Then we’ll still love him. He’s loved and he knows it, Felicity, and that’s the most important thing. It’s the best thing you could have done for him in that situation, and plenty of kids have trouble socializing without being in a situation like that. He’s young, and kids are resilient. He’ll be just fine, I promise.”

Felicity tries to take a deep breath. She knows, logically, that Oliver is right. But she can’t help the fear that settles in her throat. She swallows and leans into her husband’s side, trying to relax.

_____

Oliver has to go back into the office after lunch, but only for a few hours. He gets home a little while after Thea drops Meghan off after school. Quentin’s over, helping Donna get supper together, and Oliver finds Felicity with Meghan and Tommy in the playroom, and leans against the doorjamb, watching silently for a moment. Tommy’s playing with some blocks in the corner, but the real commotion is in the middle of the room, where an X-wing fighter is being built.

“Now I need those red ones, for the wings,” Meghan says, pointing at the pile of Lego’s spread between her and her mother. Felicity hands them to her and resumes work on the piece she’s building.

“When the wings are done, I can put them on the whole thing, and then it’s finished!” Meghan exclaims, snapping a piece into place.

“You still have to put together your pilot,” Felicity tells her, indicating the Lego man that hasn’t been assembled.

Meghan purses her lips and hums. “No, I think that I’m going to use one of my other ones.”

Oliver can’t see Felicity’s face, but he hears the smile in her voice. “Oh? Why’s that?”

“Well,” Meghan pauses her wing building and reaches for the box. She pulls out a few characters and pops the head off of one. “I guess she need the pilot suit, but I wanted Rey to fly it.”

“That’s a good idea,” Felicity agrees. She finishes the piece she’s working on and holds it out to Meghan. “Done with those wings?”

Meghan gives her the pieces for two unfinished ones, takes the part that Felicity handed her and attaches it to the main body of the plane. In a few minutes they have the rest of it sorted out. Meghan snaps the last pieces into place and hold it up with a smile.

“We did it, Mama!”

“It’s wonderful, honey.”

Oliver pushes himself off the doorframe, smiling. The movement catches Meghan’s eye, and she jumps up. “Daddy! Look what we made!”

“I see, baby,” he grins. She hands it to him and he turns it back and forth to admire it. “Well done.”

Felicity stands as Tommy barrels across the room, abandoning his blocks to attach himself to his father’s leg. “Hi, daddy!”

Oliver gives the Lego creation back to Meghan and ruffles Tommy’s hair. “Hi buddy.”

Felicity’s standing off to the side, arms wrapped around her middle. She’s smiling, but it’s a tired smile. Oliver reaches to give her a gentle hug, which she accepts but doesn’t linger in.

“Ok, Megsie,” Oliver says, “put that with the others and go see if Grandma and Grandpa need help setting the table.”

Meghan only pouts a little bit, but does as asked. Oliver picks up Tommy, props him on his hip, and holds out his free hand. Felicity accepts it, and together they walk down the stairs to the kitchen to join the rest of the family for supper.


	10. if your heart has become spare parts (show your hands)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity struggles with healing and her emotions. Oliver and the team struggle with how best to help her. 
> 
> Title from Radical Face: "We're On Our Way"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added some characters and character interaction that I'm not sure about. Laurel is in this story, but she won't be a big presence. I did start this story before she died on the show though, so I felt it necessary to include her to some extent. Please let me know if it's not working. 
> 
> Also, this chapter begins to explore a little of Felicity's headspace, which deals with early signs of depression and anxiety, with the idea that she has PTSD. Hopefully it's not too much of a trigger for anyone, but this is your warning.

_April 23, 2024_

Oliver finds Felicity standing in her bra and underwear in the bathroom, starting at herself in the mirror. Her hair is down over her shoulders in a ragged mess. She’s been trying to brush it, but it's obvious that the pain in her side and wrist is making it nearly impossible, and she’s started crying.

He pauses just inside the doorway, taking her in and realizing just exactly how skinny she is now. He can see all of her ribs, and her hips and collarbones jut sharply from her skin. It pains him to see her so unhealthy, but he knows this part of her healing process is just one more thing that will take time. The doctor told him that her diet and recovery schedule are similar to that of someone who is anorexic, the thought of which makes his stomach churn. 

“Hey,” he says gently, so as not to startle her.

Her eyes raise to meet his in the mirror and she frowns, swiping at them. “This is useless,” she grumbles with a frustrated huff.

Oliver gently takes the brush from her hand and begins to work through her messy curls. She clenches her hands into fists at her sides. “You don’t have to do that.” There’s anger in her voice, but it’s not directed at him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he answers gently, smiling at her in the mirror. She doesn’t smile back, swiping again at the tears under her eyes.

“It’s pathetic. I can’t even brush my own hair.”

“You’re not pathetic, Felicity. You’re recovering. These things take time.”

Her face twists as she tries to hold back the tears for a moment. He stops brushing and rubs her shoulder instead. She gives in to the emotions. Putting her hands on the counter, she leans forward and tips her head down, shaking with silent tears. Oliver gently wraps his arms around her, drawing her to his chest, murmuring softly to her.

“Hey, listen to me. You’ve been through an extremely traumatizing event, not only for your mind but for your body too. I know it’s hard to be patient, but you will get better with time. We are all here for you, and none of us blame you for struggling in any way. Ok?”

“I don’t want to struggle. I don’t want to be a burden. I want everything to be fine and normal. Not like this.”

His heart breaks at the desperation in her voice, the anger and disappointment. He turns her in his arms gently and dips his head to look her in the eyes.

“You’re not a burden, Felicity. You could never be a burden. It’s going to take time, but everything will be fine. I know you want it now, and I know you know that can’t happen, but we’ll get through this. OK?”

She rolls her lips together, swallowing hard. He rubs his hands up and down her back and she leans forward, nodding into his chest. He holds her for a moment longer before pulling back and smiling down at her.

“I have to make an appearance at work today, but Thea and your mom are going to take you to your hair and eye appointments. We can get lunch together and do something as a family when Meghan gets out of school, if you are feeling up to it.”

She nods again and he kisses her hair. “Go get dressed, love. I’ll see you before I leave.”

When he leaves for work, Felicity seems to be feeling a bit better. She’s playing a bit with Tommy as they wait for Thea to finish arrive. All traces of her fear and tears are gone, but Oliver’s not quite sure what that means.

He is only at the office until noon, promising to meet them for lunch before Felicity’s eye appointment, but the time drags on. He wants to be with her, to be next to her at all times. The fear of her being taken again is still there, and will probably never fully go away. He manages to be somewhat productive, though, knowing that Thea and a team of security members are with Felicity and Tommy.

When it is finally time to leave for lunch, though, he rushes out without a backward glance, leaving piles of paperwork yet to be looked at.

Thea and Felicity are at the restaurant when he gets there, a nice little diner Thea picked on account of it having many options for Felicity and Tommy to eat with all their current diet restrictions. Felicity’s head is turned when he enters, and he stops short when his eyes hit her hair.

He knew it would be back to blonde, but what that meant didn’t registered until he sees it. She looks like _his_ Felicity again. He knows it doesn’t matter what color her hair is, he loves her in the same way no matter what, but something about the blonde is so characteristically Felicity that it grounds him and made him feel like the everything is back to normal, or on the way to it.

Thea sees him and waves him over. Felicity turns and his heart thuds in his chest. Her eyes are concerned, wary of his reaction. He smiles at her as he approaches the table, leaning to kiss her head.

“You look great, hon.”

She smiles at him, then, lifting a hand to touch the newly dyed hair. “I wasn’t sure if I should ease back into it, maybe get a darker blonde to start, but I’m glade I went with this.”

“We match!” Tommy exclaims, grinning at his father from his seat where he’s coloring the children’s menu. He points at his own hair to emphasize his point and Oliver grins, reaching over to ruffle Tommy’s locks.

“You sure do, buddy.”

Oliver sits and the waitress approaches. She takes their order and serves Oliver water. When she’s gone, he turns to Thea.

“I have a few PR things I need you to take a look at when you get the chance, sometime in the next few days or so.”

She nods, taking a sip of her water. “I can come by tomorrow, I think.

“Why not today?” Felicity pipes up. They both turn toward her. She shrugs, flushing under the sudden increase of attention. “We have time after my eye appointment. We can swing by then.”

Oliver rubs her shoulder. “I didn’t know if you wanted to come into the office yet,” he says softly. She smiles a little.

“I’ll just be there, with Thea. No need to make a big deal out of it.”

“Ok, it’s settled. We’ll swing by after the appointment.” Thea smile at her sister in law.

Their food comes then, and the conversation shifts. Oliver doesn’t notice the worry lines beginning to etch themselves into Felicity’s face as she frets with Tommy’s lunch and barely eats her own.

_____

The eye appointment goes quickly and smoothly. Felicity is outfitted with an updated prescription and her favorite frames. She’s aware most people would want something new, but she just wants familiarity. Her glasses broke shortly after being kidnapped, and they’d given her ones she’d hated, even though the prescription was almost correct. She’d been looking forward to this, and slipping them on felt a little like slipping one more piece back into the right place.

She’s unaware of the way her fingers worry over themselves as they approach QI. She feels anxious, but she can’t place it and doesn’t bother to stop and understand why. Tommy is chattering up a storm about the toys he played with in the waiting room and she busies herself with paying attention to him.

The little boy’s eyes go wide when the reach QI and step out onto the curb. Thea lets the valet take the car and leads them inside. Physically, the place doesn’t look any different than Felicity remembers, but being here is still surreal.

The guard lets them pass, greeting Thea with smiles of familiarity and Felicity with stutters of awe. She grips Tommy’s hand tightly, plastering on the stiff smile of a public face with some difficulty.

This used to be easy for her. Well, easier.

Tommy is looking and pointing at everything, tugging her arm this way and that. Felicity is focused on putting one foot in front of the other until they reach the elevator.

It’s a quick trip up to Oliver’s office, and soon enough they’re stepping off to see him. He’s waiting, chatting with his secretary.

“Daddy!” Tommy shouts, as soon as he sees him. Felicity lets go of his hand, and he runs to his father. Oliver picks him up and swings him in the air, to the absolute delight of the boy.

“Mrs. Queen,” Gerry, Oliver’s secretary, gasps. He’s staring at Felicity like she’s got tentacles, which she wants to scoff at. He did use to be her secretary, after all. Instead, she forces herself to smile at him. Her face is beginning to feel stiff from all the polite smiling.

“Hello, Gerry.” She manages to sound pleasant, she thinks, which is a plus.

He’s grinning, then, hurrying around the desk to grasp her hand. “I was so thrilled to hear that you were coming home. It’s an absolute miracle. Though, I will say, Mr. Queen has done quite well with the company in your absence. Really, I will admit, some of us were a bit worried at the beginning, but everything is going great, actually. Stocks are up, and with this new project…”

“Gerry,” Oliver cuts in, smiling gently at the man. “Felicity’s just here for a personal visit today. We can fill her in on all that later.”

“Oh. Right. Of course, Mr. Queen.” He drops Felicity’s hand, smiles at her nervously, and hurries back around his desk. “I have some other work to do anyway. It’s wonderful to see you, Mrs. Queen.”

Felicity nods, mutely. She’s still reeling a little from Gerry’s monologue, though she knows she’s the same way when it comes to talking fast, or at least she used to be.

Oliver leads them into his office, directing Thea toward the desk for the paperwork she needs to look at. He takes Tommy to the couch and plops him down, showing him the basket of toys he keeps for any of the kids when they come.

Felicity wanders over to the window. At first, she just wants to see the skyline again, but she finds herself reminiscing. Though she’s terrified, standing so far above the ground with only a pane of glass and a few steps to keep her from falling, something in her quiets when she steps up to the window, in a way she doesn’t understand. She takes a breath and looks out over the skyline.

“Sorry about Gerry, hon. I mentioned you were coming by, but the message must have gotten mixed.” Oliver comes up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“It’s ok.” She leans back into his chest, unable to tear her view away from the streets below. “You’ll have to tell me about that new project though. Now I’m interested.”

“I have a lot to tell you about the company. But not just yet.” He drops a kiss to her head, and she turns in his arms.

“Why not?”

“Well, you still need to heal, to rest, and I know if I tell you about some of these things, you won’t be able to keep yourself from working on them.”

“Oliver,” she almost whines. “You know I could just look them up.”

He’s smiling, though, pulling her closer. “I know. But you can’t do anything about it until I sign off. I am the CEO, after all.”

She wiggles her eyebrows. “Is that a challenge?” she has no idea where this playfulness is coming from, but it feels good, so different from the mellow funk she’s been in the past few days.

He tickles her good side, making her squirm. “You’d better not, or I’ll…”

“You’ll what?” she pokes him back, but he grabs her hands and holds them away from his sides, stepping closer so she has to tip her head back to look at him. He’s leaning toward her, his face inches from hers, and she can hear a low growl in his throat when Thea makes a coughing noise.

“There are children here,” comes the reprimand, though it’s somewhat teasing, “and glass wall."

Felicity clears her own throat and steps back, adjusting her glasses. Her ears are very warm and she knows they’re bright pink. A quick look tells her that Tommy and Gerry are both oblivious. Oliver doesn’t seem to care either way. He’s grinning dorkily, but settles for grabbing her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. Thea raises an eyebrow at them but doesn’t comment on that.

“I’m all finished, Ollie. Do you need to check anything, or need me to do anything else?”

He makes his way back to the desk, still holding Felicity’s hand and glances over the documents. “Nope, everything looks good.”

As he conducts business with Thea, Felicity can feel the playfulness slipping away. She can’t place it, but something that was there a moment ago no longer feels real. She’s trying to figure out what’s going on when Gerry steps in.

“You have a call on line one, Mr. Queen.”

Oliver thanks him, then turns back and kisses Felicity’s head.

“I’ll try to be home soon, ok? I love you.”

Thea is gathering Tommy and ushering them out the door. Felicity’s still reeling a little, but she offers Oliver a little wave. He waves back, turning to the phone, and Thea takes Felicity and Tommy home. Meghan and Donna are probably waiting for them anyway, or will be soon, and Felicity tries to focus on that instead of the sudden way her chest feels like it’s a gaping hole.

_____

“How is she?” Roy is slipping on his mask when Thea comes into the lair. Curtis turns in his chair by the computers, waiting for an answer as well.

“She’s…I don’t know.” Thea rubs her neck, trying to relieve some tension. “Her appointments went fine, but she’s just not well yet, mentally or physically. It’s… it’s hard to see her like that. I think she gets frustrated a lot since she can’t do things she wants to, but tries not to let anyone see.”

Roy comes over to kiss his wife gently. “You being there for her, I’m sure that’s helping.”

Thea sighs, turning to get her suit. “I hope so. What are we up against tonight?”

Curtis looks back to his computers. “Not much. Even without the Green Arrow on the streets, it’s still slow.”

“Has ARGUS found the kidnappers yet?” Laurel walks into the lair, slipping out of her blazer and leaning against the desk.

“Not that I know of. Lyla was supposed to let us know for sure…”

“Can you run some searches?” she asks Curtis. He throws her a look.

“Not sure that’s really a good idea. We have no idea where they even are, like, on the entire planet.”

Laurel sighs, crossing her arms. “So we can’t do anything?”

Roy pats her on the shoulder as he walks by. “We can be here for Felicity and Oliver. If anything fishy happens, we’re on it; for now, we just need to do our job.”

“Fine.” Laurel sinks into a chair, grabbing a headset. “I’m on backup with Curtis again, I guess.”

Thea shoots her a grin, newly changed into her leathers. “We’ll let you know if we need anything.”

“Stay safe,” Curtis says, and Thea and Roy head out the door.

_____

That night, Felicity wakes at 3:35am, five hours after they’d gone to bed. She stares at the ceiling for a long moment, listening to Oliver breathe slowly next to her.

She didn’t have a bad dream, not this time, but try as she might, she can’t fall back asleep. It’s so quiet in this house now, after all those years of constant noise and worry.

Slipping out of bed, Felicity pulls her robe from its hook on the closet door and leaves as quietly as possible. Oliver sleeps on.

She finds herself in the sunroom, looking out the big bay window. The moon is bright and the night is clear, and she can hear echoes of laughter from a past life. Once, these memories might have brought comfort, but now they haunt her. She draws her robe a little tighter, suddenly cold.

Every nerve is on edge, but she doesn’t know why. They have a security detail surrounding them at all times, Team Arrow and ARGUS both have searches for any unusual activity that might indicate someone trying to get to her, and ARGUS is trying to round up all the kidnappers. Oliver’s right upstairs, so she should feel safe.

She doesn’t.

Felicity hasn’t felt safe for a long time. It’s not something she can switch on and off, either, she supposes, or she’d be fine right now. Three years of constant fear, and apparently her brain doesn’t know what to do with itself, so it’s making up things to be anxious about. Or, more accurately, telling her to be anxious when there’s no reason at all.

Leaning against the wall, Felicity looks out to the city lights. This afternoon was so different. For a moment there, she’d felt happiness, or something like it. As close as she’s gotten to happiness in a long time, anyway. It was there for a moment, a brief, glorious moment, and then it was gone.

She’d wanted to scream. She still kind of does, but she’s also just so tired of it all.

She’s not sure how long she stands there, but the sky has started to lighten a little when she makes it back to bed, careful again to not wake Oliver. He shifts and mumbles when she climbs in, but doesn’t wake up, and Felicity manages to drift off to sleep again.


	11. errant heat to the star (and the rain let in)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity continues to heal in some areas, and breaks further in others. A good friend shows up for a visit. 
> 
> Title from Bon Iver's "Beth/Rest"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is so late. I got a lot of comments on the last chapter that I needed to make sure I worked out a little bit. Some of it is addressed in the chapter, and hopefully it is all clear. 
> 
> One thing I do want to make a note of here are the questions about suicide. I have no plans of Felicity contemplating suicide in this story, though her mental health does take her to a dark place. Suicide is a delicate and difficult subject for many people, and I want to be sensitive to that. Though Felicity's experiences in this story certainly could lead her or others like her to a suicidal place, I don't want to write it poorly or make light of it in any way, intentionally or accidentally. Depression and anxiety and PTSD can get very dark without strong suicidal thoughts really taking place. Felicity will act in such a way that might look that way in some instances a little later on, but it's more of a thrill and emotion seeking response than a desire to end life. I will explore inside her head, so hopefully it is clear where she is coming from in those cases. 
> 
> Please feel free to ask me any other questions regarding this or other issues in the story! I'll be happy to answer them as best as I can.

_April 27, 2024_

“…are still at large.”

Lyla’s voice floats up the stairs from where she’s having a quiet conversation with Oliver. Felicity stops buttoning her shirt and steps a little closer to the door to listen.

“…anything we can do to help.”

“I appreciate it, but I don’t want Team Arrow in on this, Oliver. At least not yet. It’s a little too close to home still, I think.”

“We’ve handled stuff like this before, Lyla.”

“Not quite.”

Felicity rolls her wrist gently as she listens. The doctors had declared it healed enough to stop using the brace yesterday, but it’s still a little stiff and sore. She finishes buttoning her shirt, moving slowly down the stairs.

“I want to help, Lyla, in any way I can. You know what this means to me, to us…”

“I don’t want your emotions to get the better of you, Oliver. There’s more on the line now, with Meghan and Tommy, and Felicity’s not ready to jump back in.”

“Sure I am.” They both start, turning toward her.

“Felicity, honey,” Oliver begins, but she waves him off.

“What do you need, Lyla?” she asks instead, moving toward her friend. Lyla sighs.

“Nothing yet, Felicity. Really. We’ve got it handled.”

Felicity shakes her head. “You just said that you hadn’t found anything yet.”

“We have some leads. And you’re not cleared for office work, yet, so there’s no way you’re doing this.”

“My wrist is better.” Felicity holds up the appendage in question, rolling it and wiggling her fingers. “See?”

“Honey, you’re still recovering,” Oliver cuts in. “Not just from surgery and broken ribs, but from pneumonia too, remember? And…”

“And hypovolemia, and malnutrition, and anemia, and _cracked_ ribs, yes I know. But I can still type. And if it’s too much, I’ll stop.”

Lyla takes a breath then turns to Felicity with a smile. “Lets just go to brunch and talk about this later, ok? I have people on this around the clock—we don’t need to make a decision just yet.”

Oliver’s imploring her with his eyes, and Felicity sighs, giving in. She doesn’t want to fight. Oliver gives her a quick kiss and bustles them out the door. “Have fun.”

Felicity waves, getting into Lyla’s car. Her lips tingle where Oliver’s had pressed against hers, briefly, and she realizes that it’s the first time he’s kissed her on the mouth since she’s been back. She wonders why that is. Did he think she didn’t want him to kiss her? Did he not _want_ to kiss her?

Lyla’s voice breaks through her thoughts. “So, there’s a great diner that serves breakfast food across town, or we can go to that new Italian eatery if you’re feeling more like lunch food. Both have lots of options that fit with your current diet.”

Lyla turns onto the main road, waiting for Felicity’s response. She struggles to bring her thoughts to the present. “Um, Italian sounds nice."

“Great. I was thinking the same thing.”

The drive is quick, and before she knows it, Felicity and Lyla are seated in at a nice little corner table with a waitress taking their drink order. The restaurant isn’t too busy for mid-day on a Saturday, which eases Felicity’s nerves a little. Being out in public still frazzles her some.

“This is nice,” Lyla says as they sit. “It’s been too long since we’ve had one of these lunch dates. Too bad Thea couldn’t make it.”

Felicity nods, trying to think of something to say. Her mind has been awkwardly blank sometimes lately. Words used to slide out unbidden, now they hide in the back of her throat until it’s too late.

Lyla doesn’t miss a beat though, moving the conversation along on her own. Felicity supposes she knows something about coming back from difficult situations.

“So, your brace came off yesterday. What else did they tell you?”

A direct question. She can answer that. “The pneumonia should be gone completely in another week or two, and my ribs are healing fine. No change in diet yet though.”

Lyla smiles gently. “How about Tommy?

“He’s gotten some more vaccinations and they are really pleased by all his progress.”

“That’s good, Felicity.”

Felicity swallows a sip of water, trying to quell the fears that still bubble beneath the surface regarding her little boy. Lyla notices though, reaching for her hand.

“You know you can talk to me about anything you need to, right?” Her friend asks, and Felicity nods, blinking back sudden tears.

“I’m just worried about him. He doesn’t play with other kids at the park. He only sometimes plays with Meghan. He likes Oliver, and Roy’s made some progress with him, but even when he plays with them he doesn’t talk to them like he does to me.” One tear manages to escape her eye, but she ignores it. “He’s been through so much. Some of the things he’s seen…. I don’t know how to help him, Lyla.”

“Hey.” Lyla leans in close. “He’s going to be ok. He’s a kid, and kids are resilient. He’s also two, and two year olds don’t play with a lot of other people yet. That’s normal.”

Felicity huffs a laugh. “That’s what Oliver said.”

“Good, then you know we’re both telling the truth.” Lyla smiles at her. “If you’re really worried, take him to see a child psychologist. But really, consistency is the best thing you can give him, a solid, predictable schedule, and lots of love. He’s going to be fine. You both are.”

Their lunch comes, and they eat. Felicity finds that she’s enjoying herself, able to relax in Lyla’s presence, pushing her worrying thoughts aside for an hour.

_____

Tommy wakes that night, screaming. He’s had bad dreams before, but none that have woken him so violently. He’s inconsolable to all but Felicity, sobbing even as he’s placed in her arms.

“The mean one, Mama. The mean one,” he says, over and over through shaky hiccups and tears. She sooths him gently as best as she can, but she’s shaken too. As rocks him in the rocking chair and sings him a soft lullaby, one she and Donna have often sung to Meghan, her voice trembles.

Eventually, Tommy drifts back to sleep in his mother’s arms. Oliver offers to lay him down, but Felicity shakes her head. There are tears in her eyes.

“I’m not leaving him,” she says, voice still shaky but resolute.

She’ll sit up all night with him in her arms, not sleeping a wink herself. Oliver knows this, but he also knows how much she needs to rest.

“We’ll take him to our bed,” he offers. Felicity considers and agrees. When she begins to stand up with her little boy still secure in her arms, Oliver reaches for him. Felicity’s tired and shaky, and trying to keep pressure off her ribs is too much, so Oliver lifts Tommy from her arms gently enough to not wake him and carries him to their room, putting him down in the center of the big bed. Felicity crawls in beside him, her hand never losing contact with the little boy. She curls her body protectively around his, pulling him close.

Oliver goes to his side of the bed and lies down facing them. He strokes Tommy’s hair back from his forehead and smiles at Felicity in the almost-darkness of the room. There’s still a crease of worry between her brows, but she’s breathing easier now that Tommy’s asleep again. Oliver reaches over to tuck some stray hairs behind her ear.

“Sleep,” he whispers. “You’re both safe now.”

Exhaustion wins and Felicity sleeps.

_____

_“Let go of him!”_

_The large man has Thomas by the wrist, dragging him down the hallway. The boy has no hope of keeping up…at one and a half years old he’s just barely started running._

_“Get to your station and do your work,” he barks at Felicity, turning to wave his finger in her face._

_Felicity is shaking, tears running down her cheeks. She reaches for Thomas and he cries for her, but instead of letting him go, the man picks him up._

_“Not without him. I’m allowed to keep him with me.”_

_The man sneers. “Not anymore. He’s a distraction.”_

_“No! He’s not! I promise, he’s not.”_

_The boy squirms in the man’s arms, trying to get free. His face is red with anger and tears streak down his cheeks._

_“Please.” Felicity begs. “Please, he’ll be good. I’ll do what you want.”_

_The man’s smile grows. Felicity fights to keep from shuddering at his wicked grin. “Get to your desk,” he orders, grabbing her by the arm and shoving her down the hall._

_Felicity does as she’s told. She’s always afraid for their lives, but never quite like this. The man has a tight grip on Thomas, and the little boy is crying profusely now. When she gets to her desk and sits down to begin her work for the day, Felicity can barely type her fingers are shaking so badly.  
_

_“Pull up assignment E-304.b,” he orders. Her eyes fly to his, wide._

_“But…” she sputters. Thomas is sobbing and squirming, but the man’s hold on him is firm._

_“Do it.”_

_With a deep breath, Felicity begins to do as asked. Just as she’s finding what the man wants, a younger offers runs in._

_“Sir, you are wanted in the control room.”_

_He turns, frustrated toward the younger man. “Is it urgent?” he bites out._

_“They sent me specifically for you, sir, right away.”_

_Huffing a sigh, the man plops Thomas on the floor and follows the younger officer out. He waves a finger at Felicity as he’s leaving._

_“We’ll finish this when I get back. Do your work.”_

_As soon as he’s gone, she springs from the chair and grabs the sobbing little boy. He buries his face in her neck and trembles._

_“Shh, shh baby, it’s ok. Mama’s got you. Mama’s here. It’s ok now. Everything’s ok.”_

_She hopes she’s not lying to him._

_______

It happens for the first time Sunday night. Felicity wants to talk to Oliver about his lack of physical touch, about his gentleness. He’s always been so tactile with her, but now his hands hover more than anything, and he’s only kissed her on the lips once.

They’ve just finished putting the kids to bed and Oliver’s turning to go down the stairs to finish cleaning up the kitchen. She says his name softly and he turns back with a small smile, already on the steps.

Felicity finds that she can’t take a full breath. Air is suddenly trapped in her throat, and her heart begins to race as she’s gasping for air. Her chest feels heavy and hollow. Everything is so bright and sharp all of the sudden, even though the hall lights are dim. She feels like she’s spinning.

Her hands are numb and tingly. She clenches them into fists, bending slightly at the waist as she tries to breathe. She wonders if the world is ending.

“Felicity?” Oliver’s worried voice breaks through the haze, but only just. Squeezing her eyes shut, she shakes her head. Her breathing quickens, her legs tremble, and she just wants to run. She already feels like she’s been sprinting, but she needs to get out of here, now.

“Felicity, honey, look at me?”

Opening her eyes, she realizes that he’s holding her hands, but she can’t feel it. Her fingers are still numb and her chest is still a hollow cavern of pressure that won’t allow her to breathe.

Maybe she’s finally going crazy.

“Felicity, sweetheart, breathe for me, ok? Nice and slow. Come on, there we go.”

He’s moved one of her hands to his side and is breathing slowly and deeply, coaching her even as worry covers his own face. Felicity tries to focus.

After a few minutes, or maybe a few hours, the pressure in her chest recedes and feeling comes back into her fingers. She’s sitting on the floor against the wall, Oliver kneeling in front of her. She takes a slow, deep breath and lets it out in a sigh.

“Ok now?” he asks. Felicity swallows, nodding.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“Don’t be, hon.” He takes her hands in his and offers her a smile, only a little worried this time. “Was there something you needed to ask me?”

She can’t bring herself to mention her concerns, not like this, so she shakes her head instead, trying to ignore how he’s touched her more in the last twenty minutes than he has all weekend.

Maybe she really is going crazy.

Still, some small part of her nags that maybe he only reached for her because he thought she was in danger, and he doesn’t really care. Maybe she’s losing him. Maybe she’s losing herself.

_____

Felicity’s trying to read a new tech magazine that Oliver picked up for her when the doorbell rings, but she doesn’t move. Thea will get it if it’s important.

The door opens and there’s soft murmuring in the foyer. Felicity rubs her eyes beneath her glasses. She wants to be interested in this article, but she just can’t concentrate. Her mind is too scattered this morning.

She hears footsteps in the hall nearing the sunroom, but only looks up when she hears a soft thud, the sound of a duffle bag dropping in the doorway. Sara stands there, eyes wide and glistening, one hand covering her mouth.

“Felicity?” she breathes.

“Hi, Sara.” Felicity sets down the magazine and stands slowly.

“Oh my god.” Sara crosses the room in a few swift steps, pulling Felicity into a hug. “Oh my god, it’s really you.”

Sara hugs Felicity tightly—more tightly than almost anyone has since she’s been back. It surprises her and relieves her all at the same time. They’ve all been walking on eggshells around here lately and it’s starting to get frustrating.

Sara’s hug is longer too, much longer than the brief ones Lyla gives her or the hesitant ones Thea and Digg give her when they let themselves. Sara pulls her in close, one hand coming up to cradle Felicity’s head, the other arm firmly around her waist, though thankfully not pressing into the still-healing ribs.

When Sara finally pulls back, she grips Felicity’s shoulders for a moment and looks her directly in the eye.

“You’re ok?”

Felicity nods, swallowing. Something’s shifting in her chest and she doesn’t know what it is. Sara looks at her for a long moment before giving her another brief hug and tugging her down to sit on the couch.

Sara’s eyes are still shining. “I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but I can’t believe you’re here. I mean, I really can’t believe it.”

“Sara, you came back from the dead. And you routinely travel through time.”

Sara smiles softly. “I know. But I don’t really remember that dying/coming back business like the rest of you. And the future isn’t set in stone—it’s constantly shifting.” She leans over, pressing a hand to Felicity’s arm. “I’m just so glad you’re ok.”

Felicity nods, looking down into her lap. Ok. What a strange word. She is, physically, or at least she’s getting there. But she doesn’t quite feel “ok” yet.

“I hope so,” she mutters quietly.

Sara pats her knee in understanding. “After is hardest. Coming home, even when you want to, it’s the worst. That’s why I avoided it for so long, back in the day. I was afraid that everyone would see that I had changed too much, and that they wouldn’t still love me.”

Felicity meets her eyes briefly. “I’m not the same, Sara.” She hasn’t admitted this to anyone, not even Oliver, and as hard as it is to do so, it’s also a burden off her shoulders.

Sara smiles, dipping her head to keep Felicity’s gaze. “They don’t really expect you to be.”

Felicity swallows, and the fears come bubbling out before she has the chance to stop them.

“I think they do. My mom does for sure. She and Oliver just look at me sadly all the time like they’re just waiting for me to go back to ‘normal’, whatever that is. So is Tommy, only his normal is so different, and I can’t be both. Meghan is the only one that doesn’t seem to care, but that’s because she has no expectations at all. But she’s too young to articulate that, and if she were older she would have expectations and I don’t know, I don’t know who I am anymore, or what I am, or…”

“Hey.” Sara cuts her off. “You don’t have to be anyone or anything, Felicity. You just have to be, and that’s enough.”

A wave of emotion hits her, and she looks back down at her hands, blinking back tears. She takes a few breaths to control herself before looking back at Sara, trying to smile.

“Thanks, Sara. Sorry to spring all of this on you, right away.”

Sara pulls her in for a one-armed hug, dropping a kiss to her temple. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re here.”

Felicity takes another deep breath, grateful that she doesn’t have to respond. Sara holds her for a moment, until movement in the doorway draws the attention of both women.

Tommy pads into the room, blanket tucked under one arm and rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Mama?” he yawns.

“Oh,” Sara stares. “Ollie told me about him, but…”

“Come here, baby,” Felicity prompts, holding out a hand. Yawning again, Tommy crawls up into her lap and snuggles into her chest, watching Sara with wide eyes.

“Sara, I’d like you to meet Tommy. Tommy, this is Mama and Daddy’s friend, Aunt Sara.”

“Hi,” he says shyly, popping a thumb into his mouth.

“Hi, buddy,” Sara responds, her demeanor softening as she interacts with the little boy. “I’m very glad to meet you, finally.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything else. Felicity presses her lips to the top of his head and wraps her arms around him. “He’s a little shy, still. Meeting all kinds of new people is hard. We didn’t…we couldn’t…there weren’t a lot of people I could call friends there.”

Sara smiles kindly. “I understand, Felicity. It’s ok. I want him to feel safe. I want you _both_ to feel safe. Take your time.”

Felicity nods, cuddling her son. After a moment, he turns to her, leaning up to whisper something in her ear.

“Sure, baby,” she responds, letting him down. He tows his blanket with him to the toy corner, pulling out a coloring book and a box of crayons. Bringing it back, he sets up the operation on the coffee table, leaning against Felicity’s legs as he begins to color. She strokes an absent hand over his head.

Sara looks like she wants to say something about him, about Felicity’s time away, but she catches herself, instead steering the conversation toward Meghan.

A few minutes later, Tommy, turns and tugs on Felicity’s hand, prompting her to lean down. He whispers in her ear again.

“Why don’t you ask her?”

His response is inaudible to Sara, who pretends to not pay attention.

“Baby, she doesn’t have to know that since I’m here, remember?”

He frowns adorably and nods, hesitant. Turning to Sara he asks shyly, “Do you like to color?”

She grins at him. “You know, I do, actually.” Slipping off the couch, she joins him on the floor at the coffee table. Tommy slides her a coloring book and some crayons.

“Sara, you don’t have to…” Felicity starts, but Sara waves her off.

“Being an auntie is one of my favorite things about hanging out around here, so I’m going to color with this little man, ok?”

Her grin is half dorky, half soft, but the words still nudge Felicity somewhere around the sternum. She glances down and worries her hands over her thighs.

“Ok,” she manages.

Sara reaches out to squeeze Felicity’s knee, then turns back to the coffee table. Flipping open the coloring book, she grabs a crayon.

“This is a really cool book, Tommy. Look at all these neat animals! I can’t decide; which one do you think I should color?”

His brow furrows a tiny bit and he leans over to find her a page. “This one.”

“Ooh. Giraffe. Nice choice.” She starts to color, and he goes back to his book, also one filled with animals. “Do you have a favorite animal, Tommy?”

He considers. “Mac’roni penguin.”

“Penguins are pretty neat. I don’t know very much about them.”

“We saw them at the ‘quarium.”

“That must have been really cool.”

He nods solemnly. “They have funny hair.”

Sara grins at him, and he offers a tiny smile back.

It’s settling and unsettling at the same time. Sara’s presence is somewhat comforting, though, Felicity finds, and she begins to relax. They chat while Tommy and Sara color until Meghan gets home. 


	12. hidden by the shadows (trying to find your way home)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris come to visit. Felicity struggles.
> 
> *warning for panic attacks and symptoms of PTSD
> 
> Chapter title: Mark Wilkinson, Middle Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness you guys! I am so sorry for taking so long to update. I graduated college, moved, started a full time job and a part time job on top of that, and my scheduling has been insane. Thank you for all the love and comments, it means so much that people are still reading this story! 
> 
> I'm sorry for the pain in this chapter. It's going to get worse before it gets better, unfortunately. I hope you enjoy all the same!

Sara stays the week. It’s nice, having someone around that’s not Donna or Thea, as helpful as they’ve been. Sara understands a little more of what Felicity’s going through, having some experience being torn from family and spending years separated. Felicity feels more relaxed with Sara around, as if she doesn’t have to pretend as much.

Sara’s good with Tommy too, and he likes her. Even though it’s not a friend his age, Felicity’s glad that Tommy can relate to people other than her. She tries not to worry what will happen when Sara has to leave again.

Even with Sara around, though, Felicity finds herself sleeping worse and worse. She wakes up multiple times each night, and when she does sleep it’s fitful and wracked with horrible dreams that she can’t quite remember. Oliver tries to help, but she’s filled with dread that his presence is somehow making things worse.

On Thursday, Barry and Iris visit. They don’t bring the twins, not wanting to overwhelm Felicity or Tommy, but they plan an overnight stay and Oliver takes some time away from the office to make brunch for them all when they arrive.

“I heard crime in Central City is down again, finally,” Oliver comments as they sit down to eat. Even after all these years, shop-talk is still the first thing to come up.

Barry nods. “Yeah, we’re enjoying a little bit of a break it seems. No super villains since the Legends helped us six months ago.” He raps his knuckles on the wood table with a little smirk in Sara’s direction. “Even the regular criminals are keeping themselves in line.”

“Well, that’s the real fight,” Oliver says. Barry nods. Oliver serves potatoes and eggs, and the conversation turns to non-vigilante business.

Sara’s helping Tommy cut his waffle, but looks at Felicity when the family company is brought up. “Have you been in to see the work he’s done lately? It’s phenomenal, the things that man has done in the last few years. Well, phenomenal for Ollie, anyway.” She winks at him and he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I was in last week,” Felicity replies. They all seem to be waiting for her to say something else, and she glances nervously at Oliver. “I didn’t really get the chance to look at any of the projects.”

“Oh, don’t rush yourself,” Iris tells her, reaching a hand to place on Felicity’s arm. “There’s plenty of time for that yet. Focusing on family is more important right now. How are Tommy and Meghan each adjusting to having a sibling? It must be strange for them, but the twins say they could never imagine life without.”

Felicity’s thankful for a topic she can actually weigh in on. “Meghan is thrilled, or so she tells us. Tommy is doing well too, I think.” She glances at Oliver again for confirmation and he nods, reaching for her hand under the table and giving it a squeeze. It doesn’t comfort her as it should, but she pushes the thought aside.

“The twins can’t wait to meet him. Henry told me it’s high time we got some more boys around here. I think Fran just wants to see Meghan again.”

“We’ll have to arrange a trip down there when they’re all out of school,” Oliver says.

“Sounds good to me,” Barry says. “There’s a new kids science center in Central City we’ve been wanting to check out. Meghan would love it.” He turns to Felicity. “What sort of things is Tommy into? I know he’s just a little guy, but every kid has interests.”

Felicity reaches a hand to stroke her son’s hair. “He like animals a lot.” She swallows, fighting the urge to not share anything with anyone, but it’s a safe space, so she forces herself to go on. “We only had access to a few things, and a big book of animals with pictures was one of them.”

They’re all looking at her sadly so she presses on. “He loves to color, too, but what two year old doesn’t?”

Her smile falls flat, but Iris returns it anyway. 

“I’ve heard that the center has a whole section on animals, and sometimes they even bring in live ones, kind of a petting zoo type of thing. Something for everyone.”

Barry’s smile is sad and a little awkward. Felicity swallows and takes a drink of her water to avoid looking at him. She wonders why this all feels so strange, and why Barry is responding to her so oddly.

Sara asks Iris a question about a news story she wrote not that long ago, and Iris starts in on her work. Felicity feels as though the world has pulled away from her. She’s on the edge of the conversation, peering in at herself as she listens to Iris talk, but doesn’t hear a word. It’s as if she’s floated up to the ceiling and is watching everyone from there, looking down from the corner of the room, slowly moving further and further away.

There’s static in her ears, and her vision has tunneled. Felicity tries to draw a deep breath, to slow her suddenly rushing heartbeat down, but she can’t. She blinks rapidly, wanting to clear the fog from the edges of her vision. Looking down, she realizes her hands are shaking.

“Excuse me a moment,” she hears herself say, and she’s pushing away from the table, at the edge of the dining room, halfway up the stairs, outside the bedroom. She presses her forehead to the hallway wall as she gasps for air.

Years pass—or is it seconds? She squeezes her eyes shut grabs at the back of her neck, drawing a thick breath. Time jumbles along, and she digs her nails into her skin.

“Felicity?” Oliver asks, somewhere on the periphery.

“I’m fine,” she mumbles, her tongue leaden. He touches her shoulder and she flinches, the world coming back to her in sharp jolts. “Sorry.” 

The concern in his eyes is almost too much. “What’s wrong, honey?” 

Felicity swallows. Everything is bright and sharp now, but at least the panic has subsided. “Nothing. I’m ok. Really.”

“Ok.” He’s unconvinced, but reaches for her arm anyway. She realizes she’s balled her hands into fists, nails digging into her palms now. She forces herself to relax. Oliver places a gentle hand just above her wrist gently and offers her a soft smile.

She tries to return it, to ease some of his concern. “I’m fine, Oliver. I just need a moment. I’ll be down in a minute.”

He nods, giving her arm a gentle squeeze before stepping away. She can tell it’s difficult for him to leave her. He does, though, heading down toward the dining room and their guests.

After taking a few deep breathes to calm her racing heart, Felicity follows, but pauses at the top of the stairs. She takes one step down, and then another. She’s not sure what’s keeping her from following Oliver back toward their friends. She takes another few deep breaths; only halfway down she hears voices.

Barry’s stopped Oliver in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs.

“--- should leave,” he’s saying. “---don’t want ---”

“No,” Oliver’s response is firm. “Really. It’s --------” His voice fades out. Felicity strains to hear the hushed conversation.

“--- not making---” Barry’s voice rises slightly, tight with emotion. He’s shaken and angry. Felicity swallows, not quite sure why she feels upset.

Even if she can’t quite hear the response, Felicity can tell that Oliver’s voice is gentle and he’s speaking like he might to Meghan or Tommy when they are upset.

Barry’s voice rises a little more. “---the hell--------?” he hisses, the tension in his voice rising as he fights to keep it low. “---your wife. For three years------knows what, and _did_ \---- _to_ her------------ every second-- you’re not even going out anymore!” 

Felicity’s hand clenches the railing. She hadn’t even realized Oliver hadn’t been keeping up as Green Arrow since she’d been back. She struggles to listen.

“I did ------ still hurting. It’s more important ------ I’m here.”

 “---out there.”

“I know.” Oliver’s voice is firm, but his voice is still low and calm “------need to be here------ that Lyla and ARGUS aren’t--? --safer than ---- needs me? She’s safer --- I can’t go ------ gunning for vengeance ------ returned----”

“but what ----?” 

“---ready----stay positive and focus----For both ---”

Barry’s voice raises a bit, like he wants to yell, allowing Felicity to hear nearly every word. “-------- world for her, Oliver---- the _entire fucking world_ \------ and now she’s back, and… who her captors --- haven’t been---------- haven’t been found. And you’re just letting it go!”

Oliver, miraculously, stays calm. “I’m not---- needs--------here--- now.”

“---can’t stand it! -----have to go----”

Oliver starts to respond, but Felicity doesn’t want to hear any more. She descends the rest of the stairs, barely giving them time to register her presence before speaking directly to Barry. Her chest feels empty.

“If you don’t want to be here, just leave.”

Both men stare at her, mouths open. “I’m not…that’s not…” Barry starts, but she brushes past him and into the dining room.

Iris and Thea are chatting about something and Sara playing with Tommy. Felicity nearly sits down to finish her food, but finds she isn’t hungry with Barry’s fragmented words haunting her mind. She grabs her plate and takes it to the kitchen. When she comes back, they’re all watching her, including Oliver and Barry who have returned. She doesn’t look at any of them, instead turning to her son. 

“You all done eating, buddy? Come on, let’s go clean up.” 

He nods and she helps him down, taking his grubby little hand and leading him to the bathroom. The silence behind her tells her that her attempts at being subtle didn’t work, but she can’t bring herself to really care.

“Felicity.” Oliver comes to the bathroom behind them, but stays in the doorway. She helps Tommy rub the soap on his hands and doesn’t meet her husband’s gaze in the mirror.

“I’m tired, Oliver. I think I might go lie down for a little while. Give our guests my apologies.”

He exhales and she glances up to see him shut his eyes for a moment. He tries to hide the dejection in his voice. “Ok.”

She shuts off the water and helps Tommy dry his hands. “There we are, Tommy. Go with Daddy, ok?”

She kisses his head and he bounds off, his hand in Oliver’s. Oliver throws her a backward glance, trying one last time to get her to come back to their friends but she can’t. Instead, she heads to their room, turns on some old sitcom on Netflix, and tries to fall asleep.

_____

“Oliver, I’m really sorry….”

“It’s not your fault, Barry.” Oliver places a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “This whole situation is tricky and complicated. We’re all just trying to figure it out.”

“Maybe we _should_ just go home.”

Oliver shakes his head, offering a small smile. “Meghan is so excited to see you guys. Take the afternoon, spend some time in the city, but if you’re not back to see her after school…” his tone is teasing and kind, but he knows Barry reads the sincerity.

They shake hands, and Barry and Iris head off to do some shopping, promising to return in a few hours. Sara heads to the basement gym to get a workout in.

Thea’s in the living room playing with Tommy. He enters, and she looks up at him. “Ollie…”

“It was just a panic attack, Thea. I think it freaked her out a little, but she’s fine.”

Thea watches him for a moment before standing and coming over to him, crossing her arms. “I think it’s more than that, Ollie. I think it’s worse than either of you are willing to admit.” 

He frowns at her slightly, reaching for her shoulder. “Thea.”

“Have you talked to any specialists?”

“The doctors cleared her.”

“Not just doctors, Ollie. Mental health professionals. There are therapists for a reason.”

Oliver sighs, taking a step back and turning to sit on the couch. “I don’t think she’d want that.” 

“Yeah, but you don’t know, do you? You haven’t asked her. If she’s having panic attacks, then she should talk to someone. I know I should have for my issues years ago, and you probably should have too.” She sits nest to him, putting a hand on his arm. “We’re all kinds of messed up in this family, but Felicity doesn’t have to suffer. Not like that. Not alone.”

“She’s not alone.”

“No, but she’s not opening up either. It’s been several weeks Ollie. If she were going to get back to normal on her own, it would have happened by now.”

He takes a breath. “Ok. I’ll talk to her. But if she hates the idea, it’s all yours.”

Thea rolls her eyes and moves back to the floor to help Tommy build a Lego car 

“Whatever you say, big bro.”

_____

_The light clicks on and flickers dimly. Still, it hurts Felicity’s eyes. She blinks herself awake, pulled harshly from sleep that never lasts quite long enough._

_She used to be able to sleep in until all kinds of crazy hours, and only fully woke up after a cup of coffee. Now, though, she’s only on the fringes of sleep when they turn on the lights, forced to be able to function immediately._

_Dragging herself out of bed, Felicity turns to the crib where Tommy has just begun to fuss. He’s nearing one year now, but the strict schedule they’re given didn’t come from him. It frustrates Felicity to no end—she’s fine with a schedule, she just wishes they’d let her set it._

_She changes Tommy and feeds him. When she’s done, the guard that administers her breakfast shows up. He’s one of the nicer ones, knocking before opening the door, and closing it after he hands her the tray. She has 15 minutes to finish getting ready for the day._

_She eats quickly. It’s cold oatmeal today, but at least they give her a glass of watered down apple juice too, and vitamins. Dr. Jaredson had insisted on vitamins, and Felicity is so grateful that they listened. Maybe they’ll be ok after all._

_After dressing quickly, Felicity straps Tommy to her back and grabs his blanket and a few toys. As she finishes, another guard comes to fetch her, and takes her to her station. She puts Tommy on the blanket on the floor by her feet and does their bidding. When it’s naptime, he’ll sleep strapped to her back._

_She tells herself they’ll make it through. It takes everything within her to pretend to believe it._

_____

No one says anything about the incident at breakfast that evening. Meghan keeps them all entertained with her stories of her day at school, thrilled to see Aunt Iris and Uncle Barry again.

Felicity goes to bed shortly after putting Tommy down. Their guests stay for a little while longer before heading toward their hotel, promising to stop by before leaving in the morning. 

By the time Oliver gets to their room, Felicity’s lying down with her eyes closed. He’s pretty sure she’s not asleep yet, but he won’t broach the subject of therapy right now. Kissing her on the forehead, he gets ready for bed and slips in beside her.

He wants to pull her to him, to wrap himself around her body and breathe in the scent of her, to fall asleep with her ribcage moving beneath his arm and their legs tangled together.

Instead, he lies on his back and closes his eyes and tries to ignore the fact that the ache in his chest that developed when she was gone hadn’t fully gone away.

In the middle of the night, he wakes to her shaking beside him. He speaks her name softly, trying to wake her from the dream, but she doesn’t respond. Instead she curls in on herself tighter, and he realizes that she’s awake, her brain panicking again. He reaches for her but she shrinks away from him.

“Felicity, honey, you’re ok. Can you breathe with me?” he asks, aching to touch her, to rub her back, anything.

 She makes a small, whimpering-choking sound and curls her hands around the back of her head.

Oliver reaches his hand gently toward her, caressing her spine with a feather light touch of his fingertips. She trembles, but doesn’t pull away. He applies a tiny bit more pressure and as she continues to allow the touch, places his whole hand on her back, rubbing it up and down slowly. 

Felicity’s still shaking, her breathing still erratic, but the tension in her body eases some. She’s gasping for air, and he begins to sing quietly, a Hebrew lullaby she taught him when Meghan was born, one he sung often for his daughter on the long nights when they both missed Felicity too much.

“Layla layla haru'ach goveret, layla layla…” he begins, but she pulls away, sitting up on the edge of the bed. His hand falls from her back and he stops singing, tears stinging his eyes for the pain she’s going through.

“I can’t,” she whispers, mostly to herself. Her breathing has evened out, but he knows she’s still tormented by whatever demons are haunting her brain.

“Felicity…” he whispers, but she stands.

“I’m sorry,” she says without turning to him. Arms crossed tightly around herself, she slips out of the room and doesn’t come back.

_____

_“If a single one of my men comes back harmed, you won’t be seeing your son tonight.”_

_Felicity swallows, looking at the man in front of her. She nods. He hands her the headset and gestures toward the computer. “Get to work.”_

_This sort of thing is familiar for her. This is talking the team through a mission. She’s done this hundreds of times. But she’s never done it from the criminal’s side._

_Pushing away her guilt at helping these men with whatever they’re doing, Felicity forces herself to focus on the mission. It’s not so much that she’s afraid of being separated from her baby for a night, but the implications of torture that lie in the threat keep her on task. She hates to think what would happen to them if she let one of the men get killed, or blows the whole operation._

_Still, her hands tremble as she types commands into the computer and talks the criminals through the extraction. It’s a simple heist, but for her first rodeo backing them up, the simpler the better. Felicity almost considers messing up something small just so they don’t trust her to help them out again. It wouldn’t be any use, though. They know what she can do and would see through any tricks she tried to pull. She’ll have to wait, bide her time, and hope that she doesn’t have to do much of this in the future._

_She talks them in and fights back tears that Oliver isn’t the one answering her prompting. It’s been two years, but the ache never goes away. She misses him terribly. His touch, his comfort. His voice in her ear as she walks the team through an operation._

_Nothing will ever be the same._

_As she gets the men through their mission, her mouth sours. Any future missions with Team Arrow will be tainted by this one operation, even if it is the only one. The thought deepens the ache in her chest._

_She manages to get them through. She has no idea what they’re going after, what the full purpose of the mission was, but she gets them through anyway._

_“I guess we won’t kill you just yet,” one of them smirks at her when they return._

_Felicity cries herself to sleep in her bunk that night, wishing for Oliver’s arms around her, wishing for his presence in the room, the bed. She would give anything for one more night with him, to cuddle and sleep and love, even in the most innocent of ways._

_She doesn’t really believe it’s anything she’ll ever have again._   

* * *

 

FULL DIALOGUE BETWEEN OLIVER AND BARRY:

“Maybe we should leave. We don’t want to be too much for….”

“No. Really. It’s better for you to stay the whole meal. A sense of normalcy is best.”

“Oliver…”

“Barry. Please. Making a scene won’t help either.”

“I’m not making a scene.”

“Barry, calm down. She just had a panic attack. It happens sometimes, especially after trauma. She’ll be fine. Just calm down.”

“How the hell are _you_ so calm? Someone took your wife. For three years they held her and made her do God knows what, and _did_ God knows what _to_ her. I’d be beating the streets every second, and you’re not even going out anymore!”

“I did my time beating the streets, Barry. But she’s home, and she’s still hurting. It’s more important that she recover. It’s more important that I’m here.”

“They’re still out there,”

“I know. But I’ve done some thinking lately, and I need to be here. What more can I do that Lyla and ARGUS aren’t already doing? How can I keep her safer than staying here, helping her get better, and being near when she needs me? She’s safer now than she’s ever been, and I can’t go jetting off around the world gunning for vengeance when my world was just returned to me.” 

“But what if they come for her?”

“We’ll be ready. Until then, we have to stay positive and focus on recovery. For both her and Tommy.”

“I searched the world for her, Oliver. I searched the _entire fucking world_ for her, and now she’s back, and we know who her captors were but they haven’t been apprehended. They haven’t been found. And you’re just letting it go!”

“I’m not letting it go. I’m doing what needs to be done, right here, right now.”

“I just can’t stand it! Oliver, I have to go do something.”

“We will…”

“If you don’t want to be here, just leave.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I provided the full dialogue between Barry and Oliver to help give you a better idea of what was going on and what Felicity was misinterpreting. In case you are interested, Barry and Iris's twins are Francine Nora and Bartholomew Henry Allen II, but they go by Fran and Henry. Thanks for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> As you might notice, some season 3 and 4 elements are incorporated where others are not, and most of season 5 is obsolete, at least at this point. I started this during season 3, and later arranged the timeline by assuming Olicity would get married around the 100th episode (Dec 2016), or so. I'm still working out a few timeline things, so hopefully it isn't too confusing at this point. 
> 
> Roy is still a part of the team, because I like him and Thea together too much for him to leave (though I'm not quite sure how it worked for him to come back, but that's not part of the story), Sara did come back from the dead (because I love Sara), but Baby Mama Drama didn't happen, and I'm not sure that paralyzed Felicity did either. I think Curtis might show up at some point, and Laurel is still alive. We'll see if I end up adding in any of the other newbies. Smoke'n'Lance is a thing, but It's more cute than weird. Donna has mellowed a little bit (her daughter was kidnapped, after all), Thea and Roy are married, and the CC crew is around off and on. However, Baby Sara is still around, since if Barry did mess with the timeline, it didn't screw with that (also, this was written way before that happened, so...). Let me know if I need to clear anything else up!
> 
> Other timeline issues will hopefully be adressed in the next few chapters. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
